Birth parents and booze

Friday night after work I flew my family to Lincoln, Nebraska. We got in a little later than I wanted to (Thanks to my wife) but it worked out. We got the boys fed, Uncle Drew went and grabbed us all dinner because everyone was hungry (And cranky) then we hung out a little while before I got the boys to bed. Uncle Drew and my wife don’t really get along. They are civil but if either one starts talking about work or any of the cases they are working on all heck breaks loose and the next thing I know it turns into some weird kind of pissing match. Not impressed. We all stayed up late talking and finally went to bed around 1:30am.

Saturday morning Lol Oh geez, guys. Where do I even begin. So Saturday morning we got up at 7, Drew’s wife made us a huge breakfast and we got ready to go. We went to meet the birth parents. Just a reminder. My little cousin went to a party, got really drunk, and had a one night stand with some guy she didn’t know. They didn’t use protection and that story is 2 very different versions because she “claims” she was on a pill and he “claims” they used protection but then why do I have Heston and Alex Lol The version she told me seems more factual than his version and I really didn’t ever want to hear the how of this situation but had to listen to it from my cousin, not her daughter who was actually there. Either way we all met somewhere public because I did not want to deal with my extended family running their mouths or Drew and his wife butting in. We got over to the neutral meeting ground place and waited. My cousin, her husband, and daughter showed up on time. They were all very happy to see the boys. They boys love people in general so they were laughing and walked over to them. They are getting along just fine. Still wobbly at times but for the most part they motorize themselves everywhere. Heston has decided the only way he can walk is with both arms up Lol I don’t know where that came from but that’s what he does. Alex pretty much goes nonstop. In every direction all at once. And I hate to admit sometimes when one of them takes off I can’t tell who it is from behind and I call out the wrong name. It’s actually not funny in the moment but I do need to work on that better. Sarah knows who is who a lot better than I do which is sad. I’m trying to figure out how to tell them apart and may end up doing slightly different haircuts Lol I don’t know what else to do. We had them in matching outfits on Saturday because that seems to be the thing to do around family. They all want to see the twins, #twinning Lol Oh come on guys, that one was funny!

The birth dad and his parents showed up a half hour late. Not a big deal. The birth dad walked up and shook my hand. Said it was nice to meet me and said he was a little nervous. I picked up Heston and introduced him to his birth father. They both look like him. They have my little cousin’s mouth and face shape but they have his blue eyes, his nose, his body shape. He is a tall, thin kid. I guess muscular. Blonde hair, blue eyes. He said he is 6’1″ because I asked. He said he weighs 175 which is why he’s so thin. His parents Lol Well his dad chugged what was left of his beer before he got out of their truck. He said hello but didn’t shake my hand. His mom said hello and just kept staring at the boys. His dad smelled drunk, looked drunk and obviously was drunk which immediately put me on guard. They all went to wash their hands so they could touch my children. That’s not being shitty (Maybe a little) but we all wash our hands before we touch them. It’s just better for the boys. No one protested at all because they all went in a group.

Seeing my little cousin walk next to her one night stand was very interesting. In fact he was more interested in talking to her than actually playing with the boys. Heston kept looking at him like he was looking into a mirror in 23 years from now. He was fascinated. After a few dance moves and some laughing everyone relaxed and my boys began going back and forth from both groups. We all sat on a big table and everyone got plenty of hugs and greetings from both boys.

After about 15 minutes I said let’s do pictures first because I really want to fill out some more information from the grandparents. They all knew I wanted to do this. I have information from both of the birth parents. They did help me with that. But I want to know more extensively about family health issues. Grandparents, great grandparents. I also wanted to know about his family tree. How many aunts, uncles, cousins. Are they all tall and thin too? I am very curious about this young man.

Pictures actually went fine except a small argument between the birth dad and his father. I have no idea what got said but he spun around right in the middle of a photo and next thing I know he’s chest to chest. The mom said something about Not here and then I think they both separated a little. Not cool, guys. Not cool at all. I stood up at that point because I told everyone if it gets uncomfortable I’m taking my boys immediately.

I now have photos of my boys with both of their birth parents, together. They held one each. That is a photo I am going to treasure. I needed to see that. I think they also needed it too. I did a one hour photo thing and got a bunch of copies. I have to mail those out today sometime. Then it was time for photos of me with the birth parents and the boys. Then my wife joined us. Than Sarah wanted photos with them. Then came the birth grandparents Lol

The birth dad’s father is a jackass. That’s being nice. He wouldn’t hold Heston. He said he didn’t want to which is completely fine. And with him being drunk I did not want him holding him either but his wife kept trying to shove Heston into his arms. Finally he just stood there with a pissy look on his face. I didn’t expect them to smile all happy in the photos. I just wanted photos for the boys. Yes being selfish I also wanted to see what my boys will look like as they grow up. The birth father’s mom brought his baby photos. My oh my do my boys look like him. It’s amazing how much. I was kind of hoping that he would have dimples like I do but he doesn’t. He smiles a big smile though just like me so that’s the second thing he had in common. I kept studying his features. He has broad shoulders. He stands with his hands stuffed in his jeans. Some of his motions with his head the way he leans it a little, they both do that. I have no idea how that happens but I’m telling you birth children genetically do things without being taught. You can not teach them some things they do automatically. The birth dad’s father decided he was done and went and sat in the truck. He needed more beer and a couple of cigarettes. His wife was so embarrassed but that wasn’t her fault. She said it’s been hard because he didn’t want his son to sign over the boys. Now that he sees the boys are very happy and healthy I think it will sink it, it’s all okay. She got emotional and said she knows this was the right choice for her son but it’s still hard sometimes. She was a sweet woman. I think she has been in a rough marriage. She seemed, I guess shaken at every little thing.

