How did this happen to me?
I had an affair with a married reality tv star. I know, it shocked me too. I wasn’t looking for it to happen. It sort of just…happened. The affair lasted from March 1st 2015 until August 30th, 2015 and came with a whole lot of baggage afterwards. Somethings I can forgive easily because now I understand the reasons and the lies. But as it is happening, you just get really confused and sad. The things I can’t forgive are for me to deal with privately. And I’m trying. It was fun and exciting. We had a lot of fun. We laughed all of the time. I wish that was an exaggeration, it might make it easier to walk away from her. But the truth is we laughed a lot. Almost daily.
What on Earth could I possibly have in common with a polygamist? I didn’t think anything at all. But as time went on I found out we had a lot of things in common. Maybe too many things. We seemed to share common experiences with pain and suffering. We both were traumatized in our childhoods by abuse, low self-esteem, and insecurities. I’m Catholic. Even dating a former polygamist was so far out of my range I didn’t consider it a possibility. Religiously and morally I know it’s wrong to engage in an affair. It’s something that we talk about openly in Church. Temptation, the devil, lust, self-serving us into situations we are supposed to fight against. But love. Love just takes over your head and your heart. Next thing you know you surrender and you are in so deep you don’t want it to end. That’s what happened to me. I can only speak from my experiences with her. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I found out within a few days this wasn’t going to be a normal friendship.
What I found was a beautiful woman who had big dreams and hopes that were slowly dying. One day at a time she was losing herself. Losing what she fought so hard for. And what she told me early on was things were not at all what they seem to be. I thought she was a happily married woman with a strong sense of family. At least one of those was right. And it wasn’t the first one. Within the first day of us talking she started to confide in me of how things had been going. It was really sad.
Maybe I was trying to save her. Maybe I was trying to save myself. I don’t really know. I know looking back now it was going to be interesting. And that’s the excitement for me in relationships. I don’t date normal girls. I prefer the ones that challenge me, make me think and be a better man. And she was offering all 3.
I wish I had never met her. I wish this never happened. Loving her was the best feeling I had ever felt before. It was magic. It meant the world to me and I did everything I could to keep us together. Until it had definitively ended. Then I walked away. And I never looked back. There was nothing there for me to go back to. She made her choice, I made mine. And it ended as quickly as it began. One day I woke up and she was in my life. The next, she was gone. Yet not gone because the tabloids and tv made sure of that. A constant reminder she was still out there somewhere and not with me anymore. Do you know how hard that is to live your life knowing the one person you love more than anything is just a few blocks away? It’s torture. I moved back to Chicago as soon as I could. I had to. I couldn’t live that close to her anymore. It was too hard.
I will do my best to explain from my perspective on what happened. I’m going to name names and tell my truth. This is not a tell all book. It’s a love story. It’s my love story with Meri Brown from Sister Wives.
I still can’t believe I’m saying that. So here we go.