Traveling travelers

Hey guys! I miss you I hope you miss me too. By the amount of messages I just responded to, I’m going to say yes.

First I’m so glad you guys are loving our Periscopes Lol They are really fun to make. It’s a quick way to update everyone on where we are, what we are up to and how the kids are doing. I didn’t realize that would be so popular. We have done those Facebook Live posts but it’s different. Thanks for all the great comments while I’m filming those. We’ve only done 5 so far but I will keep it going since you guys like it so much. For anyone not in our Periscopes, its not under NotbatmanYet. Just ask me for the name and I will send it.

We have been traveling a lot. It’s not even the start of summer but this year we are going everywhere. June 21st is the official start of summer but I feel like we needed to get out of all of this rain and bad weather. It also helps I have my own plane and a girlfriend who absolutely wants to go anywhere we go. She is loving our weekends and so am I. I feel like we are getting closer and more connected every week. We still haven’t exchanged the I love yous yet. I will let you know when that happens. Soon I think, very soon. Stephanie is such a wonderful woman. She is perfect for me. I love hanging out with her as much as possible. We text during the day a little and at night it’s just a given she’s coming over Lol We can’t help it. We are all over each other after the kids go to bed. I never knew my house had so many fun places to have sex Lol We are definitely having fun with that. It’s been a really fun relationship and one I’ve wanted for a while. It sucked being alone with no one to talk to or go do stuff with. She really is making my life happier and fun.

The kids Lol My gosh guys. These kids are growing up so fast. The boys did very well in school. My daughter is going to start next year. I think giving them all a little boost as soon as I can with their education is the best thing.

My work is going great. I work on the emails and I show up at the office maybe once a week to see how things are going. It’s almost like I don’t do anything but cash in fat checks monthly that Lindz is working her ass off to make us. It’s great. I love it.

We have a very heavy travel schedule. This weekend we will be in Miami Beach, Florida. Yes I know some of my beach bum friends will be waiting! I can’t wait to introduce Stephanie to you ladies! I really think you all will get along with her well. I did warn her you ladies love to party and go out turnt up so she’s prepared, I hope. We are leaving when she’s off work. She brought her suitcase over last night so we can leave right from here. I’m taking 1 nanny with me, Heather, she wanted to come. I wonder why, it is the beach Lol

I’m still rocking the no beard look and I did get a new hairstyle, again. Check out our Family Facebook page as well as our new Periscopes. You will either like it or hate it. Let me know. I will update after we get back home. See you guys later, have a wonderful weekend! I love ya’ll!

You can’t fire her, she doesn’t work for us Lol

Edit:

I just went off later on down in this post, so hold on to your hats. I didn’t mean for it to go in that direction, but some times, it just does. Enjoy Lol

So far the book tour is going great. We went to NYC first and had a very surprising and great opening event. We had more than 150 people there. It didn’t seem like that many but most of them got their books, took their photos and left. We had maybe 25 to stay for the Q & A session. I love it when people ask Lindsay questions she won’t answer and they stand there silently waiting for her to say something. She just looks at them and says nothing. I always feel like I need to jump in and say she’s not going to answer that Lol She told me not to because people like that need to learn. I don’t know what that means but I don’t agree. The people were so nice. We only had 2 very rude people and they were both walked out of the store with no book. I do understand that my book is not a thriving tale of humanity however it’s my story and my life experience. You pretty much already know what it’s about before you even meet me so either be nice or get kicked out. Lindsay did tell one lady that was being rude that she was fired and to get out. The lady said you can’t fire me and I said she doesn’t work for us, she said yes she does, she just paid me as an author, that’s her money in my pocket so I can get rid of her. It was hilarious. The other people standing nearby that heard it just laughed and I walked away trying not to stay pissed.

