Soul to Life – The Beginning

Close your eyes

I was born in a breath and I will die in a breath. In between, I must live fully. For years I’ve been going about my day. Nothing has really brought me into an awareness that I needed more in my life. Until now. I have been writing this book in my head for about 20 years. I have always been a seeker of things. I love life, but I have become stagnant to it. I feel like I’m no longer growing as I did when I was in school. I’m not challenging myself, I’m not being challenged. I am just…here. If you are reading this you have some common thoughts.

Let me be honest. I do not have the answers to your life. I only have the answers to mine, whether I recognize them or not. My goal is to provide you with the words I need to share in hopes that one thing I say may inspire you to shift all of your energy, love, and perception to a higher level. I want to wake you up just as I want to be awoken. What I am offering to you I am also offering myself. You and I, my new friend, are in this together now. As long as you are reading this I have your attention. I promise you I am going to make the most of our time together. When this book ends you will feel better. Your problems won’t go away, your broken heart won’t heal and your bills won’t be paid. I promise you will understand yourself more. You will begin to question yourself more. This is not going to change your whole life. It’s going to change mine. I am your guide into my journey. Together we will see where this takes us. Your thoughts will formulate on the things I say to you here. From that, your inspiration will begin to cook and bake. You will end up with something so delicious even your soul will feel it. I promise.

So close your eyes for a few seconds and prepare yourself for this. Give yourself a moment of silence and get ready. This is going to be fun, emotional, compelling, and necessary. You have to finish this book now that we have begun. Not to satisfy a curiosity. For yourself. This is the one thing you may have done all for yourself in a while. Give yourself permission to breath. Then relax.


You know nothing

You don’t know anything at all about your life. You may know the basics but there is so much more you have yet to learn about yourself. Just as I don’t know anything about my life either. So we are in this together. I know that I am male. I know my years are 43 and counting. I know I am a human being and I know what color my hair and eyes are. I know my height and weight. I know I can walk, lift up things, speak, think, and feel. These are all I know about myself. I am constantly changing. Are you? Yesterday I described the sky as big. Today I describe it as blue. Am I wrong?

Which is right? If both are right, how am I ever wrong? We tell ourselves descriptive terminology when it comes to how we define ourselves. We are completely wrong. Your soul has not lived this long for you to fail it so deeply. We all should be ashamed of ourselves to ever try to categorize who we are by adjectives. I am tall, yes. I am male, yes. I am a commercial real estate investor. What? Now we are starting to define ourselves by our careers? How bold am I to think that is all I am.

You do not belong on a list of things. You belong to a natural state of being. You are undefinable. I am undefinable.

Try to understand

There are no steps to follow on your journey. I can not tell you how to live. I can not tell you if you follow my 4 basic steps to enlightenment you will finally understand everything! That’s not going to happen. What I can tell you and with all of my heart, it’s going to be okay without instructions. Let me further crush all the things you know and say you don’t need instructions. You have always lived your life as it is. You can and will continue to make the rules up for yourself as you go. You know what it best. You know what brings love and what manifests fear for you. I am going to tell you the most ridiculous thing you will ever hear about my life. In all sincerity I do find it hilarious now. Now I do. Back in the olden days I did not find it funny whatsoever. I am going to open myself up and become vulnerable to make my point. Again, I am guiding you to where I need you to go on the next path of this journey we are on. We are going to talk about chickens for a moment. Yes, chickens!

I’m deathly afraid of chickens. I wish it was a joke but it’s not. Chickens make me hyperventilate. If they come near me I run. If they make chicken sounds, I run. If I even see a chicken. I run. It is a real fear inside of me. Logically I am aware I’m 10x bigger than a chicken. Logically I am aware that the chicken is not going to attack me. It doesn’t matter. Chickens are death ninjas to me and they will flap me in the face, peck out my eyes, and scratch my skin so deep I will be permanently scarred with chicken talons. Do we see how irrational that is? Yet, I’m still afraid of them.

