2nd to the end

bears-eagles-goal-line  I got bombarded last night from all directions. I have several avenues of recourse and I’m thinking over each one. For now, I’d like to add my comments about what I have now seen on tv. I haven’t watched any of it this season because I can’t stomach it. It’s too hard emotionally and I just couldn’t do it. Until last night.

During her trip to Alaska we were still talking. We were still in love, and we were still planning a life together. The voicemails and texts from that time period are on my blog. I marked them Alaska so you can find it easier. The plan was go on the trip to Alaska and come home to me. She was going to move into my rental house which was one block from my house in a gated community 5 minutes from her house. That way she could take all the time she needed to just be herself and be by herself to figure things out. I wanted her to move right now but we both agreed she needed some neutral space to deal with family and work stuff. We were going to begin dating right away. No more sneaking around and no more hiding me in her life. Earlier in the year I believe in May she started cleaning her house up and getting things boxed up. That was for the move. She told everyone it was for spring cleaning. She told me she had a lot of stuff and we had planned on moving her around the end of May. Her daughter decided to come home for the summer and that’s what delayed all of that for the summer.

The dinner with all of the adults. That was edited in with things she filmed way after we broke up. When she is in the red shirt that has to be sometime in September or October. That’s what tv shows do. For dramatic affect they edit scenes to make it look cohesive when it’s not around the same time. She never planned on talking to the adults about our affair in Alaska. At this point all of them knew she wanted to leave. She had a group therapy session with the women and has told them she wasn’t happy, she wanted to leave. They all were very supportive and loving and said they would make a plan to keep her in the family for the kids. Christine even suggested they go get their nails done because the women never go and do anything that’s not filming related as a group. She told them she wanted to stay in the family, just not with him. And later on she talked to him 2 or 3 times about leaving or figuring something else out because she was not happy in the marriage. She told me she had a bad marriage the past 10 years. She told me he was shocked to hear it was that long she felt that way but when she said you aren’t in love with me anymore, are you? He answered what do you want me to say to that? He said that he loved her but they both agreed they weren’t in love anymore. He offered to get her a place, rent something in Las Vegas. He offered to help her get back to Utah, he offered to start talking about a spiritual divorce. They all knew she was feeling like leaving was the best thing.

At the dinner she doesn’t say it’s because we were together and she was in love with me. She says she is struggling. And they all knew it. That’s because of what I just shared. She said she is in a place where she feels alone, isolated. Nobody in the family can relate about having an empty nest. What she told me is the past 2 years things had gotten worse. He was not spending much time with her at all. He would pop in and her designated days and nights he would come over late, watch tv and they would go to bed. She said they weren’t being intimate that often which was a pattern for them throughout the entire marriage. She told me it was months in between intimate times a lot and she was not satisfied because she told me you can tell when it’s just sex. I knew that she is someone that needs to feel loved, wanted, and appreciated to be intimate with because we have had sex over 60 times. She was never the type to just start up I would spend all day flirting back and forth with her, or she would flirt with me and eventually we came to the idea that she would start to vocalize when she was interested in sex that evening so she was putting a voice to her wants and needs. Something she has never learned to do. She told me the last time they had been intimate was early February. We started talking early March and throughout the entire affair she told me she had stopped sleeping with him, and also had actually started sleeping upstairs in the spare room because she didn’t want him near her anymore. It was in May when she actually kicked him out of the house and asked him not to stay over anymore. He fought it at first but finally agreed and he would pop over to see her from time to time but the most part they wouldn’t speak or see each other 3 or 4 days in a row. He completely gave up trying to work on it. Because she said he was done too. The marriage had been over for years. She told me the last straw for her was when he took the wedding band that she gave him during their wedding ceremony and melted it down. He told her he didn’t want it to be a contention point with the other wives, so he had it melted down and put into a piece of jewelry for another daughter, not her daughter. She said she is a sentimental person and when he did that, it showed her how much the marriage meant to him, which was nothing. She said it hurt her feelings because he could have given it back to her to hold onto for her daughter’s future husband or at least let her have it for keepsake. That was years ago she told me and she told me how upsetting it was for her. It really hurt.

When she says she feels like a place of limbo this was something she said to me all of the time. She was caught between staying there for filming and completing the contract or running off with me and being happy and in love. She struggled as much as I did trying to deal with the emotions of wanting so badly to be together and no more sneaking around. She said she wakes up in the mornings and turns the music on. We had “our playlist” of songs that we shared with each other. Most of them are still posted on both of our Twitter accounts. Just some really good music that we loved and made us think of our relationship. I put the playlist on my phone too. In the mornings we would usually wake up and send out a few quote tweets or a few songs or something. Then we would text or call each other. After I was cleared from my health issues I was trying to rehab my foot that had been broken. So we started walking in the mornings and sometimes at night too. Then we’d go home and start our day. That was just our thing. And as you can read on my blog the texts and voicemails fill in how most of our days went. Talking, communicating, sending sweet messages and laughing. She said she got into this place where she was talking to different people on social media. We began talking on Twitter. March 1st, 2015 was the first time we talked publicly, but we had been in communication way before then. All of this is documented on my blog. Just find the March posts and you will see exactly what we said and how this all started.