Doing the actual book signings with Lindsay are fun because she starts picking on everyone in a nice way. She asks why the hell did you buy HIS book Lol That gets them laughing or smiling and then she says WHY ONLY 1 of MY BOOK!!! They just laugh. One guy told her she should be an auctioneer because she could heckle people into spending more. She said that’s what her boyfriend was for but thanks. Well actually she said Kthanks, but I wasn’t going to write that.

From New York we went to beautiful Miami. The weather there was MUCH better since we had just gone through a mess up north. We had a very chill and happy book event. The Q & A ran over because we were all having such a good time. The combined our books with 1 other author of a similar subject and all 3 of us fielded questions. The guy knew who we were, had read both of our books, and said he was apprehensive about combining the events. Wait, I just took 4 tries at how to spell combining Lol My brain is not working yet, it’s too early in the morning I guess for me. Thank goodness for spellcheck on this WordPress.

The questions were pretty funny and we were all hamming it up a bit. The jokes are always the same but Lindz and I get in such a rhythm with it we come off as an opening act for a D list comedian. We are funny but not hilariously funny. It helps that Lindsay is so quick-witted.

We left there and went across the street to get something to eat. A few fans followed us and ate with us. It was nice to just sit and relax. We got to hear what people were really thinking about the entire tv show and how much they are surprised on how fake it is.

I have not watched at all this season. It’s not interesting and once you realize it’s a scripted show WITH writers and producers that come up with the scenarios to get their paid reality “actors” to talk about, you realize it’s not real. Meri even told me it’s not really real. It’s a clean version of the truth. Well to me that’s no being real and it’s not even reality. She said the producers pick scenes out and then put the appropriate people in place and say Go. Then they just have to have their conversations and get filmed. Half of the show is canned in editing. The other half they mix together. That’s why you see Robyn’s hair color change 2 or 3 times per show Lol They film things months apart sometimes.

From what I heard Meri and Kody are still in a loveless marriage, nothing has changed. In fact the viewers I talked to said they feel it’s all getting worse. They still have no idea what Kody does for a living and when I explained he has 3 working wives who go earn and his job is to sit down with Janelle once a week to spend the money and allocate it out, that’s all he does. He runs around Las Vegas having “meetings” with people and none of it pans out. They were even looking at a storefront on the Las Vegas strip a few years ago to open up a store and I just laughed. I told Meri that they don’t have enough product to put in there and it was a waste of money. She must have listened because so far, no storefront anywhere.

I guess she bought the old home she was trying to get me to buy for her years ago. I made a few phone calls to inquire who owned it and I told her back then it was for sale at the right price but that I wasn’t interested because it’s not a good investment at all. It’s not going to make enough money to merit its being owned by me or by her. I don’t think she could afford it at the time anyway because she used to cry on the phone to me that she only had $300 left in her checking account. That was shocking to learn but then I realized she doesn’t get her paycheck from the show does, Kody does. He and Janelle dole out the “allowances” for each wife on a monthly basis and only emergencies or unexpected expenses get taken care of. I was shocked to learn that. Why don’t each one get their own paycheck? I mean they have to pay taxes personally each year. The douchebag does not do joint tax filing with anyone but Robyn. Why can’t Meri just have the money she earned? That’s not how polygamy is. If you earn money, you have to get it to the man. He takes it and decided how much you get back. It’s pretty much a Ponzi scheme. The more you can earn on your own, the less you get because the mentality is, you will go earn more for yourself next month. That’s how it was explained to me. I think that’s bs and I really hope she leaves him soon. I was surprised to hear that she’s still there but not at all surprised to learn she has a new boyfriend named Rick up in Utah Lol And people wondered why she bought a business up there. Probably for the cover story of I’m going to check on my business…..uhhhhhh I mean go date and sleep with Rick. I can’t wait for the tabloids to hit that and then everyone will stop calling ME the bad guy. Last I talked to her, she was miserable and upset. Again. I told her sorry to hear it. That was all I had to say to her. I am sorry that her marriage is done and she still tries to pretend she’s apart of that family. She is not helping raise any kids. She didn’t even get invited to see one of the boys come home. How messed up is that? Do you guys realize now, everything I’ve said for 2 and a half years now is the truth? She’s not married. They never had a spiritual wedding or anything AFTER they got the divorce. They are not sealed to each other anymore. It’s over with. So why does she stay?

