Church was so great this morning. I had so much fun listening to the message and I feel like I had a very good prayer afterwards. I got to see some folks I haven’t seen for a few weeks. We had been staying in Chicago and I have been out-of-town. This Church is smaller but more like a community. I like it. Sarah comes with me. We were both raised Catholic so she gets it. We are both expected to go to Church, preferably Sunday or Friday night. Then go to Confession on the last Saturday of every month.
Let me tell you the poor Father that has been hearing my last 9 month confessions must have his mind blown at this point Lol I mean my accent is so unique to this area it’s not hard to tell who’s in confession. Even though the politeness of confidentiality will always keep the weird looks off of me. I can’t even imagine what my religious leaders think of me. I know what some of them do because I routinely get called in on Wednesday nights to talk over what’s in the media or what other people email to them. The most asked question is why am I allowed in that Church when I had a public scandal/affair? I simply say I come here to be closer to God, not for gossip or to harm anyone. I’m here for me. That usually is a good enough answer for everyone. I’m trying to live a better life in Church, not without it. I want to come. I deal with all of the looks and whispers. I can handle it. But I’m there for me. I want to go. It’s a very deep need of mine. Without Church I do feel completely lost. As soon as I can I will be taking my boys to Church. It’s very important to me to set their spiritual foundation in place. I will make them go up until they are at an age they can sit me down and explain why they don’t want to go anymore. I know that age is around 12 or 13. Hopefully not sooner than that.
Sarah actually gets more looks showing up with me than I get being the local Church whore Lol She is African-American, she is beautiful and young. People automatically assume we are together. We aren’t. She is my nanny and my friend. On Sundays she is my friend and I introduce her as such. If someone asks how we met, I let her answer it however she sees fit. I stay quiet. And if someone sneaks me off to ask about her I bring them over and introduce her and offer to answer any questions they may have about us. Sarah is a very sweet, smart, loving woman. Until she finds a boyfriend or more friends that want to attend Church with her she’s stuck with me. The best part is the car ride home from Church. She always calls her mom and talks about what the Mass was about that day. And I hear her mom always ask did you go with Sam? Yes, mama Lol So funny. In Chicago we have been picking up her friend Kelly to go to Church with us. She is also in Sarah’s college and doing the online classes just like she is. They have bounded over trying to balance work and school. Trying to figure out what to do next for the courses and just life in general. Kelly seems like a great girl. I’m happy Sarah has been making friends. I want her to. I don’t want her stuck at home with me all of the time. I want to be at home. I have lived. I have partied, I have had my fun. And I will continue to have fun when I can. Right now my entire life and free time is all about my kids. I love it. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t even miss going out. I do miss some restaurants but I figured out I can call in my order and swing by after work to get it.
I am working on a few things for this blog today. There will be some changes. Lindsay is back home finally. She basically had most of May off of work dealing with the loss of her mom and handling all of the estate stuff. She has been working on a lot of things that I wanted on here. I am ready to add them. I am happy to see her doing better. She was in a real funk for several weeks. That’s just not who she is. She is always happy and smiling. She can be very quiet but lately she’s just been keeping busy. Silent. Not her usual loud, gregarious self. I think finally being home will help and she will find her new life without having to worry and take care of her mom anymore. I do know she is looking to sell her house soon. She wants something bigger. I get that but I hope she doesn’t go too crazy. I know she will always get what she want so I wish her and Ben the best in finding her Vegas dream house! They are still going through with the divorce. Ben lobbied one last shot at trying to save it and she said it’s either you divorce me or I go dig a hole in the desert and there’s that Lol So he said he would sign the papers and he did. She said it will be done in a few weeks and then everything will be perfect again. They will remain together, very strange to me. But like she said, she only got married to make her mom happy. Now she’s getting the divorce to make herself happy and if Ben is “stupid enough” to marry her he will be “smart enough” to divorce her Lol Her words. Ben just wants her. Forever. He really does love her. He says no 2 days are ever the same. Her spontaneity is what keeps it all fun and she is the most non-judgemental person he has ever met. She simply says k to everything he wants to do. She doesn’t crab at him or ask why. She accepts it and goes on. Except anytime he goes out-of-town without her. That she does pitch a huge fit. She thinks if they travel the “law” is you offer to take the other with them if they can go. She loves traveling and she wants to always go somewhere. If he has trips out-of-town for work she makes his life hell until he gets home Lol Doesn’t surprise me, she has been doing the same thing for me for years with work trips.
My boys are chunks. I love them so much. They really are getting to that fun age. For the longest time they just looked at me. Now they are moving their hands to touch my beard and face. They are always trying to grab my hair or ears. I play with them everyday and every night. I am taking care of them. There has been questions on why I have 3 nannies. Well I have 2 right now and I’ll explain it. Not that it’s anyone’s business. Sarah is my live in nanny because I have to work. I need someone to watch them when I’m working. I have 2 part-time nannies for the weekends so Sarah and I can take a break from getting up at night. Also so Sarah or I can go out and do the shopping or errands. Sometimes Sarah and I go together if it’s been a week or 2 that she has actually left the house. I have 3 nannies so I can work and I don’t get burned out raising twin babies. I have 3 nannies so Sarah doesn’t get burned out and quit on me. I understand the question of why have 3 when 2 would be enough but the answer is this. If I solely rely myself to 1 person being our backup and I solely rely on her schedule always being with us every single weekend I do believe she would have quit on me already. Every single weekend she would give up until she either quit or I let her go. So I got 2 of them to trade-off shifts so no one would leave me, no one would complain they have no time off on weekends and no one would leave Sarah and I without any help on the weekends. I hope that explains it. Most of the times during the days on Saturdays and Sundays I have my boys all by myself. The nannies are there, they are doing other things or just hanging out, but their role is to help me. Not raise my kids. I am raising my kids. I am doing everything I can for them all on my own. There are sometimes I just can’t do anymore that day. I run out of energy usually by Thursday. On Fridays I’m brain-dead and I still have to get through an 8 hour work day. It’s the exhaustion new parents feel. Do you remember those days? It’s hard isn’t it. Try doing that and working all day. I’m not complaining, this is the life I choose but it’s still hard. The night-time feedings are better now. Only because both of my boys are sleeping more at night.
That should answer that one to the best of my ability. I need to go make lunch and get packed up. I have a big Question post I’ve been working on a few days. It’s over 100 Questions long that we have taken out of the comments and emails. I will answer most of them. Some I did delete because they were just rude. I will post that later on.
Hope ya’ll have a great Sunday! I prayed for all of you this morning.