I understand it is a real fear to me. Are you afraid of chickens? Probably not. That’s why I have no answers for you. I stay away from chicken places simply because I do not want to die or embarrass myself by running away, well like a chicken. For me, my fear is rooted in childhood. I know that. But why am I still afraid after all of these years? That’s what I call remembrance pain. As soon as your memory is triggered on something your body, mind, and heart react. Remembrance pain is real. It puts you right back into a sensory moment of fear or other emotion. It is an attachment that you must learn to cope with or break free from. On sight, I see a chicken and I freeze. Then I run. My mind remembers that traumatic chicken attack of ’79 and my mind says Danger! Danger! My heart begins to speed up and I look to evade and escape. Completely irrational, completely silly. I know. It still doesn’t matter. I tried going to hypnotherapy once to remove the death ninja chicken scenario from my sub-conscious. What happened is I paid $150 to lay on a couch and cry about my chicken fear only to feel worse than when I came in. That did not work for me at all. What does work? I stay away from chickens. Very easy since I do not live on a farm. The concern is I am afraid of chickens. Which means 100% I will teach my children that I am afraid of chickens. In their empathy and love for me they may also begin to fear chickens. That’s the problem. I don’t want them to fear chickens. I want them to be okay around them.

My fear is real. My concept of it being silly, irrational, and probably very overdramatic is known. Yet here I am. Standing in my truth that chickens are death ninjas to me. You are not afraid of chickens (You should be!) and I’m happy for you. Let us explore what 1 of your fears are.

What do you fear in life?

Maybe it’s death? Maybe you fear being alone forever? Maybe you fear a child passing away before you? There are all common things and great answers. But the person that is also reading this book right now may not have the same answers. I promise you as life has gone on your fears have changed. Think about it. You may have been scared of dogs as child. Now you own 2 and are fine. What transition did you get to in your life where that fear was gone? Did someone make you pet or hold a dog? Did the fear suddenly go away when you saw and met a friendly dog? Replacement is a great way for you to replace your fear with love. Your fears have been feeding your ego your entire life. Your fear has replaced things you may not even realize you like or love. You have let fear guide you. It is the exact same as I am guiding you through my book. Fear showed up, said this is Danger! Danger! You believed it and you stopped doing whatever it was that caused the fear to manifest. You are letting fear dictate your life. Is that how you want to live? Listen, I do the same thing. We are in this together. Don’t forget that part. Let’s talk this out. Fear gives you no rewards. It actually steals things from you. Fear let you not talk to the cute girl at a party. Fear let you not go ask for a raise even when you know you truly deserved it. Fear made you not make that I’m sorry phone call that you regret. Fear left you at a bus stop and took off years ago. And where are you? Still at the bus stop waiting for a ride. Do not do that to yourself anymore. It is a declarative sentence now because I hit the bold button by accident and I like it now so I’m not going to fix it. Do not do that to yourself anymore! Fear is an ending to something you want. It’s not a bridge to cross. Fear stops life. You can reach a center point where you feel like you are fearless and you can overcome. Human beings by nature are survivalist. Look at all our evolutionary accomplishments. Yet, fear has always stopped us from moving forward. Why do we let it? For me, fear shocks even me when it comes up in my life. I don’t recognize it at first then I think, oh yes, that’s what that feeling is. I don’t like it. Fear is an undershirt to your body armour. The longer the wear it the less warm you will feel. You can not change from a place of fear to a place of love overnight. Why not start to see fear as not a barrier, but a hurdle.

Welcome to the beginning of nothing

You are here so that’s a great start. Your mind is slowly opening to what I am saying to you. You are awake and aware. Now it’s time to really see where your thoughts can take you. You are at the beginning of nothing. You will end up with nothing. But it’s the messages in between that I pray you will focus on. What kind of thoughts are you already coming up with? We have talked about fears. Did you think about what you are fearful of? Keep in mind there are all different levels of fears. That is why I am trying to tell you there are no instructions on your spiritual life. You are more connected to yourself than you realize. Your body reacts to your mind’s perceptions. Your mind’s perceptions make your heart react. Your heart impacts all of the sensory perceptions of your body. Everything you do, from soul to life, is connected. Everything. And guess what? When your soul leaves your body, it goes on forever. It takes with you everything you became on Earth. You carry it with you into your next energy. Please don’t think I’m trying to speak as if I know. I don’t know. I’m speaking on my experiences and my own ideas. I do know that we all die someday. I pray for you it’s many, many years ahead. I also pray for myself on that one too.

When you die what happens to your soul?
Where does it go?
Does it immediately leave your body or does it stick around until you ascend?
And by ascending what does that mean?