She has nowhere to go. Where is she going to go? She got nothing in the divorce. No assets. Douchebag’s name is still on HER HOUSE. So she can’t sell it and take all of the money. She also can’t sell it because no one wants to life in between a cult and a 50-year-old fat guy with comb over patchy bowling flop hair running in between homes, or 18 kids running around the yards. She can’t move back to Utah because according to what I hear they are in “fear of arrest” Lol Come on. Could that show get anymore fake? None of them have ever been in fear of actual arrest. They do that kind of thing for ratings. Just like the whole FAKE catfish story. It’s all fake to get ratings. It worked, it got a whole bunch of people to go OH NO, I need to watch to see if they get arrested. The truth is, it’s a ploy. They trick viewers into believing one thing to sell their agenda. The agenda is this is a normal, happy family, they just happen to have 4 wives.

The truth of that show is that they have 1 husband that’s completely selfish, arrogant, and generally doesn’t care. His grammar is worse than mine but at least I don’t sit here and make up long words. Lol As you guys know I struggle to remember how to spell combining. His first wife wants to be with him and he could care less. He wouldn’t have more babies with her, has to attend therapy any time she wants to talk to him Lol The second wife is out of shape but selling you all tips on how to start to get into shape. Not actually getting in shape. We heard of tabloids boasting about her amazing weight loss and when I asked the viewers at lunch if she had lost any weight they just laughed and said no. So again, Janelle is in a deep emotional, non-verbal coma and completely clueless of what goes on beyond her sofa and tv shows. Christine is the conductor on some crazy train going to loony toons. Everyone told me they think she does things to get attention and I said no she does things to get HIS attention because he doesn’t pay attention to her at all. She acts like that so that he has to talk to her and tell her to calm down. Then we have poor Robyn. According to what we heard she was in such fear of arrest she didn’t go protest with the family. That’s unity, right? She runs the entire family from her tater tot castle and doles out what everyone needs to do to get along. They all come to Robyn who is now 6 years into this family, instead of going to Meri who emotionally checked out years before I met her. Robyn is the favorite. Meri told me that. It’s easier for her to get along with Kody because he doesn’t hide how much he loves and adores her. She is the one that he confides in and it’s really Robyn that runs things, not Kody. She says she’s an equal part but that’s a bigger lie than when she was on the 3 way call with Kendra listening in to me talk and flipping out right after the call ended, then reversed all of that and jumped on the I’m a fake person bandwagon. Kendra told Lindsay that the other day and I was not surprised. Robyn is full of s*** and the more you step back to look at the situation the more you see what an opportunist she is. She was broke, living and working far below her wants and she met a guy who promised her the world from the first date. She had someone who could help her financially take care of her and her 3 kids who she was left to raise. Some women do that. They settle for the guy that steps up. The only problem is he wasn’t stepping up as a family man. He was stepping up as a horny old fart who saw a semi-attractive female with an eating disorder who needed love. If you really think they waited 6 months to have sex and be married think again Lol That show is as fake as his poor dying hair cells. If you don’t watch it, good. If you do, enjoy the last season because they just got replaced. Polygamy can work with the right mindset. It can’t work with zero leader and patriarch who actually wants a real family. Not just 18 little tax deductions. And that guy actually said that. I have my kids because in my heart I have always wanted each and every one of them. I would never insult their existence by calling them a tax deduction. I also wouldn’t go on Twitter and tell some woman to Can it and call her a Jack wagon. That’s how he treats strangers, you can start imagining the abuse he doles out to his “wives”, I mean his wife Robyn and his 3 mistresses.

