1 week to go, Folks

Tomorrow morning when we wake up my wife will have 1 week to go before we meet our son Talon, hopefully. She is being a real trooper through all of this but geez I feel bad for her.

I am on my BEST BEHAVIOR because my wife ratted me out to my mother in law and she texted me some things that I won’t repeat Lol So now I don’t fuss, argue, eye-roll, or even let out a sigh anywhere near her. At all. I hold my tongue, I hop up and get whatever she needs. She is carrying my boy. I need to help out more. I thought I was but apparently I wasn’t. Sorry but I do have 3 other kids to tend to so if I screw up here or there, I don’t see a reason to run to your mom and tell on me. Deep breath!!!

We have flights booked for the few that will be coming over next week. We have their bedrooms already for them. I know Lindsay will be coming in from Tokyo so she’s going to be exhausted. I asked what she was doing over there and she said research. I don’t want to know. I’m not supposed to “worry” about the business stuff anymore because it’s all “handled and STFU about it”. That’s what Lindz told me via text a few days ago.

My job is full-time dad in waiting. I’m here to make my wife’s life a perfect whatever it is you have to do. I’m getting a little nervous though. She has no idea what she’s in for during the birth. I don’t either I just know that my hand was squeezed until my knuckles were white and I did my very best to stay calm and not freak out or pass out.

Yes I’m going to be in the delivery room. AND NO OTHER family or friend will be. That’s my wife’s choice. That means no creep-a** father-in-laws all up in there taking photos and staring at my wife’s vajayjay Lol If you don’t get that reference, just comment me and I will explain. I’m laughing just typing that one!

Only me and our medical team are allowed in. Every one else can wait outside and if she poops on the table that’s not public knowledge Lol I’m not supposed to say if she does or doesn’t. I already know her face will be a mess and she’s going to be exhausted right after. I am bringing up some extra pillows because we will be in there a day or two. It all depends on how it goes.

We did a quadruple check on his nursery. We have everything and if I forgot something Lindsay will go to the stores and stock us up anyway. She usually buys us 3 months worth of stuff for each new baby Lol It is very helpful and we really appreciate it.

Drew is in charge of telling the entire family and friend group everything. He said he made a list on his phone or who to call and how to text.

Now it’s just a waiting game. And boy am I impatient. I just want to see his little face and hold him. Ryan was my first boy and I never got to see him or hold him. He passed away a few months before he was born. This is my first biological child and not my last. We do want 1 more and we want to adopt 1 more but not for a few years. My wife said I am CUT OFF MISTER and I’m also not allowed to talk to my adoption attorney Lol She is serious. I agree. 4 kids, man. Who would have thought this would be my life.

I am so focused on my home life I only have 3 things written down for what I want my next chapter to be. I don’t want to divulge my list yet because after my son’s birth that may all change. I’m okay financially neither of us have to work, ever. I still want to keep busy with something though and so does my wife. We will figure it out.

Right now and for the next 7 days, life is all about my wife.

Wish me luck?!??!??

Early morning flights

Work is going great. I have a bunch of day trips this month. I get to take myself up in the air and fly away to a new city. I love that. But soon enough the weather will change I will no longer being flying myself around during winter time. I have babies now that need me. The risk is too much. I will have to go back to flying commercial. Like everyone else. Pretty bummed but it’s all about safety. And with all the other risks I already take one less is probably for the best. I also have to put my boat and jet skis up soon. That’s a bummer also. This summer sure flew by.

Lindsay will be coming out on Friday sometime. She never tells me until she’s at the airport calling to say Come get me and hurry the F up Lol Or she just shows up. She’s coming to cheer me on in my marathon this weekend. I could use the support because I know my legs will be gone. I won’t be able to move that well the rest of the day. I asked if she wanted to run in it with me and she didn’t even say anything. I said did you hang up and she said I answered you telepatheically. I started laughing and I said I didn’t hear the message she said here let me translate, that was F no Lol So gracious. She bet me $100 to push the boys in a stroller the whole race. And my 20-year-old brain said I bet I could do it, then my 43-year-old body said no you can’t. So I declined. She asked if she could drive in front of me so throw bananas and water bottles at me and I said this is the Tour de France, there are no pit cars in front of the competitors. Then she asked if she could stumble from the crowd and finish the race like she heard someone do back in the 1980’s. I said no. Don’t embarrass the family.

