Lindsay’s Book Preorder! “I Stepped in Troll Furphy”

Lindsay’s book “I Stepped in Troll Furphy” is going on sale very soon here! She is launching her Pre-order now. We will get it for Pre-order on Amazon tomorrow. She has just been selling the paperbacks so far and ran out. She’s doing her 2nd printing and decided to sell it on here and other book websites soon. I’m glad. A lot of people have been asking me about her book. It’s a lot longer than my book. I think it’s hilarious. She has a way with words that’s for sure and I’m glad that I’m not the entire subject, I’m just in a chapter or 3.

If you want to Pre-order her book you can go here now:

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=XDMT2SV4RV7VJ

I hope that works. The books will start to be sent out in a few weeks. She’s using the same company that I used to process. They did a great job for me and they are pretty fast. Her book is going to cost $14.99 initially and she will lower the price in a few months or never. She hasn’t decided.

It really is a funny book. Several of our friends that have read it said she should write more. I’m happy to see her finally doing something with it instead of emailing me how many books she sold at her marijuana store events Lol I guess it’s got a slight drug, marijuana drug cartel following? I don’t know who her friends are but she’s doing well with book sales.

I just got Talon back to sleep and remembered I told her I would post this. I’m going back to bed now guys! Goodnight!

Pancakes with some emotional syrup on top

I am deeply entrenched in this self-actualization kick. Deeply. I am always thinking about my words and actions. It’s a conscious thought now and I love it. I want to learn more about myself from someone else’s perspective.
I am not a stereotypical guy at all. Never have been. That’s the one thing I hear a lot from my childhood friends. I was a combo. Strong athletically, not a bragger at all (That came later on Lol) and very sensitive. Kind, sweet, I hear a lot, always very gentle. That’s what a lot of my female childhood friends say. My male childhood friends remember me always being strong, sticking up for everyone even the kids we never hung around with and someone they could really talk to about stuff. All positive things. So I asked my group of misfit friends this morning, what is it that you remember about me that was negative, mean, condescending, or intolerable. It did take a few minutes for someone to say an example so that was great until…
I have an air about me. It’s confidence. I exude confidence probably because I am deeply, completely, utterly self-aware and totally in love with myself. I could literally talk about how much I love myself all day Lol That part comes off both positive and negative. Peyton who has known me the shortest amount of time. So she said she always felt less than while we were dating each other. She said she always paid a lot more attention to what outfit she wore to our group dinners or how her hair and makeup looked. She said she felt less attractive while we dated because of how in shape I am, how I dress, and how I treat everyone around us, even the wait staff, total strangers, or anyone I communicated with. She said she loved to watch me talk or listen to other people because it was a study of psychology for her. One of her favorite classes in college. She said she knew she wasn’t less than but for the first time she was dating someone she was intimidated by but not in a mean or angry intimidation. She said she just felt not good enough and with that insecurity she would act out more by doing or saying things to get my attention and get the focus all on her. She said she didn’t realize it until she analyzed every moment of our 1 month dating life with a bunch of her girlfriends and 4 bottles of wine 2 weekends after I broke up with her Lol She said I don’t realize that people around me probably all feel the way a little and that it’s not necessarily all my fault but I should do a better job of trying not to make everything a 5 star experience and just relax more.

Nice. I took it in and let it process just in time for Lindsay to chime in and say you are smug bastard and the only reason we have gotten on for 20 plus years is because I always have Cheetos and I don’t bullshit her. She said that’s all she had to add pass the bacon Lol