Just to summarize it, she was talking about the show, I was commenting on it and we went back and forth that night just cracking jokes, being silly and laughing. She added me to her twitter account late that night. And started to Direct Message me. I thought, okay cool that was fun and I honestly felt that would be it. I didn’t think we would ever talk again. The next day, March 2nd was my birthday. I woke up to a message from her in DM wishing me a happy birthday. I said thanks, you are very intriguing and we sent a few messages back and forth. That was it. Again, I thought cool, that was fun, NOW we won’t talk anymore. I went to work and she began to direct message me. I wasn’t answering back because I was at work and had a lot going on that day. When I got off work that’s when we really started talking. We ended up talking all night on Twitter DM, I blew off my birthday party that Lindsay had waiting for me. It was a dinner party with some friends and employees and I just didn’t go. I didn’t want to go anyway so this was the perfect excuse. We talked until really early in the morning and I finally said you would call and wish me a happy birthday. I gave her my cellphone number. I was teasing but also wanted to talk to her since we had already spent 8 hours talking. I said goodnight on the DM and crawled into bed. 10 minutes later she called me. The first thing I said to her made her crack up laughing. We talked for 4 minutes. Just laughing about how crazy it was that we talked all night, she wished me a happy birthday and  I said to her then, why do you have to be married, you are perfect. She gasped. It took her breath away. We got off the phone and started texting each other. We talked another hour or 2 and finally went to bed. The next morning she started texting and calling me throughout the day. Again all of this is on my twitter. And that’s how it all started. She said she began talking to one person that really made her trust him. Yes I did because I was open and honest with her. About my life, about how I felt, and about all of the things that I have experienced. We bonded very, very quickly because we have a lot in common. We have both suffered a lot of the same kinds of things, with loss of parents, with lose of babies. We connected on a level I have never experienced before. She said he was saying all the right things. I was just being me. I was being happy and laughing and joking around. And I was being myself. She said he was being very kind and being very compassionate and understanding. She trusted me. I am kind, compassionate, and understanding. I can be trusted. She told me a lot of the things she had been through and I empathized with her. I listened and I asked questions, but most of all I made her laugh. She said we kind of just started talking online and I laugh. This is when she is starting to get emotional. It’s because we laughed everyday. We had so much joy talking to each other and spending time together. From day one, we made each other laugh all of the time. She is really funny. Her sense of humor is just like mine, we don’t attack people or make fun of anyone. We laugh at ourselves or we share silly stories. I’m not into shock or vulgar humor at all. I like goofy things. And so does she. But she is a very quick witted smart ass and a lot of the time she would say something that I just wouldn’t get at all. Then we would laugh harder because how did I not get it. That’s just me, I don’t get jokes. Meri fell in love with my laugh right away. I have a huge booming laugh and every time she cracked me up I would let out a huge laugh and she would say Oh Sam, Oh my gosh because it touched her heart. She was so happy to hear how happy I was talking to her. She loved that about me. I think she is getting emotional here because she is remembering that about me. About us. And that’s part of what is killing me watching this.

I am crying now seeing her cry at remembering all of our good times. It’s so hard.

Going back to the dinner with the adults, she is saying she just doesn’t know what she is going to do or where she is going to go. That’s because our plan was for her to leave. She told me she had to wait until the end of filming to start the process of letting her fans know she was going to go. She had talked to the producer a few times about leaving and how it would all work out. He told her they would figure it out and the most important thing is that she was happy. Mentioning her wanting to leave at this dinner was strategy that we had planned out. And it was saying out loud, what the adults already knew. They are shocked because she is finally saying it in front of the cameras and they probably were honestly shocked to hear this in the moment. She said don’t be surprised if I am just up and gone. That meant when she gets home or shortly after she is home, she wanted to move out, or just go somewhere with me. We had already spent a week in June up in Utah together. And she came home from that trip, really wanting to leave asap. But with filming and the contract she had to stay. The women immediately show love and support. Which is awesome to see. I am so happy to finally see what she had told me about that dinner. Then you get the individual interviews and they admit they knew she was having a rough couple of months. Janelle says they may have their issues but she still very much cares about what happens to her and I believe that. I know they do love each other, just not sure how to talk to each other. So I was happy to see that too. Because Meri had told me Janelle would not care at all if she left and I told her I didn’t believe that.

