Meri: Because I hate it when she shuts down. And she hates it when I’m direct. So what do we do?
Meri just said she is direct. Remember that for later on in this one.
I had been talking to this guy, you know we were becoming friends and we were laughing and he was saying all the right things to make me trust him. Make me think that he was this real person that really cared.
Again she starts out I am a guy which is the truth. She keeps it at the friendship level again. Which is not true. We were in a relationship and having an affair.
Kody: Meri and I are very slowly trying to reconcile where we are at. Her relationship seems cordial and even amiable with the rest of the family. Her and I are kind of  trying to warm up a relationship that has gone kind of cold. We were kind of woke up by this whole catfish experience. It’s made us sort of have to take stock and go alright what do we do? Because we don’t know.
Meri: Kody and I are working on figuring things out. You know we are just kind of relearning how to communicate in a safer way with each other.
Safer way meaning Kody is not going to yell at her ever again? Or demoralize her by threatening her with God and what God will do to her if she doesn’t obey? He’s going to be safer in his words with her as in he’s no longer going to throw Robyn in her face anymore and tell her that Robyn hasn’t been around for years and she hasn’t experienced somethings with the family yet so that’s why they go places Robyn hasn’t been to before and he lets Robyn dictate plans and how to organize stuff now? I hope so but I know it will slip right back into how it’s always been for her. I’m glad she’s leaving him.
Kody: We consult with our marriage counselor, Nancy. And we have safe conversations with each other and we try to keep it simple and happy. We’re just trying to wade through a situation that is unknown to us.
Why aren’t they filming any of that? That’s what people want to see. Those 2 working on their relationship and having real talks. This is a reality show and they chose to put all of their stuff out there. Why are they only filming therapy with Janelle? Those two can work it out. Very odd the only storyline that has interest left on it and they won’t film it or show it. Kind of telling. It’s always the things that you don’t see on tv or they won’t say on tv that says the loudest stories with this family. I told that to Meri once and she got really pissed off at first. Then a few hours later she said she didn’t realize people were picking up on that. I said your fans are not stupid Lol
Robyn: I know that Meri and Kody have had a rough time the last few years and I just constantly pray that the two of them will just figure some stuff out. There relationship being strong is the best thing for the whole family. And we want them to be happy.
It has been years. Their marriage was bad way before I came around.
Janelle: I agree I think we all feel pretty supportive. The repercussions of a relationship completely falling apart in our world would be, I think it would be more devastation than I think we could understand.
And that’s why she stayed. She had signed a contract with the show. If she removed herself from them the show might be cancelled and all of their money goes away. She said they have saved some back but have not been able to find supplemental income and knows when the show goes they will not be able to afford the houses and all the bills as well as help the kids with college and weddings. She said they know the show is coming to an end soon but they are doing all they can to make sure it stays interesting.
I believe I helped out with that one Lol Before I came around there were no tabloids writing stories about them at all. Since I’ve been around they have been on 12 covers and had over 250 stories printed or blogged online about them.
On my side, myself and Lindsay has never sold a story to any tabloid at all. I have done an interview with NBC months ago and I have done a Fox News interview. I also took part in some discovery interviews with Discovery Channel. As well as the Lifetime Movie production people. Both televised and now found on their news websites as well as Youtube. Lindsay won’t talk to reporters. She talked to Jessica Finn one time at InTouch Weekly on Twitter DM and she told her she hates “f-word” reporters and only gave the information Kendra had and Lindsay confirmed it was true. I have been contacted by reporters weekly and don’t talk to them. I have this blog and I prefer to control what I say here. That way I can say all I want to say without it getting edited down to 2 lines out of context. Tabloids make shit up. They have made up a lot of lies about the Brown family, about Meri, and a lot about me. When you buy those magazines you support the lies. It’s not all true or factual and it’s completely takes things out of context. That’s why I don’t talk to reporters.
Meri: It’s important to me right now that they know there’s still 23 trees, there’s still 23 of us. Nobody is going anywhere.
Meri is leaving.
Kody: Meri does this a lot where she sort of asks us to come over and we don’t know what it’s about. She called me and Robyn over once and said hey I want to get a divorce. When we were in Alaska we were having dinner and she’s like Listen I need to get out. So she’s calling us over to the house. I don’t know what to expect.
Meri: So in light of I guess all of your encouragement for me to figure out my place and who I am and what I want to do and what I want to be.
Christine: That one looks very much like where their relationship is I feel like. There are parts of the painting that are hard and they’re dark and when I look at the painting I think she is so brave to put on canvas how she really feels like their relationship is.
Christine nailed that. They path is divided. She put her, Kody, and Mariah on one side and the rest of the family on the other side. Paintings can be interpreted however your perception level is at. But I think any psychologist will take one look at that painting and ask her how long has she felt shoved to the side and away from her family. It’s obvious to me at least.
Meri: With all the drama of the past little while of me trying to figure out who I am I just want you to know that I’m still here and there’s still 23 of us and I’m not going anywhere.
Robyn: It was big to me because I did sit there and wonder and worry that Meri was going to leave us.
