No more freebies

That’s it those are the first 5 pages of my book for free. I hope it makes you want more. I tried really hard to write about my experiences and add a little humor. I think I am funny in a non-threatening way.  I am leaving at noon to fly to Seattle for the weekend. My buddy is getting married and I am a groomsman. Groom’s man? I’m standing up there looking pretty. I have to go pick up my tux after I leave work and try it on for the last time. It fit great the last time they had to alter one of the cuffs at the bottom. It’s been a while since I tied a bowtie I bought a clip on to make it easier. I hope the bride doesn’t notice. She’s already texted all of the groomsmen to threatened us about the bachelor party tonight. We are not allowed to get Kevin drunk. Only 2 drinks than sodas the rest of the night. Yeah right, sweetheart Lol Kevin used to lose to bad at beer pong in college he would throw up by round 5. He also used to piss himself about 4 hours into any frat party and none of us have matured beyond those years so I’m thinking Kevin might show up Saturday afternoon with one eyebrow and regret Lol

Ya’ll need to be watching American Idol. It’s the last season and it’s really good. This west coast feed stuff sucks because my twitter timeline gets filled up with everyone talking about the east coast feed. Check it out, great show so far.

Have a great weekend whatever you may be doing. Stay warm, have fun and go to Church on Sunday! I love ya’ll, God loves you too. Talk to you next week!

Page 5 of my book Almost Meri’ed

ebookcover1  Where was I? Oh yes! As a kid I modeled how my parents acted until my teachers at school kept giving me timeout in the captain’s chair. When I say the captain’s chair you might think that sounds like a really cool fun thing an elementary school student would want to sit in. No. What the nuns made you do is stand in a corner, squat like you were sitting on an imaginary chair with your arms straight out and stand like that until you either fell over, faked a fall to get out of it, or until the kitchen timer went off. It was never long enough that you learned your lesson. I’m sure if that was the goal I would still be in the corner. I was never in trouble for running my mouth off in class. Or pulling pigtails. I always got in trouble because I wouldn’t rat out my friends. They would do stuff that always seem to involve me somehow. Making me pass notes, making me sneeze loud so they could make a weird noise to distract the class at the same time. It was always something. Because I was a good 6 inches taller than anyone else my little brown-haired head was always the one the teacher focused on. I don’t have a very good poker face at all so my big grin always gave it away that I was somehow involved. Instead of wasting time finding out who really did the bad things I would get punished for not giving up any names. It sounds bad but on the playground I had mad street cred for this. All of my friends would high-five me for taking the captain’s chair in stride. Loyalty is a must as a kid to keep your friends.
I honestly believe my parents should have never gotten married. I would pray they would leave each other. Even worse a few times I prayed my dad would never come home. I am ashamed of admitting that but I wanted him gone. By the time I entered high school I had a lot of really good friends I had survived elementary and middle school with.
Then came Lisa. My first everything. She told me on the first day of freshman year that I was going to be her boyfriend. I said okay. Not really knowing or thinking what that meant then went on ignoring her for the rest of the week. Friday after school she told me we had to go on a date so everyone would see we were a couple. I said I don’t have any money and I doubted my mom would give me $10 to go anywhere. She said figure it out see you at Dairy Queen around 6. And that was it. My first date and the beginning of an off and on 15 year relationship with this girl. There was one other girl in between Lisa and Meri, I won’t talk about her. And then Meri. Lisa showed me how to be in a relationship. Meri showed me how to nurture and build a relationship. And the sex with Meri was amazing. She’s really, well I will get more in detail about our sex life in a few more chapters.

Lisa and I got along very well because she understood being Catholic. She didn’t pressure me into anything. She told me what to do, where to be, and who to talk to. I was a sucker for her cute smile. I’m also a people pleaser so doing whatever made her happy was more important to me than doing anything I wanted. It made me happy to make her happy. By the way, don’t be like that in relationships. It eventually makes you resentful. I know that now.

Page 4 of my book Almost Meri’ed

ebookcover1  We grew up going to Catholic school, Church on Wednesday nights and Sundays. Sometimes twice on Sundays. That depended on how bad we had behaved all week. And I was usually not the cause of that. I stayed quiet. It became easier to deal with my dad as the years went on. After a while I figured out how to handle his drinking and being mad. I coped. That’s what a lot of us do as kids. We know there is something wrong with one of our parents or a sibling and we ride it out. Instead of really knowing what to say or do, we hide what we feel or think. Then as adults all of this repressed anger comes out in our relationships and friendships.

It took me a long time to figure out why I felt I had to work out so much. It was all of this undeveloped anger I never let out as a kid. Working out made me feel better. I could be aggressive, push myself like I wanted to push on my dad. I coped. That’s not how things should be. We all need to learn at an early age to communicate. I also really believe you should take your kids individually on dates. Show them how a young lady or a young gentleman should respect you as their date. Maybe start around the age of 5 and go to dinner or a movie. Something that makes them use manners and open up to you. Lead them by example so when they do start dating they already have the necessary tools. No one took me aside and said this is how you treat a girl on a date. I just did what all of my friends were doing. I said a lot of really dumb things and embarrassed myself. I wasn’t using manners very well and I kind of blew off my date to go hang out with my friends as soon as we arrived somewhere. As an adult I would never pull a stunt like that. I figured out how to deal with it better. I think a lot of problems are the deterioration of manners and certain feelings of entitlement. I admit it I’m still learning how to deal with relationships. I’m obviously not very good at them. But I keep trying because one of these days I’m going to meet someone who stays around and molds me into this perfect version of myself. I can do all that I can on my own, but it takes a subjective and unconditional love to really get you fine tuned. Or trained, right ladies?

You might as well know by this point I tend to veer off from the topic I start out on. That’s how my mind works. I find myself writing this and wanting to talk about all kinds of life experiences I have had. You will get used to it. I make perfect sense without the guidance of grammar or sentence structure. I’m going to drive some strict spelling and grammar police nuts. That makes me laugh thinking of them reading my book wanting to bang their head on the table. It’s left exactly as I wrote it. I’m not a professional writer, obviously. I’m not trying to pretend I am by using words I would never really use in my life. I could write a soliloquy of extemporaneous topics but what fun would be that? I don’t talk like that. I actually had to look up both of those words to make sure I spelled them right. I didn’t by the way. I got close.