Drew said he always felt protected by me. Not just my size but because I would do the right thing. Even if it meant ratted us out to our folks. He said he knew he would be okay no matter how much trouble we got into because I would always take the blame. Even when I wasn’t even there I would go tell his folks it was all of my fault so he wouldn’t be in that much trouble. He said he felt like he wasn’t able to really develop a sense of self-protection until we finally went our separate ways after college and he had to. He said he felt like we were so joined at the hip that he didn’t really have an identity. He was known as Sam’s friend. Or the tall guy’s bud. He said he felt more of a man and more all on his own the day he got married. And he said right before we both went out to stand at the altar waiting for his bride I made a joke and told him “Well I raised you up best I could, you are all hers now” and we all laughed because it was both truth and honest. He said that was one of the things he would always remember about the wedding day because it wasn’t just his parents giving him up forever, it was me too. And he felt a little scared not having me in his life everyday anymore. He said so it was a good thing we split up after college but he always knew we would be best friends for life based on all of the talks we have had since we were kids. He said you really do feel like half of me and my wife and kids feel like the other half. So there was that Aahhh moment and then we both high-fived and laughed to cover up any tears we both felt might sneak out and embarrass us Lol

Ben said since he has known me a little longer than Peyton he has seen a lot of stress from Lindsay and a lot of stress from me. He said we both are too into our jobs and we do need to relax more as Peyton said. He said he feels like one of the group instantly because no matter if Lindsay invites him or not he feels invited. And he said every time we see each other I give him a man hug. He said some of his own friends he has had for years don’t greet or say goodbye like that and at first it made him a little uncomfortable but he realizes it’s just genuine love and care about him is why I do it. Because I do it with everyone not just women, not just guys, everyone.
Tristan had a lot to say. I will skip most of it because it was complimentary and I wasn’t looking for that. She said she felt like there was always something different about me and that she knew I was being abused but didn’t want to talk to me about it. She said she knew my dad was mean because he would yell at her and her sister a lot even when they weren’t even doing anything. She said she was mad at me for not running away sooner. She said she felt like I got really good at hiding my feelings or covering up things with stories that didn’t tell the full truth but as soon as I left and moved into her house when I was 16 that I wasn’t like that ever again. She said you just said things. She said you were nice about it but even things that people didn’t want to hear, you said them. She said that helped her a lot with dating because I would look after her and her sister when it came to boys. She said the 2 years we had together in her house she liked it because I was a lot nicer than Tyson was Lol She said Tyson’s focus went all on me and the girls both felt that was a big relief because Tyson was actually treating them nicer now that he wasn’t bugging them about everything they did or said. She said she just wishes I would stop being so naive and really figure out why I keep meeting these damsels in distress that need to be saved. Something I hear a lot that I am attracted to women that need or want me to save them.

Tyson said he just remembers all the fun we had as kids and he doesn’t really remember anything mean I ever said to him. He said we never got into a fist fight or had big blowups between us until we were adults. He said he thinks I’m a tease with women though that he has heard that a lot around town that I will be friendly or make friends with women then drop them all of a sudden or stop talking to them. He said he thought I was a player and had been sleeping with every girl who said that about me to him and I said no, I have had sex with 3 women in my whole life. I’m the furthest thing from a player. I explained to him that I get shy when a woman says she likes me and I will push her away immediately because I’m very uncomfortable about that. I said I only like it when I also like the woman and then I will keep in communication regularly. Then I said who said that and he said he’d tell me later but it was a lot.

Drew’s wife said she adores me and that’s why Drew gets mad at her sometimes because she used to compare how he treats her to how I treat her and she said other than that I’ve always welcomed her into the family and made sure she has help with the kids or helps her get Drew to stop being an ass Lol We all laughed at that because Drew really is an ass.

Becky said she just loves being around me because I make silly jokes and I always make sure she’s having a good time. She said she also feels intimidated because of all the money that I have but she thinks I just need to not work so hard now that I have the boys and she hopes I can learn to forgive myself. She said I take things really hard and I need to work on getting to a better place of forgiveness.
It was fun. I was a little offended by some of it naturally but I do really value the opinions of my friends. It’s nice to know that I do have another side because I hear a lot how nice I am. I know I am (See, arrogance coming out) but I’m not nice all of the time. I mostly am. But I have my moments. It’s just very, very rare when anything mean-spirited or even rude comes out of my mouth. Very rare.