The clarity of it all

I don’t know. I mean I can spend the next few pages talking about my own beliefs but that’s not why you are here. You are here so I can guide you through my life and we can see what inspires your thoughts from it. That’s all. I don’t know what is going to happen when I die. I know legally, my businesses, homes, assets, and debits will all be taken care of. I have a will prepared. I know my children will be taken care of for the rest of their lives. I imagine the moment I die, a bright light will shoot down and I will fly up to the sky? With all of my heart, I really don’t know that answer. I wish I did. But then again, I wish I didn’t. I don’t think I want to know what happens to me. I would like to believe in what the teachings I have learned are all correct. Live a good Earthly life and seek the Heavenly rewards. Right? Do I believe I will move into a brand new house in Heaven on Samuel Lane, where all of my relatives will greet me and gather? Will we all still be watching the Cubs play from Heaven or can I just jump on a cloud and watch the game right over the stadium? (For free) I know, that I don’t know. I admit that.

Why are you sitting through life?

What do you do when you are having a bad day? I want to crawl in bed and sleep it away but that’s not going to help anything. I want to not talk to anyone or go anywhere. Again, not helping. Now that I’ve learned better, when I am having a bad day I go outside. Being outside helps my mood immediately. If it’s cold I go out for a deep breath and come back in refreshed. If it’s nice out I will sit outside for a while and just clear my head. If it’s raining, I will change clothes and go out in the rain. Rain doesn’t hurt you, so many people try to avoid it. My point is when you are having a bad day that’s the time to really get active. Do something, go somewhere, talk to someone, anything. Sitting in your sadness promotes longevity deeper into the abyss. Don’t do that. Find a new thought and go explore it. You can get yourself out of a bad mood. No one has ever died from a bad mood. It’s impossible to stay unhappy forever. There are far too many positive and interesting stimuli around that will change your perception.

I keep using that word perception because it’s a great way for you to realize you are both an internal and an external being. Your moods reflect your body posture. Your current activity level reflects your mood. When we have had a bad day do we want to go hit it hard at the gym or sit on the couch with a pizza and tv? See what I mean. Your perception will change at the dawn of a new thought. I remember helping a friend move out of her apartment after a breakup with her boyfriend. She cried the whole time. When we finally got all of her stuff put in storage I asked what’s next. She said I’m going to go dancing tonight, drop me off at my friend’s house. Just like that she was over it. She had cried it out and felt ready to move forward. How amazing is the human spirit that you can rise up so quickly after a fall. It’s great.

Hope is the answer, always

Today’s Abraham Quote is this.

Daily Law of Attraction Quotation
The Universe is not punishing you or blessing you. The Universe is responding to the vibrational attitude that you are emitting. The more joyful you are, the more Well-being flows to you — and you get to choose the details of how it flows.

I truly believe this is right. The more positive energy you have inside of you the more you are sending out good vibes to everyone around you. I am a very positive person now. I didn’t used to be. I had to hit rock bottom in my life to realize how precious every day is. For some people everyday seems like a miracle.

I have had my bad moments. I have had bad months and a few times I’ve had bad years. Those were the times I was learning so much about myself. The human spirit is full of hope and that is the one thing you can always count on in your life.
Think about how many times you thought a situation was impossible. Especially when you were younger. You would give up or you would stop trying to progress forward. I have learned things may seem impossible but that’s when you become very proactive and push past the barriers. Many times we get in our own way. We negative self talk in our mind and that stops everything.

If you feel stuck in your life, start noticing the negative things you are thinking about. I’ve felt stuck before. I’ve stayed in a situation before that I didn’t want to. Because I was comfortable or I didn’t see anything better than that. I had no idea what was waiting for me.

Never let anybody tell you that you can not do something. For some people that’s like lighting a fire inside of their soul. Oh look out now. Because that’s probably what they needed to get going. And for some people they believe it.

There is always hope inside of you. You have to find it. You have to nurture it. Hope will get you through the bad times. The bad months or years. Hope is something no one can ever take away from you. It’s that feeling of knowing there’s something good.


Hope is a verb. It’s meant to spark action in your life. Never, ever, ever give up hope. Your life is exactly as you live it. That means you are responsible. If you are not happy, get out. If you feel stuck, change. If you aren’t excited about your future, if you are with someone that doesn’t support, listen, or encourage you, leave. You deserve to be happy. It’s in our constitutions.

