Counting down to being nobody

keep-calm-its-almost-over-18I am getting more and more excited as the days go by this week for all of this affair stuff to finally be over. Yes I am writing a book about my experience from it and the lessons I learned. But it’s not going to be a Tell-All story. It’s going to be my love story. There are so many stories and things I haven’t shared. I have only shared about half of what really happened. To me I shared enough. And people do believe me. Yes I am receiving negative comments and I ignore or delete them. If you took the time to write something mean, look at yourself. I’ve been factual, candor, and truthful as I know it to be. With proof. WITH proof. And I’m not trying to rewrite the history. I posted things and it’s up to you how you view them. I’m not overexplaining my version. Because I don’t need to.

I can’t wait until I am a nobody again. I really can’t. It’s going to be so good to have my life back and begin the weird and really hard transition of moving on. Please keep in mind I really thought with all of my heart I would marry her. I thought we would end up together. It has broken me. But I am talking to God a lot, praying even more, and attending Church 2 times a week to keep me grounded. I believe this was a lesson. I believe I learned more about myself than I knew. And I hope and pray to become a better man for the next woman that enters my life.

Maybe it is Peyton. She has stuck by me the whole time. I really thought she was here for the gossip and to get information on a tv show she loves. But it turned out she wanted to know about me. And we have remained friends. She is a great girl. She really is. But I just can’t. I’m nowhere near ready. What I feel is I’m still in love with Meri. After everything she’s said, everything she’s done, I’m still in love with her. Believe me I really wish I wasn’t. It would be so much easier to be angry, and hate her. I can’t hate her. I love her. I’m grieving the loss of her. Maybe more so, the loss of us. This has not been very easy at all. Sitting here knowing we were together, in every way, and seeing her deny my existance. It has broken me.

So what the heck do I do now? How do you even start to move on? I wake up everyday. I go to work and smile. I work hard, I go home. That’s it. I’m not talking. I’m not seeing anyone on my personal time. She talks about being isolated and feeling lonely. That’s exactly where I am at.

The one lesson that is really living in my mind today is kindness. Be kind. She is such a kind woman. I admire her heart. I want to be that kind to people. I’m trying.

I’m going to a homeless shelter tonight to donate some food I bought. I want to volunteer. I want to help. I want to turn this thing around and really do something. Something bigger than myself. I will also drop off a check and learn about how the shelter is helping my community. I have such an urge to get involved in charity. I’m already involved in Church events. You think all this snarky comments I get here are hard to deal with, walk into a Catholic Church and get the looks Lol

But I did this. I take responsibility and it’s all my fault. I’m not blaming anyone or denying any of it. I did this. I had an affair with a married woman.

It was the best 6 months of my life and I don’t regret one minute of it. She is an amazing woman!

About Samuel

Single dad of 4 beautiful kids, Heston & Alex my twin boys, and my daughters Peace and Sky. Dad of 2 angel babies in Heaven, Ryan and Talon. Divorced. Semi-retired app developer, business partner, Commercial Real estate investor, Chicago Bears & Chicago Cubs fan, vegan, lifelong Catholic, voting independent party member, guitar playing singer who owns a dog, and 2 cats. We live in beautiful Denver, Colorado. I started my first blog Janaury 1st, 2012. Official owner of and @NotBatmanYet Twitter account.
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  1. Samuel,
    I have been following your blog for the past few months. I found it from all the tabloids posting snippets of your story. I did a google search and found you. Everything I have read here seem truthful, candid, and genuine. I have asked you a lot of questions in your comments section and you have answered some with what I felt was honesty.

    My one big question is, how do people get from you to Jackie Overton? I have read the blog that a guy named Nick is hosting. And it really doesn’t make sense. Nothing ties directly to you.
    When Jackie was arrested in October, any other charges she had in other states would have popped up. She would have had to face those charges or at least been expeditated to the face the charges. There were no other charges on her. The 3 charges she had were from 16 years ago. The court paperwork say she pleaded no contest, meaning she didn’t admit guilt, or she didn’t admit innocence. That could mean she didn’t know those charges were on her. And who has warrants out for 16 years? That part of the story for her is very suspect.

    Where is the proof for all of the things Nick is alleging? They post photos and information but there are no legal documents. There are no police reports being offered, no proof at all. All they have are stories. People claiming this happened or that happened. If she had really stolen $25,000 from Stacey that would be something the police would look in to. The story Stacey told was she invested it into a company? But we all saw Lindsay posting photos of wads of cash all over her twitter months ago. And in their youtube videos they both sat there happy and talking about all of the fun they were having. Including discussing winning all of that cash together gambling. Stacey is no longer talking to anyone about this.

