Breaking down in my life has opened me up to a new path. I had it in my head what my perfect life looked like. Now that it’s over, what do I do? What will my path be? I could spend hours worrying but I give my life to God and wait. The waiting part is easy. I have waited years to find the love of my life. Not weeks, not months. Years. I always knew she would be special. I knew she would be blonde and sweet. Kindness is a huge turn on to me. Followed closely by a great laugh.
What I need now is some time alone to reflect. Reading helps. Praying helps more. I’m not going to sit on my ass one more day and feel sorry for myself. I am going to get out in the world and continue on the path that is right in front of me.
I didn’t get the girl. I got really, really close. But in the heartbreak of losing her, I realize how much love I do have to offer. All of the lessons I have learned from this whole big messy….thing, I get to take those with me. And the next girl that blesses my life is going to end up with a very sweet, very kind, compassionate man who doesn’t complain much. Essentially that is who I am at my core. I am so thankful and blessed in my life. I know humility. I know letting go of my ego will serve me further than holding on to pride. I get my second chance. Or maybe this is my 10th chance. Who is counting?
Love that has alluded me all of my life is waiting. There is a girl in the world right now sitting there thinking about a guy who she will randomly meet and fall in love with. She is offering the same hope and prayer I am. She is ready, willing, and scared for her heart. She has lived her life, she has made mistakes, and she has forgiven herself. And here I am, her gold treasure at the end of her rainbow.
Right now I’m not feeling much like any kind of prize for anyone. But I’m going to. All of my fears are the same fears anyone else has had. We have all had doubts. We have all struggled. I am nobody special. But I am somebody to remember. Because I lead my life with my heart into foolish choices. And I stood at the end of each road and claimed my truth. Vulnerable, scared, and alone. I made it through each one of my failures. I beat myself up, I worried, and I sank. Then I meditated, breathed, and got up.
There are people that want me to disappear. There are people that literally spend all day talking about me and my life. And not for good intentions.
Here I am.
I’m not going anywhere.
I am going to find love. And I’m going to get married someday. Kids? I would love that but if it’s not meant to be, I accept God’s decision.
I didn’t give up on myself. I fought hard. I tried harder. I made it. And I’m not feeling so sad anymore. I have learned how to be brave. I am nobody’s hero. That’s wrong. I have been my own hero because this has all been a lot harder than I have put out there.
What would you do if a nation of people thought you were mean to a beautiful woman who was too scared to tell the truth?
I fought. And I’m not going anywhere.
I want to be loved. And someday, I pray I will be.
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Cheryl the Stalker
I have a stalker named Cheryl Crisafulli.
Read about it: here
Twitter & the Police Get rid of my StalkerCheryl finally got handed justice after stalking me for over 5 years!
Read about it: here