Read this if you have never read it all the way. Or if you haven’t read it in years. It’s our American foundation. It’s what our entire way of life was built on. Your pursuit of happiness is your destiny. Anywhere there is a heart beating, there is hope. Never forget you deserve to live every minute of the day in happiness and peace.

I love you guys. I hope you feel loved today! It’s going to be a great day!


In Congress, July 4, 1776

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of AmericaWhen in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new guards for their future security — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. — The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our People, and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from Punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free system of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislature, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions we have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have we been wanting in attention to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do.

And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

The 2018 Financial Crisis

finance-crisis-chart1  For the past several years, maybe 6 years now we have been sending Lindsay down to Mexico every 2 months. It’s a weekend trip. She goes to different major cities down there on our behalf. What she was supposed to do was buy up any oil capital that’s cheap and that’s got sustainability for decades. I’ve never questioned her on the amounts of money she uses for these trips. She continues to come back with all of the paperwork to show what she has bought and how our percentages either increase or divide in our favor. 6 years worth of these type of investments and we have managed to stockpile a lot.

What I just found out last night was she didn’t do what I asked her to do. At all. She bought up the oil capital. That is our main investment, oil and energy based investments. She also bought up all of the natural gas, wind/solar energy, and oil drilling rights to more than quadruple the number we talked about. I didn’t know that. Everything in Mexico is their version of LLC. All of it says something Energy LLC. I took her word for it. So now she has us in a very good position.

Our indicators and number people are all telling me the same thing. In 2018 the energy market is going to tank out in Mexico. Everything we own is going to fall out of the bottom and we are looking to lose a lot of money. Right? Wrong. We will be sitting on a huge turnaround expenditure because all of these American investors that have not positioned themselves as we have will go down there and buy up things we have been stockpiling for 6 years. We will be able to set our own price because everyone knows you buy cheap, sell high. And she has us in 4 markets. Not just one. In 2018 the U.S. economy is going to fail, again. The 2008 collapse is going to look like one wrong answer on a pop quiz compared to flunking the entire semester that’s about to hit us. It makes me sick to think about the 8 million people who lost their jobs. And the 6 million homes that were lost due to the housing market falling apart.

I don’t invest in stocks. Why? Because I got burned in 1993 and 1994 in investments. I rallied because in 1995 I invested in what my Uncles told me to and I made all of my money back and then some. Then I walked away from stocks forever. I don’t put my family foundation money into stocks. We don’t invest it. There is enough in there we can make a nice percentage in the high earning savings account it’s in. It all funnels out to the trust accounts we have set up for each family. From there it’s on the family to dole it out accordingly however they want. I don’t control that part. Never have. Could we have made millions if I kept us linked to the stock market? Yes. Could we have made billions over the next 50 years if I would put us in there? Maybe. Does this one decision cause my family to question me weekly about why we are not doing more to grow our family nest egg? Yes! Weekly I get to hear about what stock split or what stock went up and how much we could have made.
The issue is none of my family members know the real figures of what we have. No one. Only our accountants, our lawyers, and me. I know where we are at financially. My grandfather was a genius followed up by his wife, my grandmother who was smarter than him. Together they worked the money into a bigger pile than I knew about. When my grandmother called me home years ago to tell me she was putting the Kingdom in my hands once she passed I immediately told her no. And we spent the next 4 years battling it out until I truly believed what she was saying would be true. If she left it to my aunts or uncles, it would be squandered away in decades. No one would continue to live the lifestyle they have all become accustomed to. With me, I leave it alone. I leave all of the money where it’s at, I get monthly reports and we have a trusted team of individuals that oversee and don’t touch it. We have had a few meetings suggesting things and I take it all into consideration. Then I don’t move anything. This system my grandparents set up is working. It’s going to keep working for longer than my own generation. When I go, I have to appoint someone else to follow me. That person hasn’t come forward yet in the family. Already in my will, if something happens all of it goes into the lawyers hands to work together to figure it out. I am just the figure-head. I have no real power and no one seems to understand that. My signature has no value with this money. It only directs deposits with the banks. That’s it. Yet without it, nothing happens.

I have found out that the 2018 economic crisis might take out some of my businesses. So we are tightening belts as of the first quarter of 2017. We will be preparing for the fallout starting in the second quarter of 2018. Right around this time, 2 years in the future. You will begin to notice news reports of some very big, very long time and well-known firms failing. Those are the ones that put too much into a risky market internationally. The other ones that will fail will be the ones that put too much locally. The only ones that survive from this will be the firms that have slow growth yields and wait to jump on an opportunity to buy up everything at literally rock bottom prices.

