A Return to Love

The first spiritual book I ever read other than the Bible was A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. It recounts when she read a book called A Course in Miracles and how it profoundly affected her life. A friend of mine told me to read it. And it also changed me. I started opening up my mind and my heart to other beliefs than what I grew up living. Being Catholic we have a lot of long standing beliefs. This was the first time I was thinking outside of that. And it was scary.

A lot in my life has changed. I believed so strongly that I would end up married, a couple of kids, a good job. And none of that has been the case. All I do is work and work some more. Because I don’t have anyone waiting for me at home. That’s most likely why I have had the few relationships I’ve had. Looking for that special someone to come home to. So when you are at the bottom, you keep it simple. And go back to where you started.

I’m going to read A Return to Love again today. And get lost in all the same big thoughts that changed me once before. And then I’m going to get off my ass and go live in my life. I’m going to keep busy, get active in Church again and volunteer more than I do now. And when God decides to send in the right woman to marry, that’s how it will be. No more chasing after love that doesn’t belong to me. I want to fall madly in love and spend the rest of my life nurturing and growing a healthy relationship. I want kids. And I want to come home to someone.

I make mistakes. I ask forgiveness and truth be told I punish myself over and over in my head thinking about what I could have done differently. No more of that. That causes pain and hurt. I want to only love the people in my life. All this negative bullshit is not who I am. It’s who I became from such hurt, I hardly recognized myself. Everyday is a new chance to get it right. So here I am, ready for my new day. And God will take care of me. He always has.

I love being back in Chicago. It’s always been a very special place to me. I look forward to a long quiet day until the Bears game is on. After the game I will go back to Church and see what I can do to be of service to anyone but myself. It’s been one of those weeks. I hope you all have a great Sunday. God loves you and I love ya’ll too!

Rowboat Book Club Book #33

We will be reading a classic, Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy.

Plot introduction

Anna Karenina consists of more than the story of Anna Karenina, a married socialite, and her affair with the affluent Count Vronsky, though their story is a very strong component of the plot.[3] The story starts when she arrives in the midst of a family broken up by her brother’s unbridled womanizing—something that prefigures her own later situation, though she would experience less tolerance by others.

A bachelor, Vronsky is eager to marry Anna if she will agree to leave her husband Karenin, a senior government official, but she is vulnerable to the pressures of Russian social norms, the moral laws of the Russian Orthodox Church, her own insecurities, and Karenin’s indecision. Although Vronsky and Anna go to Italy, where they can be together, they have trouble making friends. Back in Russia, she is shunned, becoming further isolated and anxious, while Vronsky pursues his social life. Despite Vronsky’s reassurances, she grows increasingly possessive and paranoid about his imagined infidelity, fearing loss of control.

A parallel story within the novel is that of Konstantin Levin, a wealthy country landowner who wants to marry Kitty, sister to Dolly and sister-in-law to Anna’s brother Stepan Oblonsky. Levin has to propose twice before Kitty accepts. The novel details Levin’s difficulties managing his estate, his eventual marriage, and his struggle to accept the Christian faith, until the birth of his first child.

The novel explores a diverse range of topics throughout its approximately one thousand pages. Some of these topics include an evaluation of the feudal system that existed in Russia at the time—politics, not only in the Russian government but also at the level of the individual characters and families, religion, morality, gender and social class.

The Return of the King

I am back home in Las Vegas after an emergency out of town. Everything is getting better day by day but it’s going to take time. I have to figure out how to completely change direction in my life. I have a few ideas but I’m moving gently right now. I suffered a major loss and I am still pretty fragile. 

Some nice things were sent to me in my short absence. I appreciate everyone who reads this blog. Ya’ll make it worth it. You really do. 

I will not be working for a few months. I’m taking time off. I have to. I’m leaving all of my business stuff in capable hands and I’m going to enjoy my life. Life is too short. In the blink of an eye, this all goes away. 

God has given my this chance. I’m going to make the best life possible. I am renewed and happy. I am very happy. 

I realize how much I mean to people and I am going to work on myself. Get things together. I am ready for a brand new kind of love in my life. When God wants her to come into my life, she will. And I will hold Faith and Pray everyday that love finds me. It’s all I have ever wanted. To belong to someone.

I love ya’ll for being here. I have some great things to share. I’m going to start writing everyday. Stay tuned, my friends 🙂