3 Booking signings, 2 WTF’s, and an Uber No

Yesterday Lindsay and I packed ourselves up and flew up to Milwaukee. We had our first joint book signing event. We had a nicer crowd then I have ever gotten before. The book store manager told us around 85 people showed up plus those lingering around until after so they could ask questions and take photos. Lindsay was extremely calm which surprised me. I really thought she would get asked 2 questions and announce she was done Lol She was actually…nice. I asked her what was wrong was she dying and she said no I am getting paid to not destroy these people so I better just shut up. Good point. We are getting paid a LOT of money for this tour. We stayed and did the photos. We answered a bunch of questions most of them were for her. You guys want to know what the #1 question people asked us? They asked Lindsay how she got so many troll accounts suspended on Twitter. She told them all exactly how to do it. I didn’t realize how easy it was. Lindsay is a confirmed 150 + account killer. It’s one of the main reasons Twitter won’t touch my account. Also because I never reply. By proving all of their lies, harassment, and targeting is 1 sided, Twitter protects me and my account. Keep in mind I’m also not doing anything that violates their TOS so there’s that also. Who knew if you are a good person with a great reputation and a ton of followers you can grow a community of fans. Someone suggested we start a Youtube Channel together because we really were pretty funny. We have been friends for 22 years now. She knows every thought in my head it’s almost like she can read my mind. I can’t say the same for her because if ya’ll knew her you would know how completely random she is. For example, we ordered an Uber to get us from the airport to the book store downtown. She opened the door to get in the Uber while I was putting my backpack in the trunk and she closed the door and said grab your bag, this is a No. ????WHAT???? What do you mean this is a no? This is our ride. She said we’re taking a cab, just go.

She said she opened a portal of the 4th level of stank and the cab smelled exactly like burnt grease and nasty socks. She said the guy looked like Bucky from BuckBuckShow Lol I have no idea what that even means. In fact I even googled that and I don’t think that’s a real show. She said she told him No thanks, told me to get my bag and had to scuba breathe for 10 minutes to get that smell out of her nose. It must have been really bad. Sorry Uber guy, but your rating was really bad from us. Clean up your ride. Take a shower. Something.

We grabbed something to eat and flew out to Los Angeles. We got there on time and had about 20 minutes before the event started. So I started shopping for books for my kids. Lindsay said don’t but I didn’t listen and the next thing I knew I was getting surrounded by people. They asked if I was “Him” Lol What does that mean? I do have a name and no it’s not the name Trolls call me. Yes I’m Samuel, hello. Easy to spot me I’m 6’6″. I put the 2 books I had back and walked back over to the signing area. Lindsay said I told ya and that’s what you get. It was fine. I was only a little taken by surprise.

Huge crowd thanks LA! We had 190 at the first LA event and 260 at the second. The 2nd event was at their sister book store that was not too far away. I think it’s weird to own 2 book stores that close together but this is also where they literally have a Starbucks or a McDonald’s every 3 miles. I’m not kidding.

We finished up both events. The plan was to stay the night in LA and maybe go do something fun. She said she was over it (Of course) and wanted to just fly over to Lincoln, Nebraska. I know she only did that so we wouldn’t have to get up really early to leave. Oh and she also said let’s buzz into Vegas she forgot her “good sunglasses”. I said I will buy you some. She said they don’t make them anywhere here she got them in Egypt. Yeah, I know. It’s always complicated with her. For example, (Again), one time she literally threw a sack full of sausage biscuits at a girl because she forgot to put in napkins. I think there was more to it but by the time I went inside to see what was taking so long all I saw was the bag flying and the girl yelling at her. That was a fun morning, not really.

So we went to LV, made it to Drew’s house around 3am and I’m already up. I miss my niece and nephew so much. Drew’s kids are getting so big! I can’t wait until the wake up for school so I can see them. Drew had each of our rooms ready and thank goodness he remembered to make my room on the opposite side of the house than hers. In fact he put her upstairs and told her don’t wake up the kids. She didn’t so that’s good.