This time around, there will be no taxpayer bailout. Look what the corporations did with the last one. Big bonuses, still even bigger company retreats and parties.

What lesson did any of them really learn? Not a darn thing.

There was only 1 banker that went to jail for the entire 2008 housing market. 1. How many big name corporations folded? How many of them survived? And who thrived from all of it?

We take the risks we know we can control.

That is one of my famous mottos in investing. A lot of my employees have made it into meme’s that are funny to read. I am not a high-flying venture capitalist. I don’t take many risks with my money. That’s why I have Lindsay. Without her foresight and huge thirst for greed, we would not be in this position. When Mexico deregulated the oil and gas markets to allow anyone including the U.S. to come explore, that was supposed to be a big boom for all of us. That didn’t work out. Because it wasn’t positioned to yield like it will in 2018. Don’t believe me? Google Mexico Oil Deregulation. You can read thousands of articles about what this means. What more specific proof? Look up Mexican hydrocarbon legislation. We have bought thousands and thousands of permits from the Ministry of Energy in Mexico giving us the rights to explore, drill, manufactor, process, and sell energy resources. Thousands, thanks to Lindsay doing exactly the opposite of what I asked her to do. This Hydrocarbon law will close the gap January 10th, 2020. From the second quarter of 2018 when things fall apart until this date, January 10th, we will have 18 months to sell everything we have down there. To all of the U.S. or international companies wanting to get in cheap and make a deal.

Or we can sit on it, and wait.

Lindsay says sells, she wants the money back and a 639% profit margin that we predict will happen for every penny we invested. She wants to take the Mexico profits and buy up casino investments. She wants to earn money to earn more money. And she’s right. That’s the kind of money I don’t even know exists. That’s mesosphere level. Something I never thought I would achieve.

If we are wrong, we are sitting on millions of dollars of nothing. And we lose. It will be a hit but not a business ending hit. She has been light on putting too much in one basket. She has spread it around a lot.

So now we sit back and wait. We position ourselves to make money off of something that will change lives. And we pray that people will see the indicators this time and move their money before it’s all gone. Again. It makes me want to throw up thinking about it. It’s stressful and I don’t know what the right thing is to do. Cash in or wait. Because at this point the financial bubble that’s about to burst is going to cause a global market shift in my favor. Either way I will profit. And I don’t know how to deal with that.

So if we slip this image around you will see where I will be at in 2018. And that’s why I do what I do. To make money.


You have a conscience, use it

truth  I had a verbal smack down last night with a friend. She was upset with me and had every right to be. Instead of starting off with excuses or pandering to her wanting to know what’s going on, I said you know what, you are right. I screwed up. I should have been in better contact with you. Then she let me have it and I listened. We talked for 2 and a half hours to work things out. It was a good reminder that even when I know I’m busy I still need to make time for people who do care about me. Lesson learned! Thank you, sweetness.

I found this quote about a month ago and have been wanting to write something about it but I haven’t had time to figure out what to say.

The only people who are mad at me for speaking the truth are those people who are living a lie. I am going to keep speaking the truth, my truth.

What do you think about that one? It says a lot for me. I really like it. As we all know, the truth always comes out. My truth is right here for you to read. I’m also available to anyone for questions. Unless you are mean, you can go kick rocks, I won’t talk to you. There are a lot of things I haven’t said yet. There are a lot of stories going around. If you believe crap from someone about me, look at your source of information. Where did they get the info from? And who are they? Do you really know that person? I’m right here. Come ask me anything. If it’s inappropriate I’m not going to even give you a comment of refusal. But if you have something you feel you need or want to say, come do it. I don’t mind.

Even to all of my former friends, I have always been here for you. Some of you have been reaching out to me lately to talk things over. I honestly never thought that would happen. And one person in particular reached out to work out our problems. It has led to an open door that I felt was locked, barred, and bolted forever to me. She has opened it and said let’s talk more. We are taking it very slowly. In 3 weeks we are getting together to sit down face to face and mend fences. I told her 3 days ago it’s either going to be a tearful goodbye or the greatest second hello in history. I know what is true and I know what is a rumor. Why are you looking at someone other than me for the truth? I’m right here ya’ll. I am accessible. Do I seem like I’m going to attack you for asking me a question? That’s just silly.