So that was our breakfast conversation. I took everyone out on the boat and we had the jet skis out also. We all went for rides and took turns on the jet skis. Now Lindsay and I are making stuff for sandwiches and chips. We are eating light because we are going to go shopping with everyone and I told them there are a bunch of snack places around there so eat light because you will want to buy some mall food.

This is where the competition part of Lindsay and I gets really out of hand. When we take our friends shopping we pay for everything. She keeps her receipts so she can total them up after we get back and let me know that she spent more on our friends than I did Lol She turns it into some sick game of who is buying their love more, me or her. I take the guys with me, she takes the girls and the girls all go into each store as a pack. When it’s time to check out she stands up there like a 4 star Shopping General and herds everyone’s items into their own individual bags, hands it to them, says you’re welcome then slaps down her Visa and grins like a proud Sugar Mama Lol

I take the guys into all the cool stores and we all look at stuff, try on funny hats or just mess around. The guys don’t want me to pay for anything but they kind of do so I tell them Hey I didn’t go all out for your Christmas, get whatever you want on me. That’s when the kid in them goes nuts and we end up buying completely useless and stupid shit that the women pick on us later for.

We all have to go back to the house, try on new clothes do a little fashion show or get our whatever out of the bag, hold it up and explain what it is and why we wanted it. It’s like a giant Adult Show and Tell and Lindsay loves it. She gets so excited when everyone is so happy with their new stuff and she just loves seeing how happy they are to play with it or look in the mirror all day twirling around or checking their ass Lol It’s ridiculous. I really don’t remember when all of this started but I do remember it is always a fun experience. And honestly our friends do not take advantage of this at all. They usually pick out a few things that doesn’t cost that much. It’s mostly stuff they would never buy for themselves. I enjoy going shopping too and I always ask my friends Should I get this? I’ve been wanting it but I don’t know when I would use the darn thing. I almost always end up buying it.

Tonight it’s Meatfest 2016. I am grilling out and we are going to have ourselves a family bbq. Cam is coming over, some of my employees are driving up with Josh. It’s going to be a huge party. I even invited 4 of my neighbors from here. They are bringing side salads which I thought was so sweet.
Time to go chop veggies and get out lunch stuff.

I hope ya’ll are having a great weekend! I really am. It’s so nice having everyone here. I needed this. I didn’t realize it yesterday but I really did need my friends with me this weekend. I’ve been depressed for a few weeks and haven’t wanted to admit it. I’m so happy to get this time with people who I know love me unconditionally and I am so thankful they had the time to come be with us. They all pretty much just dropped everything to be here. I wasn’t seeing it like that yesterday so I feel bad for complaining but I now know Lindsay knew I needed them that’s why she invited everyone. On Earth. Everyone on Earth is at my house. Making a mess and touching my stuff Lol Just kidding.

God loves you and I love ya’ll too!

I told the truth, I told my story

lastone  I was working on the last post I wanted to put up about the voicemails and texts. What more could I do to tell my truth and my story. I had a timeline, I had all of the last texts and some photos. But looking back over all of this, what does it matter? And who really does care? You are here because you are curious. You want to know what I have to say. Some of you are here as fans not believing a word I say and only on here to use it as ammo on your social media accounts to further harass, stalk, bully, and attempt to ruin my name on the internet. That has never worked and you live a pretty sad life if that’s what you spend your day doing.

I deleted what I had written because I realize it doesn’t matter. In my opinion, I have posted proof that we met, had an affair, had a consensual sexual relationship, we went on a vacation together, we fell madly in love and we carried on as if she wasn’t still married, because technically she wasn’t. We had an affair. We both admit to that. We also had plans for a future together. We wanted to get married and we wanted children together. Then we broke up. I did not talk to her after the break up. I did not continue to even try to contact her. I gave up, I walked away and I left her the hell alone. Because I knew she made her choice. She was going to stay and no matter her real, honest reasons for that, I lost her when I walked away. She tried. She tried really hard to hold on to me. I wasn’t listening and I wouldn’t talk to her. And finally she also gave up.

I changed my phone number. The next day Meri texted Lindsay. And within 2 more days we had broken up.

