I’m leaving the Springs in the morning. I’ve had a good time here off and on. I was able to go home for a little while because I had to. I’m not ready to post about any of that but I can say I’m recovering….okay. I’m here. That’s the best answer I can share.
My pending divorce is taking a lot longer than I want. My soon to be ex and I barely communicate and she has gotten herself into some trouble. I’m trying to be kind even though I don’t understand her at all right now. I feel like I married a complete stranger and she has turned into something more vicious than I was aware of. My kids are adjusting the best they can but they still ask about her. Not as often. She has only seen them twice. That’s her choice. And at this point I want her to stay away from them. We are getting all paperwork in order to ensure I am the only legal, custodial, you can’t have them at all parent after all of this is over with. She has signed off on them. That breaks me apart. I also realize the giant headaches it is going to relieve me from in the coming years and lucky my boys are small enough they may not even remember any of this. I can hope at least.
My new plan is to focus on my new app, work hard on getting that launched the middle of next year, and hanging out with my kids. It’s time I start planning our summer. I had all kinds of things happening and it’s about dang time I get home and just be a dad for a while.
I feel kind of broken inside. Maybe a little lost. I’m healing but just not the way I wanted to. Life is what happens when you tell God your plans. He says no son, here you go Lol
Mike and I went out last night with 2 of his female neighbors. We went to see the new Jurassic World movie. It was pretty predictable but I liked it. I’ve seen them all now. It’s way too scary for my kids but for me it was good. I don’t really go see movies that often. I can’t sit still through them. Most movies or tv don’t hold my attention. Maybe it’s the million things I have to get done or I can’t seem to reward myself with 10 minutes of relaxation without doing 3 other things all at once. I’m trying to figure out a much better balance. All I know is staying up all night wasn’t doing it. Sleeping all day because of the intense depression wasn’t doing it either. I’m coming back to life. Slowly. The hurt doesn’t hurt quite as much anymore. I think a fun night out with that group helped a lot. Mike had a lot of fun and I think he’s finally made some new friends. They are much older than he is but that’s okay. I think living in the same building they can watch out for him.
My Cubs have been playing well. 42-34 so far this year. I can’t wait to hit a game or 12 when I get home. It’s about that time to load up the family and go to Wrigley. My other plans include going into the city 2 days a week to work on my app. I can do it from our headquarters. I think that might keep me focused. And I’m going to redo my entire bedroom when I get home. My nannies said they will help me out. Lindsay is back in Las Vegas and loving it. Sarah comes only on the weekends to help out. I think things are okay. I think we are all going to survive this.
Divorce sucks. It sucks even more with kids involved. I don’t know how to explain anything to them. I feel like a total failure but I also know that’s my own personal pity party that I need to snap out of.
I just read through a lot of great messages. Thanks guys. I miss you all too. I will be updating a ton of photos from Colorado Springs plus photos of my kids. Check out our Family Facebook page later this afternoon. I have maybe 120 photos to add. And 6 videos from Colorado Springs. Mike has been showing me all of the cool places. We did do a Facebook Live last night of the review of Jurassic World. The 2 ladies helped us out. That’s already on there in case you haven’t seen it.
I’m going to miss the mountains but I don’t belong here. I healed, I hurt, I healed some more. I’m ready to go home.
I pray you all are having a great summer. I look forward to getting home and blogging more. I have a lot more to say but not yet.