This week has been pretty tough. We are all feeling tired, emotionally spent, and not really sure what’s next.
I have a house for everyone to move into on Wednesday. We are having a cleaning crew go over this weekend to completely get it ready for Alex. He has to have a clean home to come to. He gets out hopefully on Thursday. I’m going to drive him with one of my nannies right down to Colorado Springs and into the new house. I hope he understands all of this hospital stuff is almost done and he is going home soon. I tell him all of the time soon. He doesn’t get it.
The girls are in a dash to shop, shop, shop for all of the furniture we need. They are buying things in sets to make it easier. I told them I don’t care, just get the house set up. I may soon regret that. I may walk into Pink princess décor with shiny gold everything else. My Airbnb rental I have them in now isn’t that far from the new house.
Keep in mind all of this is just temporary because I can’t move Alex back to Chicago for 2 months. I can’t fly with him. He can’t handle that long of a drive. It’s been a very upsetting decision making time for me. So we will be in Colorado Springs until the end of September at least. Hopefully then we can get him back up to Denver to the doctors to make sure he can fly home. Or we are just going to stay in Colorado Springs longer. I don’t know yet.
I was forced to say goodbye to a very special person in my life yesterday. It was incredibly hard but the entire situation had gotten so toxic and I just didn’t want to deal with all of the bullshit anymore. I wished the person well, prayed for all of it to be good, and left it where I found it, nowhere. I’m happy that the stress is gone but I miss everything else. I don’t need any more right now. I’m maxed out on everything. Friends come and go and maybe someday that friendship will find its way back. If not, I already said I’m moving on. I have to. Life is way too short to deal with certain things. I woke up this morning knowing I made the right decision and for now, I’m glad. I can deal with small things. The bigger things are too much. I’m focusing on my son, my kids, myself.
In better news the divorce of the century is finally wrapping up. It’s not an annulment because the State of Illinois doesn’t do annulments anymore. It’s called something else. I’m going to be officially single soon! It’s actually horrible to get a divorce. Now I know why I never wanted one before. It sucks. She has no parental rights to any of the kids. She has no visitation. She won’t be in their lives. The way things have been going, her family won’t be in either. They are making things pretty difficult. I was being nice by allowing the kids to go visit from time to time, with 2 nannies. That was what I felt comfortable with. Now it’s so complicated. I must have my kids in a place where everyone just wants the best for them. I don’t need my nannies coming home telling me they constantly ask the boys if they miss mommy. Of course they miss her. They still ask about her from time to time. It’s not as frequent anymore. I told them to stop. Let the boys talk about her when they want to. Don’t keep jabbing the open wounds, it’s not fair to them. When I am divorced I’m going to have a huge party. Okay, no I won’t. But I will feel like having a giant party. I just want to be away from her as soon as possible. I made a huge mistake marrying her and we both know it’s time to move on.
Giving up, it really has it’s purpose. Sometimes it is for the best reasons. I never wanted to give up on my marriage. I never, ever wanted to be divorced, until….My kids are a package deal. Same with my dog and this cat that I am stuck with. I’m giving all of them the best life possible. And I have zero intention of giving any of them up. Even the crazy cat. We love our little family and hopefully next year I will be adopting another little girl. I want Peace to have a sister. I think that would be awesome.
Alex is doing great. We have a ton of family and friends in town this weekend. That is helping me get on the phone and start making arrangements for the move. I need all of our clothing shipped out here. I also need some things for the kids and pets. Anything the adults need I told them just go buy it. I do not want to see my credit card bill next month I’m sure. I told them please don’t go nuts. I think they went nuts Lol
God help us all! Love ya’ll. Hope you are having a great weekend.