Today we have 2 book signings. Tomorrow we have 2 more and then we go to Cleveland to end our tour. This tour is very nice. We are having a lot of fun and I’m doing my best not to get angry or pissy with Lindsay treating me like her butler.

I think I hear the kids. I’m going to go say hi.

Have a great work day guys!

Summerfest or bust

Summferest-2016-logo-with-dates  Today the weather is so good all of my plans went out the window and we’re going to do what Sarah wants us to do. So we’re going to Summerfest in Milwaukee all day! I told her last week we would go if the weather wasn’t hot for the twins. Dang my luck it’s perfect Lol 75 with a breeze down by the lake. She woke me up this morning for Church and said we’re going to Summerfest. We are? Okay I guess.

The plan is to hang out all day. When the boys get tired and need to go home we will take them back then Brandi and I will drive back up so her and I can hit the Tim McGraw concert tonight. That’s at 7:30pm. Should be a great concert. I’m not a country music fan but I do like him. My lakehouse isn’t too far from the fest at all so it will be fun.

The girls and I are going to pig out. I’m going to skip the vegan diet for today because I actually do love fair food Lol I can’t help it. I know it’s bad but I want to try some of the new treats this year. Should get interesting. I asked Sarah how much does she eat at a festival and she died laughing. I asked Brandi how much she eats and she said everything that’s on a stick Lol How funny!

Church was amazing this morning. We are getting the boys dressed and packed up for the day. I can’t wait to see how much cool stuff is at Summerfest this year. Hope everyone has a great day and I will write more tomorrow!

God love you and I love ya’ll too!

What a week, huh


Good morning from my beautiful lakehouse in Lake Forest, Illinois. My phone says Cloudy today. It’s currently 45 degrees. The high will be 52. It is May 14th, right? The weather so far has been weirder than the Soprano’s finale. I just don’t know and I can’t even. Did I use that right? Probably not. I’m now a dad meaning any and all trendy catchphrases must be used to both embarrass and prove I am still “hip” and “cool” Lol I fully intend on mortifying my boys with Dad jeans, blaring my Bon Jovi cd’s and asking their friends if they want to see my rad tattoos!

The voicemails, well at least the ones that I will release publicly, are almost done. After that I will never publish another voicemail ever again in my entire life. Screenshot that one, folks. There won’t be a reason to. After the voicemails, we (Meaning Lindsay) will finish this off by posting the phone call log to prove I did not call her at all after we broke up, as  well as the last set of text messages. And then I will write the world’s longest blog post to explain all of this once and for all. I will leave that up for an undetermined time and then I will be erasing this all off. I don’t need it, I don’t want it, it will have served it’s purpose soon enough.

And I’m kind of over myself when it comes to this story. I am proud of how I have handled myself. It’s not been easy or fun. I have learned


And I’m happy now. I wasn’t happy for a while after we broke up. Months. But now, today, I am happy and at peace with my decisions. I told my story, my way. I didn’t cash out and sell any of it. The problem is this. This story won’t bleep word go away. So I embraced it. I had no other choice. Ignoring all of this would not have helped me at all. I would have only created more problems for myself and honestly, for her. This way, she gets her ratings she is after, she gets public sympathy, she gets to see everyone call me an Asshole online, everyday, and I get to spend the rest of my life wondering what it would have been like had we made it out of this together like we planned. She is fine. She wanted his attention, she got it. I’m not saying she used me. I know she loved me. After over 300 voicemails in total, does anyone doubt that Meri did in fact love me? Either way, she is fine. She is happy where she is at and things are getting better in her life, I assume. I don’t know and I can’t even.