I’m happy for Meri and Rick. I hope Rick gets her away from that douchebag Kody.

I’m happy to be in Cleveland today and be at 2 book signing events. It’s not really good weather here so we won’t be expecting a huge crowd but I will be happy to buy ANYONE that shows up some coffee because the book store we are in has a coffee bar Lol That’s a little incentive to get you down to see me. Come on down Cleveland, FREE COFFEE!

I’ve ranted enough today. My wife will be pissed when she reads this, thankfully the time difference will delay her reading it Lol

Have a good one!

Miami is nice so I’ll say it Thrice

Miami Beach, Florida, where should I start? We actually left on time for once. That was a miracle. We got to the airport. Sarah dropped us off and gave us deuces as she spend off into a quiet weekend alone. I loaded all of the bags (7 of them) into the plane got my boys situated and made sure my dog was in his crate all snug. Then it was time to fire up my Cessna and get the show on the road. My wife sat up front with me as we flew the friendly skies. It was a beautiful flight down. We talked about the clouds and a lot of things I didn’t know she knew about. She was getting a little frisky in the cockpit and I was squirming and telling her to stop! I take flying very seriously and I was carrying precious cargo.

We got into our family condo late Friday night. I set the nannies up in the 2 condos next door so they finally ended up in their own rooms. That was helpful. Plus it didn’t cost me a dime so go for it, ladies. Then we got the boys ready for bed and I took my beautiful, sexy wife out for a night on the town. We hit up 2 clubs and ended our night at a local bar. We danced, shared some strawberries and cantaloupe then made our way back to our place. The boys were still sleeping which was a huge plus. Then 5am came way too early and Heston decided he was ready to get up. I tried everything to get him to go back down but he wasn’t having it. Brandi came over to take her morning shift and was as grumpy as I was. I decided to get showered and get ready for the day instead of going back to bed. I sat on the bed to get my watch on and my wife pulled me back into bed Lol She said where do you think you are going mister. I just laughed and fell backwards so she could smother me in kisses and arms all over me. It was hilarious. My dog thought so too he jumped up on the bed and started slobbering all over us. He loves jumping in on anything.

I got up and got breakfast started. By then Alex was up and he was crabbbbbbbbbbbbyyyy. Wow. He was not happy. I wonder if it was the flight down or the ocean air. I don’t know. Either way it took him about an hour to get out of his pissy mood.

The rest of Saturday was all about beach things. Sitting on the beach reading, playing in the ocean with the boys. Coming in to shower, eating on our balcony looking over the beach. Everything beach. It was very chill. Just what I needed. My wife didn’t even look at her phone. She said she needed to unplug. She only used it to take photos or vids and even told me Uh uh when I tried to text someone. We really did have a lot of fun. That afternoon we did go see a movie. We took the boys to a show. That actually worked out great because they both fell asleep. I really thought the laughing would wake them up but it didn’t. As soon as the lights went out they both passed out. They didn’t even wake up until I put them in their car seats.

Sunday we all went to Church. After that we went back to the condo to change and headed back down to the beach. My wife was looking so damn sexy in her bikini. I kept going over to her and giving her a kiss or a hug. I kept telling her how good she looked. She would grin and do a little twirl or kick a foot up in the air. One time I fell into her while she was in the water and kept telling her naughty things Lol She said later! It was so much fun. We both just grinned the rest of the day.

We got home really late tonight. That’s the problem I always mean to get us home at a decent hour but it’s usually around 10 or 11 at night. I know, bad Sam but we had fun.

Now next weekend is my wife’s first mother’s day being a mama. My boys and I have been working really, really hard on her present. I asked if she wanted to go out-of-town and she said no. She wants to spend it at the lake house that way she can go see her mom later in the day. Her family is planning a big cook out at her parents’ new house near by us. We have a full weekend planned with gifts, spa treatments, massages, and other things for my wife. I want it to be very special. I know my boys won’t remember this one but at least they can enjoy the very first mother’s day gift they got for her later on. It’s a timeless gift. I hope she likes it. We all worked hard on it. And it wasn’t easy.