    No police report for $25,000, no lawsuit for $25,000 and the alleged victim is not talking? Doesn’t add up and sounds more like an angry friend who didn’t get to continue to gamble and travel with Lindsay because she had to go back to the real world and get a real job. While Lindsay is still in Las Vegas partying, gambling, and on what seems to be a permanat vacation. There are numerous people that have seen and hung out with Lindsay at various places on the Strip. Which proves her location. They have been posting photos of them with her and commenting with their photos how much fun she is to hang out with. None of them say anything about her stealing from them or asking them for anything. All of them say she pays for their drinks, invites them to VIP rooms and showers with them drinks and food. All on her dime. It doesn’t sound like Lindsay is broke.

    Also the lack of tabloids quoting Lindsay or Jackie spell out that neither of them are selling stories to get money off of this. And if Meri’s catfish story is meant to hold up, one or both would have something to say about it. Especially Jackie since that is who Meri is placing all of the blame. So where is Jackie? How come no one can find her now? How come she has no online accounts anywhere? No real sign it’s her using any social media accounts? And you say you and Kendra have spoken to her and Jackie claims to have no money to travel to Las Vegas let alone, bail her own mother out of jail.

    I’m sorry you have been put through this but there is nothing I have seen that proves you are a woman or that you are Jackie. There are no legal documents or court proceedings with Jackie’s name on it. The stories these people are telling, including Nick, don’t add up. And if Meri is as stupid as people are alleging, she is playing right into their hands. They have an agenda to stalk, harass, bully you. She has joined in with them. If you look at these people’s social media accounts, they don’t use real info. They don’t post photos of their life, or have real friends. They are internet trolls who have banded together for one common cause. To harass you until you leave the internet.

    What blows my mind Samuel is you have never gone anywhere. You certainly are going to face a possible lawsuit and you are still here posting real proof that can’t be denied by Meri or the Brown family. I believe the Tell All special is going to be Meri sitting across from her ex-husband scared out of her mind and telling more lies about her relationship with you. If you were so scary, if you were abusive and threatening, and she never really met you, she could have simply hung up the phone.

    What I believe is she did meet you. She did fall in love with you and she was in a sexual relationship with you. You don’t send those kind of photos to someone you have never met. At least not if you are a married reality tv star. She said she trusted you. She said you were loving, kind, and compassionate. And she got very emotional when she was remembering how much you two laughed together. In all of the years on the show, I have never seen Meri get that raw or emotional over Kody. Never. You can tell she is still in love with you. I believe Meri is scared to admit the truth about your relationship. Since it ended she had no other choice but to go back to the family and pretend you were a horrible guy. But the truth was in her confession.

    TLC would have offered her a private investigator or legal counsel. You would have been in jail by now or Jackie would be if one of their network stars were really being harassing or stalked. TLC has enough money to offer all kinds of help for her to figure out the mystery of this story. All we have is her word versus yours. And you offer a mountain range of proof. Where is any of her proof.

    I hope after the Tell All you write your side of the story like you did after the season finale, so real supporters of yours, like me, can make up our own mind about what the truth really is. This will be her last chance to really come clean and I don’t see it happening. I believe she is going to sit there and be as vague as possible. She may not even say anyone’s names because she really doesn’t know 100% what is going on. She is obviously naive and emotionally immature. I hope TLC offers her extra counseling sessions to help her sort through her depression and mental issues. There is no feeling bad for a married woman who volunteerily kept an affair going, no matter what level of affair it was, for 6 months. She is playing victim, she has history of doing it for years with the family. I really don’t think the family believes her 100%. I think there are serious cracks in the relationships with the adults and because of you their show was saved from going under since their ratings have been worse this year than the last. The season finale only netted 2,249,000 with their main demographic only TLC’s SISTER WIVES jumped 0.14 to 0.69. For a season finale those are bad numbers. Last season finale was at .93 and netted 2,792,000 viewers. Knowing the numbers were done, my conclusion is the family had to do some sort of scandal to get their ratings up to continue to get paid. And they are using you and your story to make money.

    Hang in there. This too shall pass.


  2. Unhappy Dike Jackie

    Please track me, as well Jackie. Because I’m at Disney this week and I just used your (in this case, “my”) name and birthdate at Guest Relations and they looked up “my” last visit to DisneyLand. Wouldn’t ya know there I was. Jackie Overton was at Disneyland. Got the proof, and I’ve sent it over to In Touch.
    Loving this.

  3. Oh you got me. I have a kidney disease, no Facebook, and a crazy stalker with zero supporters who says I’m trying to get money for said non-deadly (she’s not even got those facts straight) kidney disease. Nice googling. All true. Doesn’t make me a “troll”…

    • It does make you a troll because you make up stories about me that aren’t true. You are the one that said you couldn’t be found and I don’t know who you are. No one is anonymous on my blog. Trolls get banned.