I’m really excited to just run. I have my playlist on my phone ready. I’m going to charge my phone all night. I’m going to bed early and I’m going to really take it easy the night before. Not eating too much but loading up on all the things my body will need. And hydrate. I’m going to hydrate like crazy. I don’t want to get a cramp and have to slow down. I’m so ready to run.

The best part is when I cross that finish line 3 years after I set a goal to run this race. My foot healed, my pride restored and another life goal checkmarked off. I’m ready.

Will I win? No. Not even close. But I won’t be last. I know that much. I will fit in the middle somewhere and when I’m sweaty, out of breath, and I get my official time set, I will stop running marathons. Because I’m happy jogging in the mornings without the pressure of trying to compete against anyone but myself.

It’s all about pacing yourself. And as I get older, my pace has slowed down. And I’m okay with that.

The Return of the King

I am back home in Las Vegas after an emergency out of town. Everything is getting better day by day but it’s going to take time. I have to figure out how to completely change direction in my life. I have a few ideas but I’m moving gently right now. I suffered a major loss and I am still pretty fragile. 

Some nice things were sent to me in my short absence. I appreciate everyone who reads this blog. Ya’ll make it worth it. You really do. 

I will not be working for a few months. I’m taking time off. I have to. I’m leaving all of my business stuff in capable hands and I’m going to enjoy my life. Life is too short. In the blink of an eye, this all goes away. 

God has given my this chance. I’m going to make the best life possible. I am renewed and happy. I am very happy. 

I realize how much I mean to people and I am going to work on myself. Get things together. I am ready for a brand new kind of love in my life. When God wants her to come into my life, she will. And I will hold Faith and Pray everyday that love finds me. It’s all I have ever wanted. To belong to someone.

I love ya’ll for being here. I have some great things to share. I’m going to start writing everyday. Stay tuned, my friends 🙂 

Forgiveness

power-of-forgiveness_tForgiving someone is hard. It takes all of your might to really let go of the pain and hurt that you feel. My best advice comes from my own experience. I had to forgive my brother for the worst thing that has ever happened in my life. When I forgave him I looked at him and said it. Then I said I can’t be in your life anymore. It broke my heart, twice.

Danny was my little brother. He was always into trouble. And I took on the typical role of the big brother. Always watching out for him or helping him when things were getting bad in his life. I still have a lot of regret because I feel like I could have done more for him but the truth is, I did all that I knew how to do. I know a lot better now, but he passed away years ago. In my prayers I still ask God to watch out for him. I love him, he will always be my baby brother.

From that I learned that forgiving someone has nothing to do with what they did or say that caused your pain. It’s about releasing that bad energy you are carrying on your heart and lifting the weight off of your shoulders. This is all I can say to you about forgiveness.

Ask the person to stay open to your words in that moment. Ask them that you are going to talk to them about your perspective on the history of what you have. Keep in mind their history is going to be different than yours. Because people that share a hurt together often re-write the facts. Tell them how much what they have done or said has hurt you. Then tell them that you want to share the truth as you know it and ask them to correct anything you have wrong. Offer to listen to their side. This is when it gets really hard. Because most people take a defensive position. They don’t view themselves are someone that would purposefully hurt anyone. This is where staying open is the most important. You may not get back the same story you remember. You may learn the Why or the How from it. And that’s when forgiveness can begin. Say I forgive you for all the things I remember that caused me hurt. Then offer them to forgive you for carrying this hurt all of this time. It’s never going to be a moment of clarity and resolution. That comes within the hours of days of the conversation. But it’s so important to forgive people.

When you don’t forgive someone you are causing pain in your heart. It makes you not fully trust people in your life. It makes you feel like you are less than, that you are not worth this person treating you equal or fair. You feel justified in your pain, but also justified in holding yourself away from this person either physically or emotionally. And that does damage to you. So don’t do that.

Everything can be forgiven. Do you see that? Every act, no matter how horrible can be forgiven. Now that doesn’t mean it should ever be forgotten. Nor allowed to be repeated. But anything with God’s mercy and your open heart can be forgiven. It’s worth a tough conversation to feel the peace you have after your words are exchanged. You are worth it. The other person or people are worth it. And you will feel a sense of relief in your life.

Forgiving someone is important. Make it a priority in your life to forgive everyone. You will live a much happier, fuller life. I promise you that! I love ya’ll. God loves you too!

Because we are sinners we should forgive others

Matthew 6:14-15 NIV