You say you aren’t special because the world doesn’t know you, but that’s an insult to me. I know about you.
Hello from Oklahoma city. I am on a late lunch break and decided to write a quick…something.
Another busy week for me. I had planned on going back to Chicago on Friday morning but it looks like I need to venture that way tonight. Which is good, maybe I can leave Friday afternoon or night to get to Denver earlier than planned. I had bought 3 tickets to the Super Bowl because Lindsay told me she wanted to go. Ben doesn’t like football, he’s a baseball guy. When she suddenly got married I just assumed she didn’t want to go to the Super Bowl. Which led me to a 2 hour “discussion” last night via text, voicemails, and a photo of her middle finger over snapchat Lol So she and Ben will both be going but Ben will be spending the game time with a friend of his instead of going with us. I offered to try to get him a ticket and thankfully he said no. It was hard enough to buy 3 tickets all together. That new Ticket Exchange website the NFL has is awesome.
Mike is in full on Broncos mode. He is so excited. Again I will be sporting my Jay Cutler Bears jersey to the game. He begged me not to, but I have to. I can’t sit there in another team’s gear. That’s not how you do it. Lindsay, actually I don’t even know what team she is rooting for. Last I heard she said whoever her Bookie said is the bigger spread? Not sure about that. I’m mainly going because Mike’s team is in it. If the Broncos weren’t playing I wouldn’t go. I like Super Bowl parties. The food is always great, everyone watching the game and laughing at the commercials. That’s more my pace. I’m a natural-born party host. I love that part of it.
I got a preview of the new Buick spot, it’s really funny. And I also saw the Budweiser spot. Let me just say I didn’t think anything would top the little horse growing up and leaving the farmer. That one got me, I admit it. But this year. Just wait. It’s the music that brings it home. Great job advertising people. You work so hard for this one 30 second spot and it is well worth it.
I OPENED A CAN OF WORMS, with that relationship blog I wrote the other day. I love all the comments. I love getting dinged for never being married. I was in an on and off 15 year relationship with my high school sweetheart turned fiancée. We were having a baby. No that’s not a marriage but it’s close enough. I do have that long-term commitment experience. I qualify. We fought, we struggled, but mostly we sat down and talked things out. She is the one that threw the shoe at me. We lived together, we had joint accounts. We were a future. Then that future ended. And I was left with all of these What If’s that have come in and out of my mind over the years.
After that I waited 10 years. I was mourning the loss of her, but mostly it was the loss of our son, Ryan. I didn’t know how to move on from that. I didn’t want to start over until I knew I could handle it emotionally. 10 years is a long time to wait for love. In that time I would daydream. I would attend my friends’ weddings, see them have kids, build a life. I wanted all of that too, but I wasn’t ready. Finally I tried to date. Complete disaster. I ended up with a very controlling woman who said she loved me but it wasn’t me she loved. She loved the situation of having someone in her life. I was a bench. I supported her, I was there when she needed me but that was pretty much it. We had these great talks. And that’s when I realized how different we were. I ended it. She was wrong, very wrong for me. And I let months go by. Then I met Meri. We all know that story.
So here I am. Wondering when I will be ready to welcome love back into my life. But this time I’m done praying for it to happen. I can’t. I just can’t. I’m going to have babies in my life soon, I have a lot of great things going on with work. I just can’t ask God for a woman in my life right now. If one shows up, I hope she is patient. I hope she has a sledgehammer because the walls I have up now are 100 stories high and at least 10 foot deep. She’s going to have to be amazing. She’s going to have to want to get me to open up. And it’s going to take a very, very long time.
I don’t have answers for anyone’s relationship. I don’t pretend I do. But I do know that if you are feeling unwanted, unimportant, and lonely, exam that. Look into yourself. Look at how you live your life. I wake up smiling every morning. I can’t wait to get showered, have my breakfast and start the day. I am so happy to be…free. I love my life right now. And I want everyone to feel that same with. Whether in a relationship or not. All I meant to say with that last post is you don’t have to stay where you feel stuck. If you aren’t happy, if you have really tried everything and nothing changes, yes go. By all means leave. Because what is waiting for you on the other side of that door is more rewarding, more freeing than you realize. A lot of people think you should stick it out. If someone is dying soon and you have put your entire life on hold, that’s something worth sticking it out for. Because leaving someone who is about to die will make you regret the decision to leave for the rest of your life. I promise you this is a truest thing I can tell you about broken relationships. The guy, 9 times out of 10 will sleep with someone within the first month you leave. I promise you that’s true. Now keep in mind it will be denied for years but it’s the truth.
I have a new friend who broke up with her long term boyfriend recently. I told her, if he’s at the bar he’s going to go home with someone tonight because that’s what guys do. She didn’t know if he would or not. He did. And she moved on. She is still trying to move on and she is struggling. But she’s doing it. I think she is very brave. I think she put years into a guy that wasn’t right for her. And I hope she realizes all of those years were worth it in the sense they made her figure out who she is and what kind of man is right for her. I’m there for her in anyway she needs. She is so strong. I remember what that feels like the first week of a breakup. Man is that hard. Everything hurts. She is surviving and doing very well. I am proud of her. She is going to be just fine.
I have another new friend battling something that will take all she’s got. I pray for her every day. I hope she knows how important she is to everyone. She is awesome. Always makes me laugh.
Me? I’m doing great. I have been enjoying talking to my employees here. We went out to dinner last night. Had a great time catching up. Trying to get through today so I can get going. I think tonight is going to be a beautiful flight into Chicago. I am looking forward to it.
God loves you and I love ya’ll too! Have a great week!