83rd Voicemail, 84th Voicemail – May 6, 2015

We were still doing great. I had more time to talk to her that morning. The reason I know all of this is because I compared my cellphone bills with each day and had a spreadsheet built to let me know when I talked to her, how long we talked and who called who. It made it easier to stay organized and I can search by date to figure something out when someone had a question.

Her cellphone bill is also a huge indicator on how much we did talk on the phone. Her family can very easily go look at it and see how often she called me. Sometimes it was 15 calls in a day. She films every other week so on her off week she would blow up my phone several times a day just to say she loved me or she wanted to talk. I loved those weeks. We got to know a lot about each other and I made time for her at night if I was in town. Either we would get together or we would talk on the phone. It depended on what we both had going on.

83rd Voicemail May 6th, 2015 1:51pm

Hello baby you should at least put a voice message on your phone so I don’t have to hear the automated lady at least I could hear a voice when I call you and you don’t answer your phone. Just like you hearing mine when you don’t answer your phone. Anyway, alright, just touching base with you. I love you, I’ll…
84th Voicemail May 6th, 2015 6:22pm

Hey just thinking about you hoping you are doing okay. Just give me a call when you can, okay? Alright I love you bye.

82nd Voicemail – May 5th, 2015

On this day I had plenty of time to talk to her and spend time with her after work. We were back in love and everything was fine. Again.

82nd Voicemail 5-5-2015 12:24pm

Hey baby just thought I would touch base by phone like we said we would I hope you are doing okay. I haven’t heard from you in a while and I hope your day is fabulous. Okay, I will talk to you later. Love you bye.

81st Voicemail – May 4th, 2015

By this time we were still struggling a little but neither of us could stay mad for even a few hours. It was too much love to ignore. She would always talk her way back into my heart and then we would be fine. I drop things very easily. And I let it go. I loved her. I loved her so much nothing else mattered to me. Just her and her being happy in our relationship.

81st Voicemail 5-4-2015 11:27am

Hey just checking in on you seeing how you are doing. Give me a call when you have a minute okay? Hope you are having a good day, okay.

79th Voicemail, 80th Voicemail – May 3rd, 2015

I was struggling with all that she had revealed to me. So I pulled away from her. I didn’t know what to do. The guilt of the affair had always been something I struggled with but now with all I knew, I was stunned. So she started to get worried because I was not really talking to her at all. If I did it was short and sweet. I was being polite. That was it. At this point I was telling her we need to stop. She flipped out and said it wouldn’t be much longer at all and we could finally be together. She said filming would be wrapping up soon and she would be free.

79th Voicemail 5-3-2015 7:57am

Hey sorry I don’t know if you got the other message or not because I heard this weird beep and I don’t know if it erased whatever. I don’t even know what happened, I don’t know if you got it. I just want to tell you I love you I’m here I’m not going anywhere. I made a promise to you and I’m not leaving. I know you are struggling I’m very sorry about that. I wish there was something I could do to help you through it. I just need you that I am still working on my stuff and I hope you will be there at the end of my road because that’s what we said we would do. You said you would be here with me, you said you’d wait for me and I am just praying that that’s the case, so. I’m just trusting. I’m trusting you. And I’ll just keep trusting you and I hope you’ll do that for me too. Anyway, I love you very much and I hope I get to hear your voice again. Call me please baby.

80th Voicemail 5-3-2015 11:17am

Hey there just wanting to call and say hi I haven’t talked to you for a long time. Texted a lot but I haven’t talked to you and I like to hear your voice so anyway. Hope you are doing well hope you have had a good day and I hope to talk to you soon. Okay. I will talk to you later, love you bye.

