To the outside world this is a big What If game being played in the media and online. And I’m sitting back laughing at how ridiculous a lot of the stories are being twisted into one of those foil swans you take leftovers home in. It amuses me. But nothing else about this does. It’s not funny at all. This is my life and people playing around with it is affecting me. My family is upset, my employees are questioning me, my clients are not sure what to believe and all of this will have a permanent gravestone on the internet forever. My name and the word catfish will live forever. How am I ever going to live a normal life, now?
The only way I know how to get through anything is to stand up for myself, share my thoughts and feelings and leave it right there. There are some people that hate me. They leave me some of the nastiest messages and I delete them before I get to far down and see how bad it really gets. Some people just don’t know what to think. I can say that is the majority of the folks that come here to read my blogs. And then there are the 1% that have always believed me for their own reasons. And none of these folks know me. None of them. They have never even spoken to me, yet they claim to know all of this information. There is even a blog with “facts” about who I really am. Really? Googling stuff and shoving it onto a free wordpress.com blog proves what? That you can look something up that may or may not be attributed to me? Where is any real proof that I am anyone but me? Where is anyone coming out saying they know me or any real information about my life? My family and my friends have all been asked to leave it alone. They do get after it on Facebook and load up my page with article links and comments they find, but they are still being protective of me. So far. That’s what real family and friends are all about. They don’t really know what’s going on but they really do know me and will fight with me to get through all of this. And I am so very thankful for that.
I was not ready for all of this attention. I don’t like it. It makes me very uncomfortable. But I had to break up with fear to get this far. The woman that once loved me more than she has ever loved another human being, other than her daughter, wants to destroy every part of my life. She is doing all she can to set herself up the innocent victim and preparing America to witness the “real story” behind all the headlines. I can’t wait to hear from my lawyers, my family, and my friends how it all plays out. I have not watched any of this show this season. I’m done watching it. I can’t stomach it after learning all the things I learned about it. Reality tv is not real. It has portions that are real, but for the most part it is an edited version with scripts and scheduled “family events” to keep people interested in watching. To keep the advertisers $$$ flowing. Because money can be the most important thing to some people. Then came this one little problem of total and complete humiliation and embarrassment all over the tv, newsstand, and internet. It is affecting me. And I don’t like it. But like everything else I have no control over any of it. I just have to wait it out. My 15 seconds of fame has turned into almost 3 months of fame I don’t want to be known for. All I can do to fight all of this is to post facts and truth as I know it. That’s the only reason this is on my blog.
And as soon as the last show gets aired I will delete it all. Because it won’t matter anymore. But right now, we are immersed in it.
For about the 100th time:
I did not catfish her. I am not a catfish. And I am a guy named Samuel.
I have said that all along. I have answered questions from her fans, I have texted, called, been called, skyped, video skyped, facetimed, and ran into a few people that want to know more about this. People want to know and I don’t understand why. It’s none of their business.
This isn’t the worst thing that has ever happened to me. And it’s not going to ruin me. It’s annoying. And soon it will end and I get to go on with my life as the guy that had the affair with a married tv star.
What you will see on the next episode is her saying we never met, she will claim I sent her fake photos, she will say we did not have sex, and she will say that I deceived her.
What she can say is I was there for her when no one else was.
I helped her deal with a lot of really big/bad health issues.
I was the only one that ever called her baby.
I supported her unconditionally through some heavy family issues.
I helped her come to a realization that healing things with Janelle was necessary.
And that I loved her every single day we were together with so much love that even I didn’t realize how much she meant to me, until she was gone.
And I not only listened as she talked things out, but loved her when she had some monumental emotional meltdowns over all of the pressure and frustration that comes with being a reality tv star.
I loved her. I really, really loved this woman with all of my heart. What we had was a very deep and strong connection. It was one of those relationships that came out of nowhere. Neither one of us was looking for this. It just happened.
That’s what magic is.
Then feelings were developed fast because we have so much in common. She could really talk to me. And I could talk to her. I mostly did the listening. And I made her laugh. We laughed lot. We had so many great talks. Late into the mornings.
She is nothing at all what you expect. She is so smart and kind. A huge heart and a good person. One of those people you want to be friends with right after meeting them. She is amazing. And I’ve said nothing but that all along. I’m not tearing her down or trying to make her look bad. I’m telling the truth as I know it. I’m posting what she voluntarily sent to me.
The stories that money was involved or there was an agenda to get money from her or her family are false. The only money that exchanged hands are the 8 $100 bills Lindsay handed to her for her selling Liv products. It was for products. Nothing was given to her just for her to have it. She gets by financially. She’s not rich. She’s also not poor. And I have more money than I know what to do with. I don’t want or need a dime from her. I never asked her for anything. Nothing. Not money, not gifts, nothing. We gave each other small gifts. Things that mattered. Those stupid love gifts you exchange when you are first dating someone. The ones you put next to your bed and look at with a grin knowing where they came from.
There there is the black and white stripped sweater that has become a staple on the show this year, according to people that keep talking about it. It is a Calvin Klein sweater that I paid for. Lindsay picked it out because Lindsay was going shopping that day with her friend and I asked her to look for something. She found it, sent me a picture of it and bought it. Then I paid her back for it. And it has been worn a lot this season from what also gets said. As a nod to me. I’m sure it’s fire kindling now.
What if I am telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? What if she is covering this affair up with a salacious scandal ridden story that makes no real sense to logic and common sense? It has become complicated.
The truth is it’s not. At all. It was a man and a woman that fell madly in love and struggled to make it work or last. To all of you it was 6 months of twitter love, an online emotional affair.
To me it was the best 6 months of my life.
I am still in love with her. I am moving on because all that we had is dead. But I remember all of it. And I choose to keep the good memories in my heart. Because I have never felt like that before. I didn’ t know love could feel like that. I didn’t know I could feel that special to a woman. I thank God everyday for bringing her in my life. And I pray every night that she is happy. Because that’s what you do when you really love someone.
You wish them well, no matter what.