185th Voicemail,186th Voicemail, 187th Voicemail, 188th Voicemail – June 30th, 2015

Kendra was the first one to figure out we were having an affair. We were doing everything we could to stop the rumors. Even cleaning up my twitter account to erase off any tweets that may elude to more than friendship. Nothing was working. The rumors kept growing and Kendra kept digging up more and more info about our relationship. She kept asking Meri and Lindsay what was going on, but neither one of them would tell her anything. Lindsay only said to her “I don’t know” over and over again. This conversation was about rumors in Kendra’s group about our affair and how frustrating it was to keep hearing about it daily. I was not calling Kendra a liar. I was calling someone else that was asking questions after Kendra figured this out the liar. Because she is. But I refuse to give her any attention on here.

We had been walking together for a couple of months. First in the mornings and then later we added in at night too. It was to rehab my foot. I had broken my foot in 3 places months ago and I had to relearn how to walk properly. My foot kept going off center. My rehab lady told me to walk a lot a certain way to rehab it. If I wasn’t able to walk with Meri we would talk on the phone while she walked. This morning I was still mad from the night before so I took off at the same time but on my own. She saw me and decided to call. I ignored it. Then I picked up the next call and we had a disagreement about something she said to me. I didn’t like what she said but I had gotten in the shower and was getting dressed in eating. So while I was busy she kept calling me and I didn’t even know it.  Meri thought I was more upset than I was, but I had let it go already. She was a little worried that I was still upset. So we were discussing that. We made up later that night. She came over and we talked it out. She was ready to move out and leave him. She was tired of all of it.

185th Voicemail June 30th, 2015

Baby. You are scaring me. Talk to me. I love you.

186th Voicemail 6-30-2015 7:14am

Saw you and thought it looked like you were probably walking. So I thought I’d just give you a call. Okay, call me back if you want to.

187th Voicemail 6-30-2015 7:52am

Samuel I’m sorry that you felt like that was a comparison. All I was saying was I had that (With Kody). I know what that feels like. That’s not what I’m looking for with you. Do you understand. That what I want with you is something deeper and stronger. And more passionate. It’s what we have. We have something more passionate then I have ever felt and you know that.

188th Voicemail 6-30-2015 7:58am

And I wasn’t comparing you (To Kody) and anyway. You know what? Guess what. If I were compare you, you win on all counts. You win on all fucking levels. Now I’m pissed. You don’t think. You don’t think that I think that you beat out? You don’t think that I think that you are taller, better looking. Very much better looking by the way. Kinder. Sweeter. You care about me. You want me. You say that you are willing to fight for me. You say all these things about love and affection and passion. So yeah if I were to compare you. You win. All the time. But that was not a comparison. It was I know the pain of that. That’s all that was. And that’s not what I want with you. I think you need to just. I am fighting my darndest for you right now. Because I feel you slipping away. And I’m fighting when everything in me tells me, all my history (With Kody), excuse me, all my history tells me to just back off and let go. And I’m not doing that with you. I told you I wouldn’t and I’m keeping that promise that I’m right here. But I know that it makes you mad when I. It’s you. And all I want is you Sam. All I want is you. And I just keep fighting for you and I just keep pushing you away.



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180th Voicemail, 181st Voicemail, 182nd Voicemail, 183rd Voicemail, 184th Voicemail – June 29th, 2015

This is when I found out she was going on that Alaska Trip. And I was pissed off. I was not at all happy about that. But I let it go. I’m pretty good about letting stuff go. I just need to say what I feel then I’m over it. We were fine in a few hours.

180th Voicemail 6-29-2015 2:02pm

Hey I’m just sitting out here with Mosby and the last little potty break until I end up having to film. So, I’ve got a little time right now so I thought I would give you a call and say Hey, how is your day. I hope everything is going well. Okay, I love you I will talk to you later.

181st Voicemail 6-29-2015 6:03pm

Exasperated sigh back. Okay bye.