74th Voicemail, 75th Voicemail, 76th Voicemail, 77th Voicemail, 78th Voicemail – May 2nd, 2015

I have a lot to say about this day. The day before we had a huge discussion. I went off on her. I was really upset about all of the times she kept manipulating me into believing she was going to leave soon. She kept telling me she would that she didn’t care about the show anymore. She cared about being happy and she was tired of being fake. She told me all of the years on the couch sessions she would jump in to clean up his mess. Meaning he would say something stupid and she felt she needed to try to explain it away so he wouldn’t look or sound stupid. She said this season during filming she had stopped doing that. In fact she told me she completely stopped talking because she was tired of all of it and him. She said all his focus is on how to keep the show. She said he doesn’t care about how the wives feel, doesn’t care if the kids don’t want to be apart of it. He said all he wants is have the money from the show because he knew the will be in serious trouble if the show money goes away. She said the family was not financially ready or able to keep the houses and keep their current lifestyle going without the show. She said Kody does anything the producers suggest and tries to make little things into drama to make it more interesting. She said Kody has always had a big ego when it comes to his self image and she said it had gotten much worse since the show started. She said he lives for all of the attention and that even the bad publicity was still getting attention for the show to keep it going.

Then she went off on me. She told me she was tired of living a lie. She wanted out years ago but didn’t know how to leave and didn’t know where to go. She said Kody had made her miserable by the way he treated her for years. She said she wrote down everything he had said or done that had hurt her feelings. She said on the front of it she wrote a note in case Mariah ever found it. She said it documented how Kody had really treated her over the years and that’s why she wanted to leave him. She said she wanted to wear the clothes she wanted and not be covered up all of the time because of the modesty rule in their religion. She said she was not supportive of her Church leadership because they had ruined what the entire concept was. She said they were greedy and driven by power over everyone. She said once she left him she would no longer be apart of that Church that they would kick her out anyway and she would find a new religion that fit her new life. She told me she was angry at me for all the times I expressed doubt and for never answering me “f***ing” phone when she was all she had going right in her life. She yelled at me for 10 minutes straight. Then I said something and she went off again. It lasted about a half hour.

When she was done she said do you have anything you need to say now? I said I just love you. And I kept saying I love you Meri. I love you over and over again. To let her know I had heard her and I was there for her. She started crying. She felt relieved finally letting all of it out. She had stored a lot of that up for 5 years. There is a lot more she told me about that I won’t reveal. Some horrible things but this is exactly why I call that guy a douchebag. He does not treat women very nicely. Only his daughters. The guy is not a good husband. Not from all of the stories she told me about him and she told me a lot.

She said she felt better. She was happy that I listened to her. She said she isn’t used to anyone staying and listening to her have a fit. She called it temper tantrums and that’s why she went mute years ago. She said no one listened anyway and he would just walk out the minute she criticized him. Even the small stuff. She said he is not someone that can take any kind of criticism at all. She said he acts like a baby that isn’t getting his way. She said he would either start yelling at her or he would storm out on her and slam the door. She said it has been years since they got a lot and she had just asked him to be civil with her. To not pick on her and say rude things, to leave her alone if he didn’t have anything nice to say. And finally this was the day she talked to him about moving out. She told him she didn’t want him there anymore. She said he only had a few outfits in the closet not a full closet full of anything because he spent so much time with Robyn.

She said on the days he was supposed to be with her for the full day he wouldn’t. He would show up at 10pm, they would watch a little tv then go to bed. She said then he would get up early and leave. She said they would go months sometimes without sleeping together. She told me the last time she had sex with him was early February of that year because that’s the only way to keep him happy with her. She said he doesn’t make love or even make sure she was satisfied he would finish, jump up and put his clothes back on then go to sleep or leave the room. She said there’s a difference between intimate and just being “f***ed” and that’s all he did with her now so she cut him off. She said he gauged how their relationship was by when the last time they had sex. If they had sex once a month he thought everything was fine but if had been a few months he would treat her like crap and be really mean until she slept with him to make him happy and stop treating her badly.

I told her that was abusive and she deserved better. Then I told her to leave. To pack up everything and go. She was crying and said she wants to so bad but she has a contract she has to finish otherwise the kids and the other wives would suffer. She said she was avoiding him. She was not seeing him or talking to him other than to tell him don’t come stay here.

I learned a lot about her marriage and how horrible it had been for her for years. I couldn’t believe anyone would put up with amount of crap. She said she loves the family. That’s the only reason she has stayed. She said she dealt with him and avoided him when she could. All he did was treat her like his personal assistant and if she didn’t get something done in his timeframe he would yell at her and get her upset. It was bad.