The truth is closer to you than you realize. I’ve been spilling the truth for months. It’s all documented right here. Any tabloid that uses my own words to twist into their story they want to make money off of is both stupid and a waste of your time. Tabloids lie. They make stuff up. Don’t waste your money on them. You can pretty much look on their websites and facebook pages to get the gist of the headlines anyway. So don’t give them money you can use for something fun, like a coffee, or a candy bar? I don’t know. What do people buy at the check out stand these days?


I was at Target the other day and bought a lighter. I don’t smoke. I brought it home and set it on the counter to see what Sarah would say. She immediately spotted it and said what’s this! She is big on no one smoking around her at all. I said it’s for candles. I ran out of matches Lol I have no idea why I just sidebarred that story. Anywho…

Look at how angry some people are getting about my story. My story. Not even their own story. If ya’ll want to waste your life gossiping about me, taking my words out of context and henning it up, go for it. It doesn’t matter because you are not telling the truth. A big bunch of folks are on my side. More people than you can see outside of your tiny little group of hate. You have done nothing, achieved nothing, and are crusading for nothing. Go back to your own lives and look in the mirror.

Who are you to talk about me? I don’t even know you.

I’m laughing because I know the reaction this has coming. I’m ready for it. Ya’ll have a great day. One more day until I leave for Cancun. Oh it’s going to be quiet around here without me for a little while. Enjoy reading my posts. I try really hard to make them good.

See ya’ll soon!


Travel the cycle of pain

pain-point  When I was in pain I kept it to myself. I’m not someone who likes to talk about myself, at all. It has been be dragged out of me. I’m really good at surface answer. But I don’t want surface friendships so I am working on that. I like to listen to people share their stories or ideas. I like to ask questions. For me, talking about me, boring and uncomfortable. I don’t see my life as a big deal. I do a lot, I help a lot, but I don’t want that kind of attention. In fact I’m not ever big on any kind of attention. I prefer to be in the background of things. For me being in pain was more emotionally derived than physical. The physical came with all of the stress. That’s when I was living within myself. I was talking to myself, I was shutting everyone out. That’s my first sign I’m in trouble. Pushing my core people away from me is when things begin to unravel for me. I need my people. Not daily, but I need them nearby. The pain I experienced was self-doubt, self-criticism and a whole handful of shame. I was telling my story of pity over and over in my head. It was sinking my happy life. I was letting it.

I climbed out of that boat and started to swim for help. That boat was taking me on a pain journey that I had been on a few times before. I was not going back down that road. I had suffered enough of that. All caused by really bad, selfish decisions. I figured out that I was traveling the cycle of pain, once again. And I didn’t want to. That’s what happens when you reach a certain level of self-actualization. You get really honest with yourself. You start to see the person in the mirror as who you really are and not who your mind tells you that you are. My cycle of pain was negative self-talk. I would literally beat myself up for anything stupid or dumb I felt I had done or said. I don’t know how many times I would literally walk away from a group of people after saying one sentence and leave all of the fun I could have had, to go stand somewhere else and just annihilate myself for saying something I felt was really dumb. I’m not dumb. I can be dumb, but I’m actually very smart. I would have to be to be able to handle everything I do. My dumb moments usually come when I’m nervous. I’m not someone who says things to impress people. I don’t care about that. I say dumb things because I want to understand something better. It’s usually a dumb question. Then I wait to get teased or ridiculed and hopefully everyone will ignore how dumb the question is. The thing is, most of my questions aren’t dumb at all. I just think they are. That’s the negative self-talk taking over.

For me, my pain cycle is an endless loop of the things that happen in my day. At night mostly. But for some reason the next morning I have let it go. I’m really good at calming myself down in 10 minutes or so and letting things go. I just need that brief moment of shock or anger or confusion. Then I am good to go and can revisit any topic you want. My biggest mistakes have always come when I isolate myself from my core people. I need them to help me navigate my life. They keep me in check. They also are great to bounce ideas off of or offer friendly advice.

Have you been traveling a cycle of pain? When are you going to get off of the loop and give yourself a break? I know for me it can take a long time. Not always the same problem over and over, but just the general feeling that everything sucks right now no matter what I do.