  4. I’d like to believe this story but I don’t. You’d have posted ONE pic of you together if it was so easy for people to have found photos of “Lindsay” and Meri at Disney. There are no numbers for your “businesses” listed anywhere. No history, no childhood, just a mountain of people who have been hurt from similar stories. I hope you find peace and the help you need thru this. I do believe you loved Meri and maybe the others, just not that you loved her as yourself instead of this guy Sam. Unfortunately with IP tracking, phone tracking, etc the truth will come out in the end. You claim to not want the attention but you are milking it with lengthy posts daily when you could make it go away with one simple photo. Hopefully the end results in you getting the help that you need. I don’t expect you will post this because you’ll call me a troll (little do you know who I am), but hopefully it’ll help you on some level. I wish you well

    • There is a time to release those photos and we haven’t hit that point yet. But I will be posting them. It’s easy for people to find photos of Meri and Lindsay at Disney because Lindsay posted them on her twitter and trolls like you screenshotted them. My businesses are private companies that work within the local cities they are in and the phone numbers can be found there. Not online. I am not an online guy. I have never needed the internet to get my businesses going or advertise for them. My history and childhood? How creepy are you to want to look me up? That’s creepy.
      The mountain of people with similar stories are fame seeking trolls who have zero proof that is real. What they have are screenshots of fake accounts, fake accounts, and a history they created to make the catfish story fly. You trolls have all sold this pathetic story to Meri, who is going along with the exact script you guys made up so she doesn’t have to admit the real truth, which is we had an affair. A real affair.
      I am finding peace, thank you. I wish the same for you. Unfortunately for you, you are right. With IP tracking, etc the truth has come out on who you are. Little do I know who you are, you are a troll who has harassed me long enough. I simple request to Lindsay to look up your ip address and email address you provided showed enough to get you banned from here. Please stop stalking me. Have a nice day.

      lindsay: she a troll, here

  5. …I will miss you…..your love story has been special and gives hope to people that they will find love and joy in their lives… took balls to share all that you have and I admire you for it…if my son had lived he would be about your age…but no happy ending there——–but you my friend are still walking this earth , smiling, looking for the forever and always kind of love….and I am pulling for you !!!! Keep on keepin on —— I will miss you.

  6. I have followed this all from the beginning.
    I see a person, really makes no difference WHO you are, that clearly loved someone and felt loved back. And now that love is gone.
    The pain of loss is tremendous even if it was not 100% based on what could actually be.

  7. As much as I didn’t care about this whole thing in the beginning, your writing drew me in. At first I too didn’t believe you Sam. Through my own experience of having an affair chasing the D/s lifestyle in hopes of finding a much deeper connection things evolve that sometimes we don’t see coming. Sometimes your the bug and sometimes your the windshield. It wasn’t really the “proof” that you had it was your heartfelt words that only a man in love could convey that changed my mind. Love is powerful and sometimes you risk it all and win and sometimes with risk you loose. Like the movie steel magnolias I’d rather have a moment of happiness than a lifetime of nothing special. You never learn the depth of your own heart and capacity to love until you’ve really loved and that in itself is worth the price because now you know your worth as far as relationship worth. What you bring to the table is the kind of love and devotion that is rare and priceless whether in the end be it with Meri or someone else you deserve to have nothing less than what you offer . When it’s right and it will be one day it won’t be ordinary it will be extroidnary.

    Through this experience I believe your book will inspire many many people. You’ve surely inspired me!! You’ve reminded me to say more to do more for the one I love. You’ve reminded me not to settle on ordinary and to give my heart to one who values and treasures it . In addition I’ve been delaying on writing a book myself on my experience. Youve inspired me to write again. Reading the male side of similar feelings, thoughts and experiences that I too have gone through I feel a kinship through the pain of heartbreak .

    You’ve shared so much of yourself with all of us, it’s hard not to think of you as a friend and to feel close to you. I hope you allow us to continue to correspond with you after all this is over. I’d like very much to follow your journey and to be a pen pal .

  8. Looking forward to seeing what you do with your life when all the media attention is over.
    I came to your site from curiosity and came back to read the story- over and over…
    You can write your own ending and it can be good! You have talent- and not a shortage of fans… Use both for the opportunities that are to come. 😎

  9. I admire your courage and strength to address publicly your side of the story. I feel sorry for both of you. I’ve always felt Meri looked alone n lonely even when she was surrounded by her plural family. I hope and pray you both someday have a loving fulfilled committed relationship.

  10. Rewrite your list, put it back in your pocket. I commented on that post, Looking For Love. Go read what I wrote. And most importantly, learn, heal and wait. Praying for you friend.

  11. I wish I had some phrase or advice to help you through things. I’ve often heard things like “fake it till you make it”. I’m sure surrounding yourself with kindness and acts of charity, giving and just focusing on getting back to YOU again.

    I admit I came here to hear your side of things, to get as much information as I could, but now I’ve really come to admire you. You write things in a way that really draws me in, and I hope I’ll be able to keep up with you long after this story dies from headlines and memories.

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