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Chapter 1
How did this happen to me?

I had an affair with a married reality tv star. I know, it shocked me too. I wasn’t looking for it to happen. It sort of just…happened. The affair lasted from March 1st 2015 until August 30th, 2015 and came with a whole lot of baggage afterwards. Somethings I can forgive easily because now I understand the reasons and the lies. But as it is happening, you just get really confused and sad. The things I can’t forgive are for me to deal with privately. And I’m trying. It was fun and exciting. We had a lot of fun. We laughed all of the time. I wish that was an exaggeration, it might make it easier to walk away from her. But the truth is we laughed a lot. Almost daily.

What on Earth could I possibly have in common with a polygamist? I didn’t think anything at all. But as time went on I found out we had a lot of things in common. Maybe too many things. We seemed to share common experiences with pain and suffering. We both were traumatized in our childhoods by abuse, low self-esteem, and insecurities. I’m Catholic. Even dating a former polygamist was so far out of my range I didn’t consider it a possibility. Religiously and morally I know it’s wrong to engage in an affair. It’s something that we talk about openly in Church. Temptation, the devil, lust, self-serving us into situations we are supposed to fight against. But love. Love just takes over your head and your heart. Next thing you know you surrender and you are in so deep you don’t want it to end. That’s what happened to me. I can only speak from my experiences with her. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I found out within  a few days this wasn’t going to be a normal friendship.

What I found was a beautiful woman who had big dreams and hopes that were slowly dying. One day at a time she was losing herself. Losing what she fought so hard for. And what she told me early on was things were not at all what they seem to be. I thought she was a happily married woman with a strong sense of family. At least one of those was right. And it wasn’t the first one. Within the first day of us talking she started to confide in me of how things had been going. It was really sad.

Maybe I was trying to save her. Maybe I was trying to save myself. I don’t really know. I know looking back now it was going to be interesting. And that’s the excitement for me in relationships. I don’t date normal girls. I prefer the ones that challenge me, make me think and be a better man. And she was offering all 3.

I wish I had never met her. I wish this never happened. Loving her was the best feeling I had ever felt before. It was magic. It meant the world to me and I did everything I could to keep us together. Until it had definitively ended. Then I walked away. And I never looked back. There was nothing there for me to go back to. She made her choice, I made mine. And it ended as quickly as it began. One day I woke up and she was in my life. The next, she was gone. Yet not gone because the tabloids and tv made sure of that. A constant reminder she was still out there somewhere and not with me anymore. Do you know how hard that is to live your life knowing the one person you love more than anything is just a few blocks away? It’s torture. I moved back to Chicago as soon as I could. I had to. I couldn’t live that close to her anymore. It was too hard.

I will do my best to explain from my perspective on what happened. I’m going to name names and tell my truth. This is not a tell all book. It’s a love story. It’s my love story with Meri Brown from Sister Wives.

I still can’t believe I’m saying that. So here we go.

9 thoughts on “First page of my book Almost Meri’ed”

  1. Life is complicated, love is complicated. Too bad when the complications get in the way of the joy. I cannot imagine trying to bridge the distance between Catholicism and polygamy-it just seems like too big a gap. I think you were very brave to try, and it’s just so sad she wasn’t brave enough to follow her own heart: think how much happiness the two of you could now be sharing.

  2. “Do you know how hard that is to live your life knowing the person you love more than anything is just a few blocks away?”

    Unfortunately, yes, I do. It’s excruciating. It’s torturous. It’s a wound that festers because they never really quite go away.

    They live 7 blocks from me. I’ve caught them staring at my house, while getting gas across the street from my home. I want to run from my house & scream at them, “You don’t have the right to wonder about me, my life nor mourn the loss of me in yours! YOU betrayed me! It was YOUR choice to break us! You did it without my consent.” But I can’t do that because I am too classy for that & I shouldn’t have to look like a lunatic to be left alone & find my peace.

    As if that isn’t enough in the Pain Department, his mother & my entire family are buried within feet from each other, in a small Catholic cemetery, in the little village I grew up in. A village that my great, great, great grandfather helped found in 1848. So now, every time I want to visit my grandmother’s grave, on Mother’s Day (as she was a second mother to me), I pray on the 20 minute drive there, that I don’t “bump” into him at the cemetery. My parents have crypts there so that will be their final resting stop also. So for the rest of my entire life, the odds of my “bumping” into him unexpectedly, are extremely high. See, I’m the Poster Child of “It’s a Small World.” I live in Milwaukee. A few years ago, I was at the Atlanta airport, on a 3-hour layover from San Antonio. I was walking through the airport & there was my aunt, from Tampa. Neither of us had any idea we were both traveling that day, let alone at the same exact airport. I’ve turned corners, in Manhattan, & bumped into childhood friends I haven’t seen in decades. Things like that are my “normal.”

    What’s worse is, Sam….. I also know that it’s like to be DENIED of who you were to them. In some ways, I see your six month relationship as a blessing to you even ending so quickly. At least you got to find out quickly, whereas I was 6 years in. But then again, I feel blessed that my pain wasn’t paraded publicly as yours was. I’m quite certain, had that been the case in my situation, there would be footage of me all over CNN & the news outlets, of my wielding a baseball bat. hahaha.

    You’re not alone, in your pain, Sam. The healing process sucks whale balls.

    ~Tracy, From Milwaukee

  3. OMG, Sam…just wow. I just want more. A friend of mine texted me and told me to rush over to your blog to read this post. I am going to say I am hooked. I love a good love story (though I prefer happy endings where the guy gets the girl but I will make an exception for your .Just reading the first page I know it will be good!) Please let us know when your book hits Amazon. I so want to read it now.

    I hope your New Year goes great! Thanks for sharing.

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