Then we get to Robyn’s portion. Robyn was the only one checking in with Meri about once a month trying to talk and allow her to talk. Anyone that says Robyn was involved or knew about the affair or the supposed “catfishing” is a liar. Robyn only knew Meri was unhappy with Kody. And Robyn would come talk to her, let her cry, and be very loving and supportive. Anyone that says Robyn knew and let it go on is not telling the truth. She didn’t know until the weekend of September 6th. When Meri confessed to being in love with me, confessed to the affair, and started opening up to Robyn about her feelings for me. That’s when Robyn knew what was going on. And Robyn gets emotional because Robyn dearly loves Meri with all of her heart. Meri told me that and Kendra told me that. Meri told me that Robyn and her have a few issues from time to time, but that they are the ones that are close to each other. That Robyn is the voice of reason and can always talk to Kody about the fights she gets into with him. That Robyn always is supportive and makes sure she is okay. Kendra told me that Robyn loves Meri like a real sister and values their relationship more so than anyone else. Kendra said Robyn always wanted Meri to be happy and wanted them to always be close. All of these negative comments I’ve been getting about Robyn is ridiculous. And I don’t understand why none of them stand up for her online. I have been defending her on my comments section and it turns ugly fast. People are so negative about Robyn but from everything Meri told me, she is very sweet and nice. People attack her, say she is to blame for everything. What has that woman ever done, but come into a family and try to fit in. What has she ever said or done to make a lot of people that claim to be fans of the show, turn on her and say the most awful hateful things. And it’s really bad. If you go over to the Facebook pages for the show, that page is full of Robyn hate. It is disturbing to read through. And I dont get it. So yes, I have defending Robyn because Meri shared with me some very sweet stories and told me that she loves Robyn a lot. And anyone that has bad things to say about Robyn gets banned from here because you don’t even know her. Not that I know her either, but I do know what I was told and I believe it. So leave Robyn alone. If you have to be that nasty, look in the mirror and figure out why you are being rude. She’s pregnant. Let her enjoy her pregnancy. She wants that baby, let her have peace at least. It’s supposed to be a special time and a happy time. She doesn’t need or deserve all of this negative crap coming from complete strangers. I’ve dealt with my fair share of trolls, I know how nasty those people are and I know how much they lie. It’s not a good thing to deal with. It makes you want to just shut down all social media and stay off of it. Let her enjoy her baby. That baby is both wanted and loved and it deserves to grow in a stress-free, happy environment.

Commercial break and they do the preview for the Tell-All. I’m not commenting on it because it’s all in context. You have to see and hear the full thing to actually know what she is referencing. I can tell you seeing that really pisses me off, because it’s a lie. But I can’t address it until I know what is said.

She says some of her family are concerned about her and are wondering if she wants to stay in the family. Yes she does. During the therapy session that’s what she told them and it was even Janelle that said please don’t leave my kids lives. They love you, they need you, please stay in the family. That was the plan. We were going to live in Las Vegas for a few months until we could untangle all of her contracts, figure out what to do with her house, and get things ready. Then we were moving back to Chicago and she was going to figure out what to do next. I told her I would support her financially, as well as her daughter and if it came down to it, I would buy her out of her contract or pay off whatever lawsuit that may come from breaching a contract. I was prepared to take care of it. She had interest and dreams of going to school full time. Of focusing still on the jewelry business and she made me promise to get her back to Las Vegas or Utah anytime she wanted or needed. She said she would love to move to Chicago and live with me. We had plans to get married and try to start our own family. She wanted to have babies with me. She has always wanted more children, just not with him. She said she didn’t think she could have kids, but while she was going through all of her health issues that’s was the one question I had her ask the OB/GYN doctor. The doctor said she was still able to conceive. We wanted to try and if it didn’t happen in a few years, the plan was to start adopting kids. She wanted 2 or 3 more. I wanted 6 or 7 more. I love kids. I have always wanted kids and to be married. She said she does feel isolated. So she started talking to me online and we laughed. She said we were cracking jokes and making funny comments and she said she felt this release. She has held so much emotion inside for years. She stopped talking and using her voice she told me. Because it was easier to just go along with whatever he said, all they did was fight anytime she tried to talk to him about plans or taking care of things. I heard him holler at her a few times on the phone and it wasn’t very nice.

I have always said I think that guy is a douchebag. Not just because I wanted her all to myself, its the way she told me he treats her. He doesn’t listen to anything she says and even told her in a therapy session in front of everyone, I’m not going to listen to you Meri. Which hurt her feelings enough she left therapy. Then she called back and asked to be put on speakerphone to tell everyone how she was messing with her phone because she was nervous and that’s what she does. She plays the game 2048 on her phone to quiet her mind. He was commenting in therapy she was late for filming and how she was messing with her phone instead of listening to him. This is how bad the marriage was at that point. Which made me believe her, that she was so unhappy and wanting out.

She said it just felt really good to laugh. Yes it did. And we laughed all of the time. We really did.

Now they are showing her at her computer. FYI we didn’t talk via her computer. It was her cellphone. So the story going around that he supposedly put some kind of keylogging tracking thing on her computer, go for it. That’s not at all how we talked. If you want to check something, go look at her cellphone bill from March 1st to August 30th and you will finally see how much we were talking to each other. You will also see the big gaps during the day when I was at work and how so many nights we were on the phone for 4 or 5 hours when we couldn’t sneak off and talked until 1 or 2am.

She said it started out as a friendship and she loved the friendship. So did I. And she’s right it did start out that way. But we were talking so much I developed feelings for her pretty quickly. I knew she was married, I knew she was living in a house he would stay in. She told me she was unhappy. And she was divorced so it was confusing. She made me believe she was available. So many times she commented I made her forget she was married. I made her forget life before me. Those comments are on my blog. I loved the friendship too. It was so fun getting to know her. She is amazing and sweet. She is so smart. She doesn’t get enough credit for how smart she is. And she is very intriguing.