I believe that. I’m sure Robyn was freaking out because Robyn has been put in the place where Meri used to be by Kody. A lot is on Robyn’s shoulders and without Meri there to organize, handle, and get things actually done, Robyn is completely screwed. Especially when it comes to Robyn’s jewelry business. Meri has all of the stuff at her house in her office. She does the orders and sends them out. She even writes a little note to each person. And she also handles all of the letters they get for fan mail. Meri is the one that reads those. She showed me a mail container half full with fan mail from all over the world.

She is committing and saying hey I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.
Kody: I’m still in the process of shifting from anxiety to appreciation. I’m in the middle of that. Right here right now. Give me a day or two for it to really sink in.
He has no emotional attachment to anything. He can’t give her a hug and say these are beautiful thank you so much I love them? He is a blank slate. It’s bizarre.
Meri: I wanted to try to reach Mariah through these paintings. She and I have struggled especially this past year. And I think I’ve let her down. I went through a dark place and I didn’t know what I wanted and I didn’t know where my head was and I didn’t even know who I was. And I’m trying to figure that out. Still. But I know what I want. And I know I want to be here. No matter if things are hard and crazy and we have issues and we have to work really hard on relationships sometimes. I want her to know that I want to be in this family.
I believe this is the only reason she painted these. She wanted Mariah to see her do something for the family to symbolize she is staying. Mariah could care less she was texting the whole time and holding the baby. Mariah is not ready. So this fell on deaf ears. It also shows Meri trying to manipulate Mariah’s emotions. Something Mariah said she’s good at.
Meri: (In 2010) I don’t even know that I want to stay sometimes. The only thing that even wants me to stay is my committment level and my daughter.
Meri said this in 2010. Which lines up with everything she told me about her marriage since Robyn came into the picture. She told me that everyone thinks and feels that Robyn is the favorite. When I asked her why she said they have an easier relationship. I said there’s more to it. Then I found out Robyn takes selfies of her in lingerie and sends them to Kody. Or she shows them to him when he’s come over. I told Meri she uses her body to control him. She uses sex to get her way and to get him to treat her better. Meri didn’t think so but I told her I believe that’s who Robyn really is at the core. She is very sweet and kind. She has been a great friend to Meri but she manipulates Kody and he’s too stupid to realize it. I think now after seeing the 2nd pregnancy together she is starting to realize Kody is not that great anymore. She is seeing how bad he has hurt Meri and she’s starting to realize that’s going to be her someday. Especially when he takes in the new wife once Meri leaves. Kody is only happy with the women when they are popping out his kids.
The interesting thing is he doesn’t really do much of the kid raising. He pitches in but none of those kids has ever had their father around every single day. I have gone a week without my kids and I was miserable. I need them everyday. I love them way too much to go sit next door at someone’s house and not be with them all. I couldn’t do that. I don’t understand why anyone would choose that lifestyle and have that many kids without all living in one house. It hurts the kids emotional growth and it hurts the other wives who now take on the entire role of raising so many kids by themselves. It’s unfair, not healthy, and it’s just bizarre. Kody’s reasoning is he believes this allows HIM a closer spot in Heaven to God Lol It doesn’t allow his wives in kids on that same level. He believes it’s a higher celestial level than you or I. He believes that if he has at least 3 wives with multiple kids that God is going to glorify him in the afterlife. He also believes that someone from another planet came down to Earth and told his ancestors that polygamy is directly from God and should be practiced Lol So there’s that. I wonder what planet that was? I asked the AUB people the one time I went into their Church for service and they told me to get out Lol We were having a great conversation until I asked that question. I just wanted to know so I could Google that planet and see what other doctrines have been churned out, sent on a spaceship and landed directly at the feet of a polygamist cult leader. Funny how that is the story that’s in the documents I have read about polygamy. It also says women shall be destroyed if they do not allow their husbands to have another wife. That’s an actual verbatim quote in the books that Kody and the AUB practice from. Destroyed. I asked Meri about that, she asked to see it which I found ironic. I sent it to her and she got really upset. She said the current AUB leadership was way off from her own personal beliefs and that she has struggled to continue to believe with all of her Faith in that Church. I said so when he takes in the 5th wife you will be destroyed if you don’t allow it? And she said I guess so and we both laughed.
I know that even in some of my darkest times you know when I’ve thought about, because Kody has always said, we have always said that none of us have to be here. We are not stuck here. If we want to leave and in some of my dark times when I’ve been like this is just frustrating and I’m not happy and I don’t want to be here. When I really think about it, well I don’t want to be anywhere else either, I wouldn’t ever want to be away from all of you guys. I wouldn’t want to be away from the kids. I just wouldn’t want to do that.
For the second time in 5 years she admits she wanted to leave. She is leaving.
Meri: Kody and I and I think he would agree to this that we set each other off with really silly little things.
This is what it was all about. It’s all about the kids. Nothing was about me and a legal marriage or legal divorce it’s about the kids and that’s what my focus has always been on.
When you put all of your time and life into kids you will feel really empty when they no longer need you as much as they did. That’s where she’s at. The kids live in different houses. She isn’t as involved as she was before and she has a lot of free time now. She doesn’t know what to do with herself.