182nd Voicemail 6-29-2015 8:30pm

You had asked me to push you. That’s what I’m doing. So quit sending me to voicemail, please. I am pushing you and I am trying to tell you, you need to stop.

183rd Voicemail 6-29-2015 8:31pm

Okay, I’m telling you again I’m pushing you. I need you to stop it please. You don’t need to hang up on you that wasn’t very nice. This is my 5th call, 4th message. I think. Or 3rd. Now I’m confused. Anyway, I’m pushing you. So please call me. Please answer my phone…

184th Voicemail 6-29-2015 8:32pm

Still sending me to voicemail. Okay I don’t know how many times I’m supposed to do this. But I know it will piss you off if I keep doing it. I’m in a catch 22. You say please push me, please push me, please tell me that I’m being a jerk and you need to stop. Okay. I think you are being a jerk and you need to stop. Okay? But I’m not going to push you enough that it’s going to piss you off anymore. Because I know you are already pissed off. Anyway, so there I’ve done my 8 texts, I’ve done my messages.  I don’t know what else to do for you because you are not answering. So…


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172nd Voicemail, 173rd Voicemail, 174th Voicemail, 175th Voicemail June 27th, 2015 – Our Utah Trip Together

Another great day together. I got myself all turned around because it was dark Lol I had no idea where I was going. I went the wrong way off of the mountain so she was trying to help me. But I kept losing internet signal as well as phone signal so I was a little messed up. I figured it out and turned around the right way. It was pretty funny. This was our last night in Utah together. We needed to get home the next day.

So we spent the night together, again 😉

172nd Voicemail 6-27-2015 2:52pm

Baby where did you go? You disappeared on me. Okay. Just seeing if you would answer, alright, sorry.

173rd Voicemail 6-27-2015 6:20pm

My love. Baby I’m here at the amphitheater. And I’m just waiting for you. I hope you’ll come find me. Give me a call okay? I love you.

174th Voicemail 6-27-2015 8:44pm

Love of my life.

175th Voicemail 6-27-2015 8:47pm

Baby I just got your message. There’s no way to drive around in circles. You need to just go up or down. Don’t take any side roads. Just stay on the main road. I don’t even know if you are going to get this message. I don’t even know where you are. Anyway. Just stay on the main road. Just drive. You are going to get to one side of the mountain or other. And then you can GPS your way to wherever way you want to go. Give me a call. I love you. I love you I love you I love you I just do.



156th Voicemail, 157th Voicemail, 158th Voicemail, 159th Voicemail, 160th Voicemail – June 24th, 2015 – Our Utah Trip Together

Meri wanted to have a private spiritual union ceremony together up on the mountain at her favorite place. She said we would promise to someday marry each other and that we would get rings and start to wear them as a symbol of our committment. At this point she wasn’t even wearing her wedding band during filming at all. We talked about doing it but we never did. We spent a lot of time talking and figuring out where we will live, how many kids we wanted. We fell in love all over again on this trip. It was very romantic. The sex was amazing because we could be loud and not worry about anyone in my hotel room knowing it was her. We made love every day, sometimes 3 times a day/night. We had an amazing time together on that trip. I fell in love with her all over again.

156th Voicemail 6-24-2015 12:08am

Baby why aren’t you answering your phone? Listen, you must not have got my text. That was just a cute little conversation that somebody had on Pinterest. It was just a Pinterest thing. And I thought it was just cute because all it was me saying that your smile or my smile is just specificially for you. That’s all it was. It’s just something on Pinterest. Okay? Don’t worry, don’t get funny? Okay? I love you.

157th Voicemail 6-24-2015 12:16am

Okay baby you need to answer the phone. I don’t know what’s going on but you need to stop whatever it is you are thinking and quit going there. Okay? Don’t take this completely out of context it was a thing on Pinterest. You know what? Just call me back okay?