She says we were talking on the phone and I was expressing love for her. Not right away. It was early on, but within 3 days of me saying I love you, she said it back. All of this is documented on my blog. It would be around March 5th to March 7th. You can see how that happened. Then she says I was expressing attraction to her. She is a beautiful woman. Very pretty, just my type. I love long haired blondes with a big ass. It’s always been my type. Add in her awesome personality and to me, she really was perfect. She is absolutely gorgeous. She said I was saying really, really kind things. I was just being me. I’m southern, so flirting to me comes naturally. And with my southern accent it always sounds sweeter. I would tell her everyday how beautiful she was. How funny she was. I told her over and over she’s awesome. And I loved getting to know her. She said she felt flattered, it was really sweet. She neglects to say how much she was saying back to me Lol And all the flirting she was doing. But that’s okay. You can still see it on my blog.

She says I was making her start to feel love for who I was portraying myself to be. I was being myself. So this is the start of the big twist. And it would be enlightening to answer her comments to a lot of people. Meri told me I love you for the first time when we were at Disneyland. She was crying and so upset but she said it over and over and over. I love you Sam.

We had sex for the very first time the night before the Disney trip. So we were both feeling very emotionally connected. In the texts from March 7th, you will see her talk about that. That was when we started becoming more affectionate and sweet with each other. I started calling her baby. She said no one had ever called her baby before and she really liked it.

She says this is really really confusing because I was really caring about him too. It was probably one of the most confusing situations I’ve ever been in. Because I’m sitting here married and I’m feeling these other emotions directed towards somebody else. Listen, we both struggled with this affair. Morally, spiritually, ethically. We both had moments of what the heck are we doing here. We both had times where we said it needs to end. Early on, I was the runner. I kept going back and forth of I can’t do this, you are married. To I can’t live without you, please leave him. It was so hard.

Ya’ll can judge me for having an affair with a married woman, but until you are in that situation, you don’t know how you feel. And you shouldn’t beat someone up for expressing love for anyone. This wasn’t a fling, it wasn’t just some kind of celebrity crush coming true. This was real love to me. It was nothing I was coming after. It just happened. Like all affairs, it honestly came out of nowhere and shocked both of us. Do I regret it? No way in hell. Do I wish it didn’t hurt her and her family, yes, that is the part I regret. Because that part was so hard for her. To live there and want to be with me everyday. To keep filming the show when she is so deeply in love with me. And that is the reason why everyone kept telling me she is sitting there not talking. Now you all know why. It was because she did not want to be there anymore. Her life had changed and she was not their Meri anymore. She was my Meri.

She said she believes there’s not just one person in the world that somebody can love. It’s how you act on it. She says she had chosen not to act on it. That’s a lie. We had sex over 60 times in the course of 6 months. She was very satisfied with me because we would say I love you to each other during, we would be sweet and caring. And we really enjoyed that part of being together. It was a consensual, loving, sexual, relationship. And on my blog there is proof of that. In texts, voicemails and photos. If we were not in a sexual relationship, I wouldn’t have received the kinds of photos that she sent to me. If we weren’t in a sexual relationship, she would not have fallen that in love with me. To the point she is telling me I love you Sam everyday, several times a day.

I am a romantic. I was always doing the small things to win her heart. I wrote her love letters, I sent her flowers, I bought her small gifts. But most of all I listened to her and really talked to her. I showed her respect and valued her opinions. I became her favorite person and she became mine. We were in touch every single day for 6 months. We never missed a day. Because we couldn’t stay away from each other. We were in love. She said she told me she didn’t want to have sex with me and I started really, really pushing the issue. That’s also not true. Yes once we had sex the first time, I wanted more. She is amazing and it felt right. Of course I wanted to be intimate with her again. And we were. She said I started expressing things early on. Yes I did. Because of how I felt. I felt that we had a lot in common and she really is an amazing woman. She said she told me it was weird I was expressing how I felt. That is true. She said that a few times. And I did say I know what you look like, I know who you are, but I don’t really know your life. So we started to get to know each other more. Because she wanted that too. It wasn’t me pushing to know her. Check her phone bill. Most of the time, she was calling me. Not because I said, call me. Because she missed me. It was mutual.

Some guy says Did you want to meet him? She says Yes, I wanted to meet him. Look at her face when she answers that. She pauses because she knows she’s about to tell a lie. She said she didn’t see any problem with meeting me. You are right, we didn’t have any problems meeting Lol She says, I never would meet her. That’s another lie. We were together for 6 months and she is going to say we never met? And she continued to talk to me? No.

She said there were other things going on that made her start wondering what was going on, she said there were cracks in the story. She is referring to me never answering my phone. When I am at work I am hard to get ahold of. Most of the time, my personal family or friends have to call and leave a voicemail or they text me and I call back as soon as I can. So she kept questioning me early on about why I never answered my phone. Because I WAS WORKING!

Now we get back to the emotional part. Great editing by the way. They sliced this up really well and pull people in. If you don’t know this about tv, they don’t film things in order. You can tell right here this was not going along the flow of her conversation. She said there were times early on that she knew I was feeding her a line of bullshit. My comment on that is, I wasn’t. She questioned me everyday why I loved her. Why her. Why did I say such sweet things to her. Finally after months of this I blew up at her and said if you really believe I love you, you wouldn’t question me everyday about it. You would accept it and live with the fact that I’m not going anywhere. I was frustrated. And that led to a really good talk about her insecurities and how she has always had to share someone and she never knew polygamy would make her feel so separated and alone. I apologized over and over for blowing up over it and we worked it out. But I started to realize how much emotional damage she had been living with. She does not know how to accept a compliment. She just smiles and quietly says thank you. She doesn’t believe she is gorgeous or funny or smart. She is finally using her voice after me telling her over and over, please just say it. Say anything. Stay open to me. Feel what you feel and share it. That is something she said she has never been allowed to do. To be open and honest and say what she thinks and feels. What she told me is that she was always told she created drama or a fight over what she would say. That she had been too aggressive and when she started therapy 7 or 8 years ago that was something she really learned how to do. To talk and speak without becoming confrontational. I guess that was something she struggled with in her early adult years. But then she said she went mute for years. And just stopped talking. That I opened her up and made her feel safe enough to be able to talk.

