I am getting more and more excited as the days go by this week for all of this affair stuff to finally be over. Yes I am writing a book about my experience from it and the lessons I learned. But it’s not going to be a Tell-All story. It’s going to be my love story. There are so many stories and things I haven’t shared. I have only shared about half of what really happened. To me I shared enough. And people do believe me. Yes I am receiving negative comments and I ignore or delete them. If you took the time to write something mean, look at yourself. I’ve been factual, candor, and truthful as I know it to be. With proof. WITH proof. And I’m not trying to rewrite the history. I posted things and it’s up to you how you view them. I’m not overexplaining my version. Because I don’t need to.
I can’t wait until I am a nobody again. I really can’t. It’s going to be so good to have my life back and begin the weird and really hard transition of moving on. Please keep in mind I really thought with all of my heart I would marry her. I thought we would end up together. It has broken me. But I am talking to God a lot, praying even more, and attending Church 2 times a week to keep me grounded. I believe this was a lesson. I believe I learned more about myself than I knew. And I hope and pray to become a better man for the next woman that enters my life.
Maybe it is Peyton. She has stuck by me the whole time. I really thought she was here for the gossip and to get information on a tv show she loves. But it turned out she wanted to know about me. And we have remained friends. She is a great girl. She really is. But I just can’t. I’m nowhere near ready. What I feel is I’m still in love with Meri. After everything she’s said, everything she’s done, I’m still in love with her. Believe me I really wish I wasn’t. It would be so much easier to be angry, and hate her. I can’t hate her. I love her. I’m grieving the loss of her. Maybe more so, the loss of us. This has not been very easy at all. Sitting here knowing we were together, in every way, and seeing her deny my existance. It has broken me.
So what the heck do I do now? How do you even start to move on? I wake up everyday. I go to work and smile. I work hard, I go home. That’s it. I’m not talking. I’m not seeing anyone on my personal time. She talks about being isolated and feeling lonely. That’s exactly where I am at.
The one lesson that is really living in my mind today is kindness. Be kind. She is such a kind woman. I admire her heart. I want to be that kind to people. I’m trying.
I’m going to a homeless shelter tonight to donate some food I bought. I want to volunteer. I want to help. I want to turn this thing around and really do something. Something bigger than myself. I will also drop off a check and learn about how the shelter is helping my community. I have such an urge to get involved in charity. I’m already involved in Church events. You think all this snarky comments I get here are hard to deal with, walk into a Catholic Church and get the looks Lol
But I did this. I take responsibility and it’s all my fault. I’m not blaming anyone or denying any of it. I did this. I had an affair with a married woman.
It was the best 6 months of my life and I don’t regret one minute of it. She is an amazing woman!