The first spiritual book I ever read other than the Bible was A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. It recounts when she read a book called A Course in Miracles and how it profoundly affected her life. A friend of mine told me to read it. And it also changed me. I started opening up my mind and my heart to other beliefs than what I grew up living. Being Catholic we have a lot of long standing beliefs. This was the first time I was thinking outside of that. And it was scary.
A lot in my life has changed. I believed so strongly that I would end up married, a couple of kids, a good job. And none of that has been the case. All I do is work and work some more. Because I don’t have anyone waiting for me at home. That’s most likely why I have had the few relationships I’ve had. Looking for that special someone to come home to. So when you are at the bottom, you keep it simple. And go back to where you started.
I’m going to read A Return to Love again today. And get lost in all the same big thoughts that changed me once before. And then I’m going to get off my ass and go live in my life. I’m going to keep busy, get active in Church again and volunteer more than I do now. And when God decides to send in the right woman to marry, that’s how it will be. No more chasing after love that doesn’t belong to me. I want to fall madly in love and spend the rest of my life nurturing and growing a healthy relationship. I want kids. And I want to come home to someone.
I make mistakes. I ask forgiveness and truth be told I punish myself over and over in my head thinking about what I could have done differently. No more of that. That causes pain and hurt. I want to only love the people in my life. All this negative bullshit is not who I am. It’s who I became from such hurt, I hardly recognized myself. Everyday is a new chance to get it right. So here I am, ready for my new day. And God will take care of me. He always has.
I love being back in Chicago. It’s always been a very special place to me. I look forward to a long quiet day until the Bears game is on. After the game I will go back to Church and see what I can do to be of service to anyone but myself. It’s been one of those weeks. I hope you all have a great Sunday. God loves you and I love ya’ll too!