And the big thing is when she was have emotional meltdowns, when she was upset and hurting, she would go off on me. Yelling, screaming, crying. Really talking about her deep pain and hurt and I would sit there and say quietly over and over again, I love you. I love you Meri. She said I was the only one that could take her emotional rants and love her through them. That’s all on my blog in texts and voicemails.

She is upset again and crying. She said she knew this from the first week of talking to me. That’s not true. Because if it really were true, how does she explain 6 more months of still being with me? After the first bad week, she could have at anytime said to me, listen let’s not talk anymore. And I would have just walked away. Because when it got bad between us, at the end of 6 months, that’s exactly what she said. I agreed and I walked away from her. And I have never tried to contact her again. On my blog you will see on the Photos Page, in September, after we were already broken up, she added herself back to my Twitter two times. And I said nothing.

She said she chose to ignore it because she enjoyed just talking to somebody. Then she calls me a Bastard. That right there proves that she is acknowledging the lie that comes later. In her own words, she expresses real honest emotion about us being over. She calls me a Bastard. If I were a girl, that catfished her, that’s not what she would call me. It would be the other B word. In her moment of clarity and hurting for talking about missing me and how much we laughed, she confesses and says the one thing she can’t take back. She acknowledges she knows I’m a guy. With that one word. Bastard.

If I was so awful, why is she crying and talking about enjoying talking to me? She is upset because she misses that part of us. I don’t believe she misses me at all. I know she has run back to him and they are working things out. We have a mutual friend that has kept in contact with me throughout, not Kendra. And she has told me she went back to him. If that is what makes her happy, I am happy for her. It really sucks, but I know that maybe I was the pivotal point in her life, that really shook things up. Maybe she needed me to come into her life so she could find herself. And now that I walked away, she can focus on really figuring out what to do.

If she is happy there, I hope she stays forever.

And I hope he starts treating her better because she deserves a sky full of love. She is incredible.

She starts with she has been pulling away from the family because she has been trying to protect them and she doesn’t know how. Protect them from what? From me? I was never any kind of threat. I had agreed to never speak of the affair. I had deleted everything. I walked away and I went on with my life. When I got a new cellphone Linsday made a backup copy of everything I had using a program called Wondershare Dr Fone and it pulled everything off that I had deleted. She asked if I wanted to keep it and thinking we are going to end up together someday, we can look back on how we started out as a couple, I said yes. She put it on a thumbdrive, gave it to me and I threw that in a drawer. Then I donated my old phone to Wounded Warriors box at a store that collects old phones for Veterns.

So how did all of this go public? What happened was, her friend started harassing me online. Her friend created a fake twitter account and started harassing me non-stop. Then her and her friend got the trolls to come after me. And the stories they have all created, made up, and lied in regards to me and my life are hysterical. The shit these people tell each other is unreal. It makes me laugh because it’s so far out of my reach. I honestly don’t know how you think up such bullshit.

We go back to her saying she’s going to go do something but she doesn’t know what she’s going to do. Again, this is the time period where our plan is taking a voice. She is telling them she’s leaving soon. Because the trip is almost over, she’s coming home to me and we are going to move her out. This was their heads up. They edited this part out. What she told me is she said Maybe I want to go to Greece for a month. Maybe I want to start doing charity work. Maybe I want to focus on school. She told me she said 4 things at the dinner to let them know she wants options and wants to do something more than this show. She says she doesn’t know if she should dive head first into school and forget everything else. What she said to me in regards to that, she wanted to go full time and get her degree. Her dream is to work with at risk teenagers. She told me that was the one job she loved and they loved her there. She told me so many great stories of the kids hugging her and saying she’s like their mom. How some of them had stayed in touch or at least would come hug her when she saw them. She told me she had received an award after being there for 1 year that no one else had ever gotten. She said she had done such a great job she was getting more and more responsibility and she really loved working with the kids. Then she got fired. And she told me how that all went down. It was really shitty how they let her go too. Just boom, you’re gone. After all she had done. It made me sad. So one of the things we talked about was her getting into a school in Chicago or staying in Las Vegas to keep attending UNLV to go full time. I had offered to move up to Utah because her bigger dream was to attended UVU, where she started college. She said she loved everything about UVU and really wished she could graduate there. But when it came down to it, she said I don’t want to live in Utah anymore. That it was because of her Church and what they would all say in regards to the divorce then being with me. She said she has no desire to live there. She says they don’t know what’s going on. And that’s true. At that dinner they just thought she wanted to leave. Nobody knew she had been having an affair for the past 5 months with me. None of them. Again, anyone claiming Robyn knew, she didn’t.