It does get better. You can work through it. What to know how I know that? Because the sun shines everyday. The sun never lets us down. If you can equate the sun of a new day with letting go of your pain than you are taking a first step to freedom. Don’t travel in your pain cycle. Crawl out of your boat before you hit the rapids or worse, before you float off of a waterfall! Don’t do that to yourself.

Reach out to someone, talk it out, write it out. Anything. Find your compass and start going in a new direction. Traveling in your pain cycle will eat up some very valuable time in your life. When you are out of it, look back and notice how long it lasted. And learn. Don’t ever stay in pain. It’s not worth it. You are worth so much more than that. Your pain is important. Your pain is real. Leave your pain. And move on.

I love ya’ll!

Disqus or not?

disqus  Lindsay is working on my long list of blog fixes, error messages fixes and about 25 items of things I wanted done. She is hung over and mad so it’s going faster because she’s annoyed Lol

We installed a brand new commenting system. It’s called the Disqus plugin. You will be able to login using your Facebook, Google, Twitter, or Disqus account. If you do not have one I will put a link down below where you can register for free. All you need is an email address and off you go. Easy.

The reason why I’ve been wanting to switch to this system is because it’s much easier for me to be able to help Lindsay moderate the comments. Right now she is the one that reads your comments. Then she decides if your comment gets left in the que for me to read and reply. Sometimes she doesn’t like someone’s name (Anyone named Emily or Jeffery, don’t ask me she is weird like that) or maybe you pissed her off on twitter. Either way she deletes about 50% of all of my comments and I would actually like to see them. This new system will let the comments go to both of our email addresses and we can go from there.

What took so long to switch over is she had to figure out a way to make the older comments go into the new system so I wouldn’t lose them. There was something about merging a database? or a table? or something? I have no idea. But because I have over 5,000 comments it was going to take over an hour to do it because as each thing goes in, an error may come up. She has to stop, fix the error and continue. It took over an hour (I sure heard about that Lol) and it’s not working.

Now this does not guarantee all of the errors are gone. If you find one please let me know. This comment system is built on a tree dynamic. If I start a comment, you reply and others can either reply to me or reply to you. How cool is that? It’s also a way to build community amongst yourselves. You can edit your own comment. You can delete it. You have control over your words, finally.

Also (Trolls), there is a big fun BAN button on this thing. And I’m sure we will be dealing with some of that from time to time. Let’s hope this was a good idea. Lindsay thought it was a dumb idea and told me now for 2 months before she finally agreed. And like I said, she’s hung over so I’m sure that’s the only reason she caved.

Please be aware, if you do not want to use your facebook, your twitter, or your google, then create your own disqus account. For your privacy. We all know the trolls stalk me and my friends online. To avoid that you can create an account and put any name or nickname you want.

I’m excited to see if it actually works. If it’s a bad idea I’m sure I will be hearing about it. But I’m trying to get my blog back to what it was a few years ago. I’m still getting a lot of hits per day and I want to build a community of friends that can begin to talk to other blog readers. It was a lot of fun back in the day.

Thanks for being patient as we have had errors the past 2 hours here. I think we are up and running again. She must have passed out again Lol

Please visit this link to register an account or sign in using your Facebook, Google, or Twitter account.