TextsfromLindz

 

We tried communicating for weeks before we broke up. It wasn’t working out. We were fighting over small things. Then we would stop and be back in love and happy. It was tough. It was really emotional.

After we broke up I lost it. I truly lost my heart. She meant the world to me and I didn’t know what to do without her. I left her alone. I really did. I moved back to Chicago, I began working 18 hour days just to keep busy. I didn’t go out. I didn’t talk to many people. I was depressed. I loved Meri with all of my heart. I truly believed she was going to leave him for me. Not the family, she was never, ever going to leave the family. She wanted out of her marriage because she was so unhappy with him and how he treated her.

I loved her.

Now that it’s been over for months, if I was just a stepping stone to her, to get his attention back or maybe to get herself together and stronger within the family, okay. I can accept that. I’m happy for all our great memories. Meri and I would laugh all day long. Or we would be sweet to each other, everyday. Any disagreement we had, we always worked it out. There was never any type of personal attacks. There were never any threats, my god Meri. Never. When it was over, I walked away. I stayed away. And I have continued to stay out of her life. She is fine. She doesn’t miss me, she doesn’t think about me. She just doesn’t care about me anymore. I accept that.

I can say, I do miss her. I do still think about her from time to time. I do care about her and I pray for her and her family everyday. I hope he makes her happy. I hope she stays open to the life she has to live now. I showed her what true love is. She said that several times. She has never loved him like she loved me. That’s because I was her biggest fan and her greatest unconditional support. She felt safe and free for the first time in her life. The affair with me is probably the only time she has truly done anything without thinking or worrying about what anyone else in her life thought. I was hers. Only hers for the entire affair. And she hadn’t that feeling in 2 decades.

I wish her all of my best. I am open to talking to her again someday. I really do believe in this lifetime she will tell the truth and admit that I am real, I am a man, and I did not catfish her. I know she is a good person, she has a big heart. I know she will do right by me. I know it. It may take her years. Years is all I’ve got left to give her. So I will wait for it to come and I will immediately forget it and accept the apology. I have forgiven her already because I really do understand the one thing no one else sees.

Meri is so scared to tell him and her family that she fell completely head over heels in love with me. That we had sex, that she really was going to leave Kody. She is so scared she is controlling her words instead of just opening up with the truth and saying Yes, I fell in love with Samuel. She is so scared to lose everything for me. I know this because when I fell in love with Meri all those months ago, that’s the exact place I was at with myself. If I fall for this spiritually married woman, am I really ready to lose it all if we get caught someday? Can I face God, my Church, my family, friends, and all the people in the world that will know who I am? I was there where she’s at. I know how hard it can be. So I forgive her for telling the entire world that I catfished her.

I did not catfish Meri Brown.

 

I didn’t and I wouldn’t do that to her. I loved her with all of my heart. All I wanted was to be with her forever. I wanted to marry her and have a baby with her. I wanted lots of babies with her. We also talked about adopting.

So here I am at the end of this story. I will continue to write and to answer questions. This is my story. Please remember, no one but Lindsay knew that we were having an affair. Not Lindsay’s friend who she was traveling with. None of the Browns. Not any of my friends or Meri’s friends. No one. We kept it a secret. There were rumors and there were speculation. But remember folks, none of you were there. So you don’t know. None of you know anything at all about this except what she has said and what I have said and posted. Lindsay is the only person on this Earth that knew the whole story and she is so loyal to me you couldn’t have gotten her to say it. Kendra tried. Kendra tried all kinds of tactics to pressure Lindsay to even admit we were more than friends. The only thing Lindsay kept saying is I don’t know. I don’t know, over and over. After it was over, it took 6 weeks for me to come out and start posting things. The only reason I did is because Meri had her friends create fake troll accounts, not using their real names, photos or info to conceal their true identity and start spreading the rumors that I catfished her and that I was not a man.