Pictures were done. They took about 45 minutes or so. Then we just sat down and relaxed. My little cousin took turns holding them. The birth dad took turns also and finally started to enjoy himself. He got them both laughing and you could clearly see their eyes light up like his did. I started asking questions about the family tree and health history. They both answered the best they could. I wrote a bunch of things down. I asked them if they wanted to know anything about our life. They asked a lot of questions about the boys. They wanted to know what school, what activities we do, what they eat, who started walking first. Those type of things. I have a mountain of photos and I showed them videos of almost everything they asked me about. Everyone was having a good time and laughing.

Then birth dad’s father showed back up. Even more upset than before. He started raising his voice at his wife. I took him aside and told him we all just wanted to meet him. He said he didn’t want this. I said I know but we have an open adoption. You are apart of their lives now. That’s when he started to calm down. I told him this did not have to be the one and only time we saw each other. We can do this annually. We can do it more often. We can make other plans. I told him I would fly his family to Chicago to come see us. He said he could pay for it if they wanted to go. I told him I didn’t think his son would want to continue to see them. But maybe now he changed his mind. I think he was scared. He said he wasn’t scared. He just didn’t want the boys to grow up and never know who he was. I just laughed and said they photos from today will be in their room. I will continue to tell them they are adopted and when they are old enough I will tell them the whole edited story. The clean version Lol

I think it finally got through to him that we didn’t steal his grandsons. I told him my parents are dead. I don’t have grandparents for them. If he wanted to be a grandpa he could but he had to get his shit together. He glared at me and I let him know my boys won’t be around someone who drinks in a parking lot because he can’t cope with a tough situation. He didn’t like that. I said what you do at your home with your life isn’t my business. What you do around my children is and he needed to show up for them. He said but I’m here. I said no you really aren’t. You aren’t interacting with your grandsons and they really want you to.

So we walked over. I picked up Alex and then Alex decided to let out his famous NO cry and had a total meltdown. I told him this is normal. We just switch them out Lol I picked up Heston who is my chill baby boy and he held him. Heston was fascinated with his face. He kept grabbing him by the cheeks. It was like seeing a guy melt. It was awesome. He sort of tickled Heston a little which made them both laugh. Then I said Heston this is your Grandpa (Insert his name). I asked do you want to be called Grandpa or Papa or what do you want? He said he would like Papa. I said there you go. Then I picked up Alex and told him this is your Papa. He had already stopped crying things to a quick snack and my wife picking him up. Alex wanted to his Papa to hold him so I told him to sit down so I could hand him over. It’s much easier to sit with twins than it is to stand. They start wiggling around. He sat down and there he had both boys on his lap. He was smiling and talking to them. He told them maybe someday Papa would take them fishing. I said they would love that. They he started looking at their hands. He said they are really small. I said give it a few years and their hands will be as big as his own son. The birth dad started laughing then put his hand up against Heston’s hand. Heston thought it was high-five so he smacked it which made everyone laugh Lol It was really funny.

We meant to stay for 2 hours but it was more like 2 and a half. The birth dad’s mom got to feed Heston and my cousin got to feed Alex. Just some snacks and their water.

It turned out okay. I hope this helps everyone with whatever concerns or worries they may have. We all hugged before we took off so I think that’s a good sign. I wasn’t really happy about the birth dad’s father showing up mad and drunk. I told the birth dad he needed to talk to him about that. Because that won’t be allowed next time. He asked, next time? I said we have an open adoption. You have always been invited into our lives. That door will always be open to you and your family. He said he wanted to take some time to process today but maybe sometime later this year we could get together again. I told him if he wanted alone time with us without his folks I would fly him out. I gave him my business card which has all of my contact info on it and said call anytime. He said he would, thanks. He thanked me and wrote down his new address to get copies of the photos.

It turned out okay. A few hiccups but my boys are so young they won’t remember any of it. My little cousin always loves being around the boys. It’s very hard for her to say bye to them. I always try to reassure her we will see her again. My wife had a lot of opinions on everything but I listened and respectfully disagreed. She thinks as a mom and doesn’t realize all the stuff I have been through to get to this moment. She wasn’t with me through all of that. I must have patience with them. I can’t dictate how our open adoption works with limitations. I can only protect the boys and I did let them know no more drinking. I stood up to him and took him aside so we could talk privately. She thought I should have taken the boys and left. What good would that have done? That may have made them never come around again. They needed to see that we are happy, they need to know they are wanted and I really want them to see the boys grow up. Now they have a Papa and another grandma. How cool is that? She still thinks I’m wrong. Not the first time that’s happened.

We got back to Uncle Drew’s and told him all about it. He had picked up pizza for everyone. Then it was time for my wife and I to get on my plane and fly to Las Vegas! That story is coming up next. It’s a good one.

About Samuel

Single dad of 4 beautiful kids, Heston & Alex my twin boys, and my daughters Peace and Sky. Dad of 2 angel babies in Heaven, Ryan and Talon. Divorced. Semi-retired app developer, business partner, Commercial Real estate investor, Chicago Bears & Chicago Cubs fan, vegan, lifelong Catholic, voting independent party member, guitar playing singer who owns a dog, and 2 cats. We live in beautiful Denver, Colorado. I started my first blog Janaury 1st, 2012. Official owner of and @NotBatmanYet Twitter account.
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