She said she started looking into me and way too many holes. She asked me 2 things about my life that she didn’t understand. And I answered them both and offered to give her proof. She said I didn’t need proof I just need you to explain them. And we moved on. It was never anything that lingered beyond that. So to hear her speak like there was all of this proof of my life not being as I claimed, is another lie. She can say that now, that it’s over because isn’t that what ex’s say about you? Most of them start re-writing history to make it about the other person instead of taking responsibility for the relationship failing. The 2 things she asked me about were minor and it was cleared up that day. We moved on very happily, still in love. She never had issues with trusting me until obviously, right now. So I’m a little shocked but I can also see the network editing machine at work here.

They are putting together their version of my story and that pisses me off. Let her just say it, speak it, not edit it to make it into your tv version. That’s not fair nor is it right. She said when she would ask me about things I would flip out. I did get upset, but not about her questioning me. I got upset about her not leaving yet. I was beyond frustrated when all of a sudden our plans for her to move, got delayed because her daughter unexpectedly decided to stay with her for the summer. And then came this announcement that she had to go to Alaska. I did flip out over that. I have admitted that and we worked on things and got over it. She is claiming I would become verbally abusive? If I had never met you, you hang up the phone and never talk to me again. If I am enraged or abusive in anyway, why continue to talk to me? Then she throws in again, I would never meet her. That’s false!

Lindsay gets a shout out, she will be less than thrilled Lol Lindsay doesn’t like this tv show. She thinks it’s crap. She told Meri several times your show is crap. She even told Robyn when they met, that she didn’t watch the show, she thought it was crap. Lindsay is very tech savvy. That’s what her job has been, computers and working in her own business to schedule people. When the rumors going around about Meri and I hooked up, Meri and I asked Lindsay for help. Lindsay is the one that went after the trolls. That’s how all of them got sucked into this drama. It was because Lindsay was shutting down their twitter accounts and facebook accounts. The trolls use fake accounts with fake names and no real photos of themselves. She was exposing their real names and deleting their comments. And Meri was very thankful because she did not want this getting out that we were having an affair. So yes, Lindsay can and did do damage, in our defense.

All you have to do is contact Kendra Pollard-Parra and ask her how she met Lindsay and how many times Lindsay hacked her group on Facebook and told her to shut the F*** up about Sam and Meri. Kendra and Lindsay waged a 4 month war on each other back and forth. They fought on the phone, in text, and on facebook. Because Lindsay was protecting me and Meri. She had become friends with Meri and she was doing what Meri and I asked her to do. You can see the pause again and her eyes shifting around as she is creating the story. If it’s the truth, you don’t do that. This is how lies are formed. She is commenting on Lindsay’s abilities but she’s twisting it to sound as if Lindsay was a threat to her and her family. COMPLETELY FALSE!

Lindsay doesn’t care about any of this. And invested no time in it once it was over with. Kendra continued to contact her and ask her what the real story was. And after holding our secret for all of the 6 months she finally sent Kendra proof. Then Kendra and I talked. And Kendra started to side with me because here is all of this proof. Kendra has been that family’s biggest supporter for 5 years. She has viciously gone after anyone that has anything bad to say about them, in particular Robyn. All of a sudden she is turning against the family? Why on Earth would she, unless she saw for herself enough proof to make her turn. There is a story going around that Lindsay threatened Kendra. Yes she did, early on. They threatened each other. They would be on the phone screaming at each other and I would pull the phone away and hang it up. Because it was getting too stressful. But did Lindsay threatened Kendra by telling her to turn on the family? Heck no! Go ask her. She never once threatened her or blackmailed her in anyway in regards to making her lie to Robyn or Meri. Kendra is a very, let’s just say, vocal woman. She says exactly what she thinks and those 2 have never gotten along. I don’t even think they talk to each other anymore. I think Lindsay told her to F*** off or something. I’m not sure.

Then the biggest lie of all comes out. She said she thought she was talking to a man on the phone and it wasn’t a man. She is claiming I am a woman Lol Nice. That is not true at all. I am a guy, my name is Samuel and her trying to lie on me like this is going to be a big problem for her. It’s just bullshit. She says she believes it was a woman pretending to be a man. She is now claiming that Lindsay is the one she was really talking to, not me. Except the fact that Lindsay was with someone the entire time in Las Vegas and has zero time or inclination to talk to Meri as much as I talked to her. It’s a lie to save her ass. Because this is a very humiliating situation to be in, at this point I had started to post stuff on my blog and Meri knows it. So she or maybe the network is twisting this off of all of the internet rumors that had plagued us since June of this year.

The trolls came up with this script that I had catfished Meri and that’s why we stopped talking and following each other on July 20, 2015. The truth is we stopped following each other because we got into a huge fight and in the end, she didn’t add me back because of all of the rumors going around that we were hooking up. We were very open and public on twitter. Go back and read through her tweets and you will see most of the things we said to each other are still on there. I have cleaned up my twitter and deleted most of it. She claims it was a woman who had been watching her online. Again false. I had talked to hear earlier than March 1st, but only briefly. I was not watching her. Lindsay sure the heck wasn’t watching her. This is a made up story. She claims she feels like she has been targeted. I understand how she might feel like that because she is a tv star, but that’s not true. Targeted for what? She has nothing. She doesn’t even have a working air conditioner in her car. And it’s hot as heck in Las Vegas. She can’t offer me anything but herself. And that’s all I wanted, was to be with her. I was not stalking her, or creeping. I was not trying to lure her into any kind of financial gain for myself. Again she gets by but she’s not wealthy. I wasn’t after any kind of fame because I am a very private person. Targeting her for what? Please someone answer that. Go ask her what she was being targeted for? This is where her crazy come out. She may feel like that now that it’s over, but at the time she felt in love and very happy. So happy she stopped wearing her wedding band the whole season.

