This was the day before her Alaska trip. She was going to be gone for more than a week. And we were struggling to say goodbye for a few days. I was very anxious, nervous, and worried. It’s so far away. I said to her on the phone in the afternoon, Please, don’t go. We both knew she had to. And she really did want to go for the adventure, to have fun with the kids and to share the experience with her daughter.
Honesty hour, the day I found out she had to go to the Alaska trip was weeks before this day. And I threw a fit about it. I was so pissed. I was taking it wrong. I was mean to her about going. I didn’t want her to continue to pretend like she was living a happy family life, when the truth was, things had changed so much since we started our affair. I was jealous. That’s the truth. I was very jealous she was going to be away and I was scared she would forget about me. We fought it out. We really did. We both said things that we didn’t mean, mostly me. And I struggled. But the few days before she left on the trip, we really became closer. It was like we fell in love all over again. We could not get enough of each other. We were so happy. We did everything we could to spend as much time as possible before she left.
I didn’t want her to go, but I also didn’t want her to miss out on such a once in a lifetime trip. She wanted to go. I apologized over and over for being an ass about it. I still feel bad about being so selffish. As always with our fights, she was gracious. Because when you really love someone, you get past those stupid fights that mask what the deeper issues are. And my deep issue with her was always losing her. I never wanted to lose her. I was so in love with her. I still am. She is amazing.