Meri: There is no way that I would put myself in the line of fire with Kody.
Because he is abusive. He yells at her. She’s scared of him when he’s angry. Proving again that he does threaten her.
Kody: That’s really smart Meri.
And he agrees with her. He controls her with his anger and how he yells at her.
Meri: I know that he would handle that much better with Christine so I’m like yeah, Christine said.
She lies to get out of stuff or lies to make sure Kody does not get mad at her. What she doesn’t realize is she is lying and not saying what she wants and needs. She’s covering her truth up with lies in order to keep Kody happy. That’s not a marriage. That’s giving your power and life away to someone that doesn’t respect or value you. At all.
Kody: That was smart.
What a douchebag. This is why he has 4 unhappy marriages.
I’ve always said on a philosophical level if you are close plural family you should never experience lonliness.
Yet many of them do. Robyn admits she’s lonely for female companionship. Meri was lonely for all kinds of reasons. That’s why she continued to talk to me so much. Also why our affair lasted 6 months. Kody lives in his own little world. He really isn’t aware of what goes on in any house. He gets the highlites of the day not the hard work of how to raise kids. How many times have we see him sit on his ass at someone’s house and not playing or interacting with kids? How much homework do these kids need help with? How many school projects must they have going on? How about sports and other activities? I have twins and I have no time to watch tv, no time to read a book or magazine. I am constantly busy with my kids. They get all of my free time, they get all that I have. What does he really offer them? He’s there. But he’s doing what he wants to do. He takes them out for fun stuff. Not sit them down and talk to them about what’s really going on in their lives. Now there are 2 daughters in serious relationships and neither one of them told their parents until it was time to talk about engagements. Why is that? I thought they were really close?
Kody: Meri and I are still struggling. In the past we had just gotten so bad that it just got, it wasn’t pretty. We’ve had the wake up call. And so each step I take in this relationship with Meri is at this point very calculated, very careful so we don’t go back to these places we’ve been before.
I think because we are somewhat cool, distant from each other it will take time to warm to where it’s flowing and it’s natural. It’s just not comfortable right now.
It’s not going to get back to what it used to be. Meri is in love with me.
Meri: I felt like Kody was a little bit nervous, he was not very relaxed in talking to me. I mean it  could just be the relationship we have right now. It could be the situation of where we are.
Kody: Meri and I were really struggling last year. We really had a major struggle. But during that struggle as she was doing kind of this hobby with painting I kept saying to her you really need to personalize this you need to do this. You need to pursue this. This will bless you. I’m hoping that this is symbolic that this is her finding her passion and that she moves forward with this passion and find some real joy in it for herself and for the fact that she can share it with others.
Caused by Kody not paying attention to her, showing her the love she has both earned and deserves and because she fell in love with me.
Meri: I wanted to do these paintings just kind of as a visual reminder to be like look that’s representative of our family of our whole family. And even though we have a lot of stuff to work through. We’re here. I’m here. We’re going to figure it out. You know it might take a lot of time and the only way to work through it is if you are here.
She’s leaving.
Kody: I’d like to find in our relationship the same kind of optimism that I have in most of my life. And sadly right now we haven’t found that I don’t think. And so it’s a process that to be fair to our history and to each other we need to allow time to pass to let some of this antigonism and pain and experience we’ve had with each other sort of wash away. And so we can move forward and find a warm place, am amiable place of kindness with each other. So it’s a process and it’s slow. It seems like we’re just being courteous to each other. And you know what. I’ll take that. That’s where we’re going to start.
They don’t even have optimism. Because Kody knows she cheated, Meri refuses to admit it and she is still in love with me. I’m glad she’s leaving.
Meri: Since we’ve been here in Hawaii Mariah seems to be a little bit standoffish with me.
Kody: Yeah nobody asked my permission about this, everybody piss off.
Lol What a douchebag.
Janelle: I think his choice of words are hilarious because I don’t think I’ve ever heard him say that word before. That’s a new phrase for him.
Christine: That is not a new phrase for him.
See. He is a douchebag. He doesn’t show respect to women.
Janelle: It isn’t? Does he say that to you?
Christine: Yes. But I say that and more back at him.
Robyn: Kody is our leader but he’s not a dictator.
He is a dictator Lol It’s a patriarchal family unit. He controls his family. What he didn’t realize is when his kids grew up they would no longer listen to him or do what he wants or says. That much is very clear. He is in charge. He gets final say on all decisions. And the wives have to just deal with it. Because remember, they all agreed to it. They are all consenting adults. Tied to a contract and tied to the money being taken away if they don’t do what he wants and says.
Kody: Our family culture isn’t about plural marriage. Our family culture is about diversity in a family that is close, bonded, and watching out for each other.
That’s funny because that’s why you got a tv show. Diversity or divisiveness? Because it doesn’t seem like any of the wives are happy, it doesn’t seem any of the kids feel important unless the parents support their choices and it doesn’t seem very many are close, bonded or even watched over. Wasn’t Truly in the hospital because no one gave her something to drink?

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