I hope everyone had a beachy weekend like we did. I will update more when I get time. I hope ya’ll get a good night’s sleep and will be ready for a bright, awesome Monday! I love ya’ll. God loves you too!

Happy Friday and travel day

My beautiful wife has decided we all need a weekend in Miami Beach, Florida. Just in time to enjoy our family condos before my entire family decides to come “summer” there, like the past 40 something years. She coordinated everything and has it all planned out. My plan is to sit my ass in the ocean and play with my boys while watching my wife walk around in a very skimpy bikini. When she showed me what she was going to wear I said whatever you want, Yes Lol It was a very easy decision. Then she tried it on for me and that was the end of all conversations 😉

Checking the weather there will be a little rain when we get there tonight but after that sunny skies in the low 80s all weekend. I am NOT doing a book signing there. Thank goodness. The publisher already asked and I said no.

This trip my wife is not loading us up on sites to see. This is one spot we all have been to several times. She even said she doesn’t need or want to go shopping because she just got a bunch of new stuff from her favorite stores. Glad to know my wallet will be staying in my pocket this weekend. I invited Lindsay and Dave but she will be in Sacramento all weekend finishing up some house flips we have near there. Sarah doesn’t want to go which is fine. The other 2 are excited to join us and have already worked out the weekend schedule Sarah made for them. And we are bringing my pup Sam jr. We also will be traveling with security but only 2 guys this time. It’s easier for them to drive us around and make sure we are all safe than it is for me to try to handle everything and drive. I’m trying to get my wife and boys used to a security team. When we move to Paris we will have them on staff 24/7. It’s just the smart thing to do right now with all the senseless violence going on there. Speaking of that.

We have been house hunting online for a house in Paris. This will be the very first home my wife and I pick out together. She loves my 3 homes now but she said it will be nice to start fresh. Most of my furnishings we are selling very cheaply to her family and friends or giving some of it to my friends. Either way almost all of my stuff will be gone. I’m okay with it other than my personal items and my huge Batman collection. Batman is coming to Paris with us, that was non-negotiable. My wife said I was cute for wanting my toys to come with me. Batman is not a toy! He’s a Super Hero that saved thousands of lives! And who can forget batkid? How inspirational was that? You can take the American out of the U.S.A. but you can’t take the Batman out of the American Lol

Let’s see what else. Oh yes, work is stressful and busy lately. I haven’t had to travel much this week and I’m happy for that. I have enough things to catch up on. I’m happy to say my emails are finally all caught up. If you did not receive a reply, sorry either Lindsay deleted it or I did. My inbox right now is at 0 so if you wanted to send me one, please do. I would love to hear from all of you.

Things are pretty great right now. My wife and I are still over the moon in love and laughing every single day. She is really funny. I like her little dance moves when she gets some exciting news from work. I also like when she does sweet things for my boys like read to them or snuggle them at night. It just proves over and over I did end up with the right woman. I knew from the beginning she was someone to hold on to but I was too scared to really try again. Relationships are hard. This one is very easy. I think it’s because we both know who we are and admitted to all of our mistakes up front. She has become baby obsessed and wants a baby now. Believe me, I’m trying Lol It will happen on God’s terms, not ours. I also am excited for our adopted daughter to come into our life sometime this year. We have been in heavy discussions and we think we will hit the green light some time in September. It feels right and it gives my boys enough time to grow up a little more. It has been such a debate with my whole family and hers. When should we adopt? Should we wait. Everyone has an opinion. The truth is I know I want a daughter. I always have. I loved having sons first but I’m already in love with the idea of a daughter. Having 2 brothers will help her out a lot. When it happens it will be another best day of our lives and I know we will adjust and make her feel at home from the first minute she’s with us. I just want things to go smoothly. I really think by September things will calm down and I will find myself ready and able to welcome our newest child.