158th Voicemail 6-24-2015 8:45am

Hey I’m not quite sure how long you wanted me to stop calling you. So I’ll just do it this once today until I know that you are ready to talk to me. I don’t know what is going on I’m really, really confused and now you’re not answering this call. I just, I don’t know what is going on. So, anyway,  just know that I am open for a phone call from you whenever you ready. I don’t really have no idea what’s going on at all. So anyway, just know that I love you and you can call me whenever you…

159th Voicemail 6-24-2015 7:01pm

Forgive me for being a nag. It’s been like a half an hour baby. I’m just anxiously awaiting your arrival. Come find me baby.

160th Voicemail 6-24-2015 8:16pm

Hey just letting you know I called. I love you, bye.

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152nd Voicemail, 153rd Voicemail, 154th Voicemail, 155th Voicemail – June 23rd, 2015 – Our Utah Trip Together

This began our first vacation together. We met up and decided to head to the mountains where we could get lost in the trees and no one would know who we were. It was a lot of fun with her showing me around Lehi and the surrounding towns. I was very surprised at her house. The original one that was on the show. They have a renter living upstairs now but we went to the downstairs side, through the back of the house that used to be Christine’s. It was very interesting for me to see a polygamist house. It was in the middle of a remodel so it wasn’t put together but it was different.

152nd Voicemail June 23rd, 2015 12:21am
https://vimeo.com/166276841 (This audio file had to be remade it was corrupted so we moved it to Vimeo)

Hi baby just trying to reach you.

153rd Voicemail 6-23-2015 12:43am


154th Voicemail 6-23-2015 7:01pm

Hey just touching base with you. I’m out of the mountain so anyways give me a call when you can. Okay. Love you, bye.

155th Voicemail 6-23-2015 8:16pm

Hey where are you at, what’s going on, how are you doing? All of that stuff. Anyway, give me a call when you can. Okay I love you, bye.

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146th Voicemail, 147th Voicemail, 148th Voicemail, 149th Voicemail, 150th Voicemail, 151st Voicemail June 22, 2015 – Our Vacation in Utah

I had been talking about my week in Paris work trip for 2 months. Meri decided she wanted to go away for a week to just get her life figured out. She told the family she would be gone, she would not tell them where she was going to be, and she needed time to think. We talked about her coming to Paris with me but my concern was the press people or fans recognizing her and then everyone would know. Then the idea came that we would go somewhere together. I told her go to Utah. We can get lost in the mountains. So she drove up to Utah and stayed in their old house. She stayed in Christine’s apartment, back of the house, downstairs area. I drove up the next day that evening and got a hotel. Meri’s sister lives a few houses down from the old house so she had to be seen staying there at night. Or at least her vehicle there.

146th Voicemail 6-22-2015 12:21am

Hi baby I’m just trying to reach you. Just give me a call if you want to. And, I will talk to you soon. Okay. I love you, bye.

147th Voicemail 6-22-2015 12:24am

Hey. Wanting to talk to you. Call me when you can, okay? Love you, bye.

148th Voicemail 6-22-2015 12:43am

Hey. Just wanted to try to touch base with you. Say goodnight. If you want to. I don’t know if you’ve already gone to bed. So anyway. Talk to you later. Call me (Me beeping in) if you want. Oh look there you are.

149th Voicemail 6-22-2015 1:08am

Baby, where’d you go. I need you. Will you please call me. I need you baby.

150th Voicemail 6-22-2015 7:21am

Hey can you give me a call? Thanks, love you bye.

151st Voicemail 6-22-2015 11:59am

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Do you understand me. I love you.


144th Voicemail, 145th Voicemail – June 21st, 2015

She was getting ready to leave to go up to Utah. This was our planned vacation together. I was trying to get out of work in time to just ride up with her but that didn’t work out at all. So I followed her up to Utah in my own vehicle.

144th Voicemail 6-21-2015 3:38pm

Hey I called. Call me back, okay? Love you, bye.

145th Voicemail 6-21-2015 3:56pm

So sorry for blowing up your phone but I just can’t wait. Please don’t make me wait much longer. Okay? Just call me. I love you babe.