Meri, my god. It shocked me. That was when I started to defend myself. I’ve done my best to counteract any type of public lie she tells about me. I tried really hard to continue to tell and prove every word I have ever said about this. I could have handled this a whole different way. We all could have. But here we are. At the end of this. And the only question left is, what do I do now?

I am single. I am happy. I live in Chicago and I am still working on building my empire. Work keeps me busy, I travel a lot and I get to do the things I love to do with my life. I am working to adopt my boys. My twin boys are almost 3 months old now and growing so fast. I look at them and wish Meri were here helping me raise them. Then I realize she won’t be and to stop thinking that stuff. I know she is a great mom. I know her kids love her. I know she loves all of her kids with all of her heart.

Will Meri and I ever talk again? No. Not in this lifetime. But if she does want to reach out to me I am open for it. If any of her family wants to talk to me and ask questions, I am open for it. I will always be here for Meri. I gave her the one thing no one else could. I gave her, her voice back. She felt lost for 5 years. No one really knew her anymore because they weren’t spending the quality time with her she craved. Now I pray they do and will. She needs a lot of attention. She needs a lot of love. She needs respect, communication, and to be listened to. Even if she is ranting off or just needing to talk things out. She needs all of them.

Was she worth all of this? All the hurt and pain and embarrassment that this affair has caused me and will continue to cause me in all of my life? Was Meri Brown worth all of this?

Yes she was. And I loved her with everything I had. In some ways, I probably still do.

Thank you for finding me. May God bless us and may I finally feel a huge weight off of my heart. I am a human being if some of you have forgotten. Doesn’t matter if you think I am truthful or not. I am here. I do matter and I do have feelings. I’m asking you to leave me alone if you are full of hate. Just let me live my life. I do nothing to harm any of you or even to say something ugly. I answer questions, I tell the truth, I show proof. You are not entitled to anymore than what I offer to you. I want this to move on with lessons learned and a journey to peace for both Meri and I. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. I may not answer it if I find it uninteresting or if it’s rude.

I feel a lot better now that I’ve had my say. I know love will find me someday when I’m ready. For now all I want to do is love my kids and focus on their adoption and hang out with my dog. They are all I have in my life. Heston and Alex. My boys. I love them so much. And I pray to God when they are old enough they will understand this story. I pray they forgive me for my sins.

In the end, I was Almost Meri’ed 😉

Freedom is coming, I promise

freedom-fb-covers  The best news I could get is something I can’t share just yet. It’s been months in the making. I told ya’ll it would happen and it is. Be patient as things unfold and watch what I do. All I needed is one chance, one shot. And my shot is coming. I am on Cloud 9 right now.

Everything I have prayed for, every wish, all the hopes and dreams I have for my life. I am getting it soon. I trusted God. Even when I had my doubts, even when nothing but prayer was keeping me going, I surrendered my will and gave it to God. In time, you can have all of your prayers answered. Scratch that, in God’s time, they will come to you.

This is why you don’t give up on things in your life. You can’t afford to. The moment you give up is the moment you weaken your core beliefs. You owe it to yourself to keep faith. I have learned over the past year of my life that I thought I knew better. I thought I knew how to love, how to give, how to be kind, how to be graceful. I’m not at all the same guy I was back then. I’m better. I’m kinder, more graceful. I am everything I ever wanted to be. It took me losing a great love, a soul mate, to realize just how much I needed to work on me. I’ve been working on things, I’m still working on things. And it is paying off!

Ya’ll don’t even know. I’m living Heaven right now in my life. I couldn’t be happier. Thank you all for the support and friendships. Thanks for the love and all the great messages. You are all loved.

Just watch what happens next 😉 Right, baby?

Expired

business-man-mistake-whoops  Hello everyone. We are back up and running. I’ve heard from my friends some pretty cool rumors going around about what happened to my website. Don’t believe any of them unless the rumor is as follows.

I forgot to renew my domain and web hosting with Godaddy. That’s it. I had gotten an email. Then 3 more emails and I just didn’t get around to it. I’m all paid up and we all get to enjoy another year of me. Neat isn’t it Lol Anything else being said, legal issues, I was arrested, or anything like that is totally false and just the trolls trying to start up more lies with creative stories. We are all used to that by now.