Disqus Sign Up Page


Fear is on the other side

fear  I’ve been through a lot of things in the past year. Nothing compares to my twins coming into my life. Now I’m struggling with the family court to prove that my medical history is not going to be an issue. In doing so I have to prove that I have things in place and people to care for them if my health begins to be an issue, again. It really sucks having to think about the day I die. What will happen to my boys? Who gets to raise them? What happens to all of my things? Will people know that I want my boys to have my grandfather’s watches? Will someone tell them how funny I thought I was or how goofy I danced when I was really happy? It’s the last thing anyone wants to deal with but if I don’t get all of this paperwork filed and presented to the court, I won’t have a chance. I knew from the beginning the only issue that would come up is my health. I’ve been healthy for a while but I know that won’t last. The struggle is real Lol I like that saying. It makes me laugh.
I am afraid to fill this stuff out. So afraid it makes me not want to say it out loud. That has opened up my mind to a lot of reasons why people don’t say things out loud. Have you ever went to visit a family member after a few years and you sit down smiling. They get really quiet and then out comes all of the things that have gone on in the time period you’ve been away from them? It’s shocking, heart wrenching, and makes you feel like you should just hug them. That’s mostly the women. The men, Oh we’ve been alright. Not much going on. That’s how my family is. We aren’t supposed to complain about anything. We are raised to keep our mouths shut and to be polite. If you don’t have anything nice to say mentality.
There are a lot of things I don’t talk about because I’m scared. Not scared of anyone’s reactions or what someone might say to me. I’m afraid to speak up because if I do then it’s a huge can of worms in my life I’m probably not ready to deal with. I know a lot of people who feel that way. They have finally spoken up and tell me how free they feel now. How much they had held onto that fear for years. Or I hear a lot of stories that contain phrases like, “You have no idea what I’ve been through” or “I can’t even talk about it”.
Why can’t you talk about it? What happens when we hide our feelings and fears away? I know for my personally I become angry. The quieter I get the worse it is. I’m a great listener. It’s the foundation of who I am. I prefer not to talk but when I do, I try to add some context to the conversation. Or I’m in a mood where I want to make someone laugh. I’m really good at making people laugh. I am slowly coming to the understanding that you can talk about the hard stuff. No wait, you SHOULD talk about it. The sooner you say it, the better it is for you and anyone around you that knows you are not saying something big. It’s a look in your eyes. It’s that smile that fades away because your mind is urging you to say it. You can find a friend or family member who you can trust. You can talk to clergy or a co-worker. There is someone on the other side of your fear that will accept your fear. They will be shocked but you will find out very quickly they are there. They probably will hug you and tell you it’s going to be okay. They might even thank you for sharing your heart. We hide our fear like we hide Easter eggs. Everyone can see them but we are just waiting for someone to pick it up. Why? Why have we become so evolved in so many great things like equality, emotions, and gender issues yet we are still the generation that hides the big things.
How long has fear lived in your head stopping you from saying what your heart is tired of carrying?
I have lived my whole life knowing a lot of things. The adults in my family would openly talk in front of me about some very adult things because they knew I was the quiet kid who wouldn’t run around and tattle. The truth is my grandmother would send me out with a tray of Sweet tea or snacks and I would have to report back what the men were talking about. I would say big words like indictment and divorce and she would fill up the tray again and shove me out of the kitchen telling me find out who said the word divorce! When the other kids would come into the room everyone would get quiet. Then after our family dinner my grandmother would pull whoever aside and let them know she was aware of the divorce word and she wouldn’t have that in the family. She was the ringmaster. She really was. I miss her. She was so sneaky but so much fun. I laugh just like her. I throw my head back and let out a big loud belly laugh when I am tickled. I hope my boys laugh like me.
Fear is just a renter. You can kick it out and replace it with love and strength. It may take you years to confess your heart to someone. I’m not urging you to sit down tonight and throw all of your emotional baggage on the dinner table. I mean do that if you want, that would be awesome Lol But I’m saying think about this. What are you hiding? What has you in such fear to admit to or to say out loud that you can’t even say it to yourself in a mirror. We all have secrets. The truth is most of us have secrets other people tell us. Now that is a murky, muddy, world to be in. The keeper and guardian of someone else’s secrets. It’s such an honor to be that trusted. And there is always one part of you that wants to tell someone else, Ooooooooh guess what I found out today! Don’t do that. Keep a secret as long as you can. Unless it involves someone being hurt.
The one thing I know for sure about secrets is that some secrets are meant to be shared. As a kid if someone is being hurt and you know it, we usually did not say a word. We would worry, even fret over it, but most of us kept that. Because we were told to. Times have changed. We are supposed to encourage our kids and others to do what? If you see it, say it. Or what is that saying they have for safety going around? I remember now.
If you see something, say something.
How powerful is that. Repeat that in your head a few times. If you see something, say something. If you see something, say something. That’s powerful stuff.
I have said all I can say about my life. There are no more secrets. In truth there really hasn’t been that many secret things going on in my life. I put it all out there and have no problem answering questions. I’m still working on that question blog I mentioned last week. I received some really great questions. Love that.
I hope you read this and think about the message I hopefully was able to make. Your fear has an expiration date. When you are ready, find someone, and share what scares you. Tell someone what has caused you to go silent all of these years. I promise you, on the other side of whatever it is, you will feel empowered and better. And you will be okay.
Fear isn’t the answer. Fear is the death of life. Fear stops a lot of things from happening. Fear is the reason why people yell and scream. Fear is the closed-door you won’t open.
Please open the door 😉