She says she feels like her family has been targeted. If that’s the case, call the cops. Have them look into it. Because the truth is, NOTHING has happened to her or her family at all. No threats, no angry texts or voicemails from me or Lindsay. Kendra has sent a bunch to Robyn and Meri. But not one word has come from my side of this to Meri or her family. Nothing. She says she was afraid of what they could do to the family. They? Didn’t you just say it was one person, it was a woman? Why are we going back to They? That’s how you get caught lying. You have to listen carefully and my lawyers sent me this whole script of what she said on tv tonight. That’s how I know what to quote from. She just said They, meaning 2 people. Which would reference me and Lindsay. Not a woman. Did anyone else catch that? If I had seen it, I wouldn’t have caught that at all.

She says her biggest concern is what her family will think and do with her. They will love her and believe her. Because she is putting on one hell of a show here. My gosh! All of the articles that came out saying she was going to expose the affair at the dinner, I told ya’ll that wasn’t true. I told ya’ll exactly what she said at the dinner because as soon as she got home from this dinner she called me and told me. She was very upset but said she felt a huge weight of relief because she finally told them she wanted to leave. During the Alaska trip we were so in love and sweet to each other. Because we knew it was soon almost done for filming and we could finally move her out. It was like we fell in love all over again. And it sucked her being so far away but it made her homecoming so much sweeter.

She says she doesn’t know how to fix this. If she wanted to talk to me, I would talk to her. If she wants to ignore my existence and pretend that I never mattered to her at all, I accept that too. But I am here in Chicago and she has my phone number.

I hope and pray she did fix it with them. I know she is fine now. I know for sure she is fine and this hasn’t hurt anything in her life. If anything, it made them all closer and she is finally getting the attention from him that she has been silently screaming for, for 25 years. I hope she fixed it, if that’s what makes her happy. She says she’s so confused. So am I. It’s confusing to watch this. I’m sure for all of you too. There are so many questions. And you have found my blog so you are now looking and listening to things that are not at all adding up with her story. She made it seem like we cared for each other. We were in love. And we wanted to be together. I hope the ratings are good enough so she gets her bonus check. At least that way she can say it was worth it. Isn’t that a part of why this is happening? Ratings, renewing a tv show, and keeping her check coming? I could have sold this story, I had plenty of offers but I said no. Because it’s not worth it to me. I am just a guy with a blog fighting for my career and my life against a woman on national tv.

That’s all of my comments. The only thing I ask is you to look at my blog. Listen to the voicemails and make up your own mind. One of my comments I got tonight was this: “Doesn’t really matter if you are a guy or a girl… either way it is apparent Meri was having, at least, an emotional affair with you. She no longer wanted Kody, she wanted you. You don’t leave 100s of messages over the course of months saying “I love you” in all of them. I am still in love with her. She is an amazing woman. And I’m pretty sure the next time I see Meri, we will be in court.


These are the screenshots of the Twitter accounts Lindsay got rid of. Some of them are the same people Meri has aligned herself with to keep her catfish story going. They have a blog they all worked on together to gather information that is either half true, or a completly created, photoshop creation of their doing, lie. This is the same group that started all of the rumors going on Facebook. The ones that Meri and I were trying to deal with in June when things started to get around about us possibly being together. There are about 10 to 20 people in the group working together to supply content as they try to match up the stories she tells them or other people tell them.

When I reported an account myself, Twitter asked for my identification to prove my twitter account and name were real. I sent in my Driver’s License. And immediately they suspended the nickoconnor account for being a fake. And also said that person had multiple accounts they were using to target me. The nickoconnor account has been shut down several times.AfterDLSent BeforeDLSent IMG_0872 IMG_0920 IMG_0921 IMG_0927 IMG_0928 IMG_0929 IMG_0930 IMG_0931 IMG_0969 IMG_0995 IMG_0996 Each time Twitter suspends their accounts for a few weeks and then they are forced to delete any comments in regards to me. It was effective when we were doing that and it helped quiet things down for a while.

My twitter account has never been suspended and my identity has been proven with Twitter.


About Samuel

Single dad of 4 beautiful kids, Heston & Alex my twin boys, and my daughters Peace and Sky. Dad of 2 angel babies in Heaven, Ryan and Talon. Divorced. Semi-retired app developer, business partner, Commercial Real estate investor, Chicago Bears & Chicago Cubs fan, vegan, lifelong Catholic, voting independent party member, guitar playing singer who owns a dog, and 2 cats. We live in beautiful Denver, Colorado. I started my first blog Janaury 1st, 2012. Official owner of NotBatmanYet.com and @NotBatmanYet Twitter account.
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  1. Wow! Came for the Meri “dirt”, but staying for the VEGAN, southern, gentleman! Vegan Power!!! Did it bother you that Meri isn’t vegan? I think I would personally really struggle in a relationship with a meat eater. Also, I think a lot of people “hate” on Robyn because they see her as the “straw that broke the camel/families back. When we were first introduced to the Sister Wives, they seemed like a happy, well functioning, relatively unjealous group of women. Once Robyn joined we saw Meri and Christine really struggle with their jealousies. We have seen more and more “fractures” than ever before. Obviously it isn’t Robyn’s fault….it’s the nature of the beast. However, I guess some people want to blame someone, so instead of KODY….they blame Robyn?!?!?