Hope everyone is doing well. My boys are awesome! I like being home 24/7 with them. I’m able to hold both of them now to feed them thanks to some very awesome twin type pillow/half chair thing I ordered. It’s a lot of fun. They are growing. They are wiggling. And Alex is eating and keeping most of it down, finally. Heston has no problems eating. The boy is probably going to be a Linebacker the way he eats Lol Things are great. I am happy, the boys are healthy, my life is great. I’ve had a lot of friends coming in and out of town lately. I barely have time to write on here. I’m sorry about that. But that’s how it goes with new babies. I thank all my friends and appreciate all of the positive messages you send me. I’m way behind on writing back/texting/calling. I will try to catch up soon. Maybe when my boys are 18?

The legal guardianship is heading to court and at least on paper I am going to be the adult in charge. Not so sure that’s a good idea since I am the guy that painted a big letter T on my chest once and went to a basketball game with my friends in consecutive letters, GO THUNDER!

There are also photos floating around of “My newborn sons”, total bullshit. Ya’ll know I rarely swear, ever. But it’s total bullshit. One of the trolls turned those into the group leadership claiming I sent them to her and she couldn’t be a bigger liar. Nice try though. My boys, are my boys and not for viewing to the public. I told ya’ll that on here several times. So please keep your silly games to someone else. And don’t involve my kids. Because Papa Bear will come out and play. Not cool at all, trolls.

My 43rd birthday is tomorrow. We are having a catered dinner with family, friends, and employees. Lindsay and Ben will be flying in later today. She swears she bought me the world’s best present and she’s just returning from a weekend in Los Angeles so I’m guessing it’s something horribly funny or horribly scary. She hasn’t been this tickled to give me something since she put a baby scorpion in my favorite drinking cup and told me there was a smudge in it rewash it. I looked down and almost dropped the cup Lol I freed him to go pinch someone else and she laughed and laughed and…she’s a brat!

Have I said how perfect my boys are? They really are. I love them. They are the best birthday present I could ever get. So happy to have them in my life. The nanny might think different. We are in a routine and still struggling with the night shift. I get up. Okay, I didn’t get up a few times but I was worn out. But I do get up. I think I missed 2 nights. In a row Lol So now we’re finding a schedule that works for both of us. She gets 3 days off a week because I do realize how hard she works the other 4. And my 2 part time nannies love being here. It’s been one big happy adventure everyday. I don’t know how I’m going to go back to work in a few weeks. I don’t want to even leave them to go to the store. I don’t even mind the diapers. I’m getting pretty good at it.

Did ya’ll miss me? No? Yes? Well I’m back. And we will be doing a lot of things to the blog when Lindsay gets here. She wants to “pimp it out, cub scout” whatever that means. So maybe I’m getting a new design? We will see!

I will write more when I can. Missed ya’ll. Have a great week!

I feel completely worthless

I cried in the elevator today. Kevin was with me. Nothing was said, no music was playing to provoke it. I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. He did what any good dude would do, he asked if I was alright, told me to suck it up, and then stood in silence as we rode the rest of the floors up to my office. I sucked it up before the doors opened, immediately went into my office and closed the doors for 10 minutes. I don’t even know what to say to myself about it. I am so embarrassed.

I think I figured out that sadness deep in my chest. At lunch I was eating and reading my Bible passage for the day. It usually uplifts me to the point I stand up, walk around a little and get ready to hit the second part of my day. Today it’s all been about listening to everyone and making decisions together. Everyone can tell I’m not myself. I’m not happy. Today I’m not even smiling.

I had to take a walk outside and just get some fresh air. Then I remembered a chapter from a book in my office that I love. And wanted to share the pages from that section.

I have to learn how to love myself again. Because this has broken me. This helped me figure out my sadness and why I was not even loving myself anymore. It’s all about who your happiness belongs to. And as I reminded myself in this chapter, it belongs to me.

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