I hope everyone has a great #TGIF. We are leaving tonight after work. It’s not that long of a flight down there. I can’t wait to land. I love that airport. I get so excited on approach. We are going to have a very chill, fun weekend and I will try to update more on Monday. I love ya’ll. Enjoy your weekend!

#PrayForLondon

First I would like to say we all love London. I’ve been there several times and I really hope everyone that has been injured or involved is okay. It’s scary to be out of town and your phone News app keeps buzzing. I use CNN’s app and they usually have Breaking News that isn’t exactly breaking news. Yesterday I was glad to keep getting updated every hour or so. There is never a good reason for violence. That being said the violent people will not stop no matter what. They feel it’s their destiny I guess and it must be fulfilled. Scary stuff. Support London, show your love for them and do in your prayers what God needs from you.

Yesterday I went to Miami, Florida for a work trip. My buddy went with me because he had the day off of work. We had a great time. I dropped him off at a huge shopping center so he could waste some time. It’s near where my meeting was so it was convenient for us both. The meeting went well but we agreed not to do business together. They want a bigger price for a property that I’m not that interested in. They wouldn’t sell me the smaller buildings as a package deal. They wanted me to buy the whole thing and I don’t have use for it. Or the desire to go back and forth about it. Either way check mark that off of my To Do list and it was time to go have some fun.

I picked him up close to noon. We went to eat at my favorite restaurant and he didn’t mind it was all vegan food. He said it was really fresh tasting. Yes, all vegan food is. We got full and decided to hit the links. I like to play golf but golf doesn’t like me. The ball doesn’t go where I intend it to so I spend half of the time cussing at myself quietly and then trodding off to find my ball. I won’t even embarrass myself further by telling you my score. It doesn’t matter anyway but he won. So I bought dinner. We got cleaned up and headed out to a seafood place (Yuck). The smell of fish always sours my stomach. The veggies were really tasty and I loved my salad. The chef made a lemon blend dressing that I wish I had the recipe for. It was really good. He got whatever kind of fish he wanted and enjoyed his meal. After that we decided to go downtown and check out a few other stores. I bought some gifts to take home. He bought a few books he found interesting and then we decided to head home much later than I expected. I know this because my wife called and said “Where are you guys” I always get that Uh Oh feeling when she wants me home and I’m nowhere near home Lol I said we will be home in a few hours. She said “You aren’t back in Chicago?” No dear, not yet. She was surprised but not mad. She wanted me to stop and pick up a few things for her which I did.

The flight home was so awesome. I love flying at night. It’s not something I do often because we try to get the babies home before dark. I’ve taken my wife on a few flights at night just to be romantic. She loves seeing things from above ground and thinks it’s cool that we can go anywhere we want at anytime.

I stopped to pick up what she needed. I bought one of the wrong brands but she was fine with it. Then I took a shower and we went to bed. There is nothing better than crawling into bed and throwing my arm around my wife. Makes me feel at home. She snuggles into me and we talk a little more before I give her a quick kiss then roll over. I get way too hot and need my space. She feels the same way. A few minutes of all tangled up then get off Lol

I slept like a log. I guess getting home to late wore me out. I got up at 5 this morning. Prayers, meditation, workout and now this. I have to go wake my wife up in 10 minutes so I need to get her coffee started.

Hope everyone is having a great work week. It’s supposed to be 72 here tomorrow. Can you believe that? Wow. I will take the boys to Grant Park tomorrow after work if that’s true. That would be fun. We could do a picnic or something fun with them. And my dog would love that. He is too friendly and loves to meet new people. Don’t work too hard and if you have sunny weather get out there today and enjoy it. I will update more this week. We have a very fun weekend planned I want to tell you guys about.

God loves you and I love ya’ll too!