    • It isn’t even his fault he fell madly in love once he met Robyn. What is his fault is not even hiding it for the benefit of the other women. It makes them all feel less than being around those two. Robyn is so sweet and I get it, but Meri is beautiful and so smart. Her heart is amazing. She deserves more than he can give her.

  2. I just checked Twitter and @lookbe4uleap appears to be up and running?

  3. Lookbe4uleap is not closed down. Never was. In February you lived in Yukon Oklahoma. When did you move to Las Vegas. You were running 6 businesses from Yukon? Did you have an office there? Who’s running that office now?

    • http://wp.me/a6LyVs-Ae

      That account was suspended. How would you know anything about that account unless it’s your account? You wouldn’t defend it or say anything about it unless that account was somehow important to you. Whoever owns that account is a troll. And a hateful person. It’s sad.

      I was not living in Yukon, Oklahoma in February. Please stop lying. You clearly don’t know anything. Have a nice day.

  4. What happened to posting pics of the 2 of you on this site? That is what you had promised from the beginning. Now, I just read a comment that you’re including pics in the book. Are you still planning on posting pics on this site? If not, can you please say why you changed your mind?

  5. I am confused why Meri clings to this catfish storyline. I know it would mean owning her other behaviors/choices on national tv (ie sleeping with another man etc). But-the public already feels her story is suspect and admitting she was catfished is already embarrassing. If she truly wants happiness why not bite the bullet, admit the truth and move on? The show will carry on, people will forget and she’ll have a happy, more fulfilling life.

    My heart went out to her in this episode at the dinner. She looked so out of place and even…scared? She only made brief eye contact with Kody and his affect remained unchanged. His lack of response should have validated her decision to leave. He.did.not.ask.one.question. I am shocked to hear she reconciled with him. It is clear she is very unhappy. I don’t believe it is a case of “empty-nest” syndrome or a personal defect as the family implied. (It is curious how no one mentioned Kody as a contributor to this. When there are marital issues two people contribute to the problem- either actively or passively. One person cannot assume sole responsibility/blame). Regardless of how much “work” or soul-searching Meri does, returning to the same situation will produce the same results. Unfortunately I think she will only spiral into a deeper depression and sense of isolation. I doubt this incident will better her relationship with Kody or her sister wives.

    On an unrelated note-will your book include photos of the two of you together? Perhaps if irrefutable proof of your relationship is presented, Meri may be forced to finally make the decison to leave. Though she may be scared to do so it seems that it would be best for her happiness.

  6. In response to last nights episode, that’s the first time I noticed Meri not wearing her wedding band. Perhaps I hadn’t been looking previously, but it was obvious to me last night. Since I have been reading the posts here for a while now, I already saw the texts and conversations between you two while she was in Alaska. I put two and two together, and her expressing that she may be gone one day, I took to her admitting that she was planning on moving out and being with you. Fancy editing, for sure. Meanwhile, she’s spilling her soul and Kody’s just sitting there mean-mugging the entire time. I can’t stand that damn man!

    As to why Meri is going along with this ludicrous story, I can only think of one or two reasons that make sense. As sad as it is, you and Meri didn’t work out and so she had to come up with SOMETHING to cover her ass. Or two, Kody wanted to use it as some sort of opportunity to bring in viewers. I don’t think Meri would do something like that… Kody? Absolutely.

    Finally I just have to say that I’m quite surprised you watched last night at all, since I know you said previously you wouldn’t watch. I am still hoping that somehow, somewhere you and Meri will get back in touch and work things out. I don’t see how any of his wives can be happy with him, he seems like a decent father, but a terrible spouse and partner.

  7. This story is too complete to be completley fake… Hope you post more proof

  8. I believe your story. I can not wait to read the Book..Good Job whoever you are!

  9. Last nights episode was confusing. Meri was so vague and the voice over stuff didn’t match what she was saying at dinner. She took so many long pauses which made it seem like she was not being truthful. I guess what confuses me the most is why is she lying? Why not tell the truth. The truth makes so much more sense and really, no one would blame her.

    • Because she would have to sit on national tv and admit we met and had sex and she’s just not ready to admit that yet. She is hiding behind the catfish story. Why? I honestly don’t know. I’m really not that bad of a guy. We did love each other. Only she can answer that. Sorry.

  10. You’ve done a great job of documenting that you and Meri began talking publicly on Twitter on March 1st, which a few hours later led to her directly messaging you, and a few hours after that resulted in her calling you on March 2nd to wish you a happy birthday. You’ve been clear to say, though, that you both had actually started communicating way before March 1 on Twitter. When and where did you first start talking? Did you discuss “going public” together on Twitter?

  11. One thing that is clear to me is that Meri was not being totally honest last night. It will be interesting to see how she will spin this at the tell all. How can she deny her feelings when we all heard the voicemails.

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