74th Voicemail 5-2-2015 8:12am

Good morning baby. I see your tweet and I’m just wanting to tell you please don’t give up. Okay? Keep your promise to me. Keep your promise to us. I’m not going anywhere. I’m making steps, okay? I’m here and I love you. And if you love me and if I love you then, then I think we will be fine even though it’s really hard I understand that. Okay? Just don’t give up on us okay baby? I love you very much. It was a crappy day yesterday. I know you are frustrated. I know you feel like I’m not doing anything but I am. I swear to you I am. Okay? Happy Anniversary today. 2 months. 2 months since we started talking since we started having that amazing connection. I believe it was there and I need you to believe it was there. 2 months is such a drop in the bucket in our life, okay? It really is. It’s just the beginning I know it’s crazy but it’s okay. We can do this we can get through this. Just don’t give up on me okay? I love you very much Sam Cooper, I really do.

75th Voicemail 5-2-2015 8:40am

Baby there’s no giving up allowed on my watch. Okay? I’m here and I swear I’m taking steps to you. You are what I want. You are what I need. You are what our life is. We knew that this was the case when we got into this. We both knew this. And I don’t want to ruin you or ruin me. Your business or my business. And I know that’s what we are taking care of with doing things the way that we are, okay? Things will work out just hang in there with me, okay? I love you very much. I know yesterday was a rough day. I’m here for you today, okay? I just need you to call me. I need you to make yourself available to me, okay? You were so sweet yesterday when we were talking in the afternoon when I had my little temper tantrum with you. Thank you for that. Nobody has ever done that and been there and told me how much they loved me after something like that, he’s (Kody) always pushing me away or walking away from me. But please don’t walk away from me Sam.

76th Voicemail 5-2-2015 12:22pm

Hey I just wanted to give you a call and tell you that I was thinking about you and I love you. So, I hope you are having a good day Sam. I will talk to you soon, okay? I love you Sam.

77th Voicemail 5-2-2015 5:43pm

Hey baby. That’s not a little bit of frustration I hear in your voice I hope. No she just called me and we started talking and catching up and it was really, it was a good conversation. It was good. Anyway, I don’t really often do that with anybody but you to have these long conversations. But it was kind of cool we are going to meet up. She lives in Utah so next time I go up there we are going to meet up for dinner or something like that and just catch up with her. Anyway, so sorry I missed you. Give me a call when you can because I will…

78th Voicemail 5-2-2015 7:11pm

Hey baby. Hey, a friend of mine just called me and wanted to know if I wanted to go over  and watch this movie at her house that we’ve been talking about wanting to watch but she needs to wait until after she puts her kids in bed. I don’t want to miss a phone call with you tonight. And I don’t know what time would be a good time for you. So I just wanted to chat with you about that. So she’s thinking about 9 o’clock is when I could go over which means I would probably be done 11 or 12 I don’t know for sure. I don’t know how long the movie was and whatever. Anyway, I just wanted to have a chance to talk with you tonight and I just didn’t know what your plans were so I just wanted to run that by you and see what we could work out. Anyway, I haven’t said yes for sure. I really want to be able to chat with you tonight. So anyway, give me a call or text me or something and…

73rd Voicemail – May 1st, 2015

I was back in town and able to spend time with her. You can always tell when I’m in town or when I have more time to spend with Meri. There are less texts and a lot less voicemails on those days.

73rd Voicemail 5-1-2015 11:36am

Good morning or afternoon as the case may be. Just thought I’d try touching base with you. Okay. Call me when you have time. Love you, bye.

72nd Voicemail – April 30th, 2015

We made it a habit to talk before she went into class and when she got out of class. Sometimes she would leave school and come right over to my house to hang out for an hour or two. Or we would meet up somewhere real quick. It depended on where I was and if I was in town.

72nd Voicemail 4-30-2015 8:20pm

Hey just wanted to let you know that I was out of class. Just give me a call when you can, whenever you want. Love you.