So now, the big tv reporters are aching to talk to me. NBC contacted me, Fox contacted me, and yesterday CBS got involved. Some are just local affiliates wanting to come to my office and interview me. It is tempting and my lawyers are all contemplating what to do. If I am going to talk, if I am going to put my butt in the chair in front of a camera for the 3rd time, (One previous Las Vegas NBC interview with Lindsay, One interview with the 5 screenwriters) now would be the time. Otherwise the moment will be gone and I may regret it. Then again, I have these 2 innocent little babies who were born into my scandal. My twins haven’t even been legally adopted yet so my court case may or may not be impacted by any and all things I say on tv or even on here. That is a heavy price to pay. It’s also something my lawyers brought up.

And do I really want to expose my entire life to the world? Do any of you really care who I am? I will be looked at and go Oh, there he is, he is real. And then that’s about it. No big shocking reveal, no big ambush on Meri in front of the cameras. It will be a huge let down because I am actually male and I am actually Samuel Lol Even having to type that is ridiculous.

There was a very sleazy tv group of people who mentioned all 5 Brown adults will be in Chicago at Soldier Field sometime in July to promote their shows with other TLC shows and it would be the best idea to ambush all of them so they could film it. You people are blocked from my email and cellphone. You disgust me and what the hell is wrong with you? Why would that be a good idea? So I can further embarrass her and cause a huge mess? No thank you. By then this story will be over and old news. No one will care. There is zero chance she will meet up with me then. There is zero chance she will talk to me then. There is zero chance of anymore Samuel and Meri. Zero.

As this story is wrapping up I’m trying to make a list of all the key points I want to make. And there are many. The most important point I would like to share right now. I completely fell in love with her. Just her, for who she is. I never cared about the show. We barely talked about it because for one, it involves her husband so why would I want to hear about that? And two, I don’t care about that show. I wasn’t really a fan. I didn’t watch more than 10 episodes total if that is even accurate. I don’t watch it now, I won’t watch it unless Lindsay, Kendra or my lawyers call and say you better watch this one. Then of course I will. But so far everyone is saying it’s not worth it. And believe me I am hearing about it anyway Lol

So I downloaded the Crowdfire app on my phone. It was supposed to help me boost up my tweet about my book. That’s all I wanted it to do. 1 tweet. What happened is my entire Twitter account has been taken over daily by all of these weird accounts. I let it go thinking this Crowdfire is great! Look at how many people are interested in my book. But no. Those are spammed up accounts adding to my account to boost those numbers. I can’t even get to the accounts I actually like. I have 10 accounts I liked to read everyday. I can’t find them now. The app is awesome, it makes it easy to add and delete people, but you do have to put work into it. Otherwise it will spam your account with things you don’t want. I have muted over 4200 accounts. I have blocked probably another 100 of the sexually graphic accounts that added themselves to mine. That’s what I get for trying to promote my book.

I am at the lakehouse now. I was in Milwaukee, Wisconsin for 2 days this week at a seminar. It was fun and boring. I had to sit on a panel on Thursday for an hour talking about commercial investing and answering questions. I probably talked 30 minutes out of that hour and the other 4 guys split the rest. People kept asking me about my casino investments. Guys, I literally fell ass backwards into that. I have invested in 5 casinos now and we are barely showing any profits because they are all so new. The casino business is going to crap right now because of Macau. Some guy Lindsay was talking to said to me Nice watch, what is that. I told him, showed him, and he said if you have a watch like that you don’t happen to have an extra $5 million dollars lying around do you? No I don’t, well technically I do, so we started talking. He was an investment broker for SLS. That was the very first one we bought into. The next was MGM, then Circus Circus Reno, now revamped, then Wynn, and now Encore. Please keep in mind we have very, very, very small percentages in those. Very small. You can read why we got into it last year in September, 2015: http://www.nasdaq.com/article/las-vegas-gaming-gains-unable-to-offset-macau-losses-cm517027 so they wanted to know how much, what have I earned, what the difference is between business investment and casino investment. I was over myself then too Lol After a half hour I had a headache and decided to shut up. Then I spent the next day deciding at what point I was going to get up and leave to ditch the rest of the seminar. Most of the people who attended are investment folks I have known for years and I heard a few of them say “There goes Coop again” as I was making my ninja like exit Lol I am famous for ditching these things the second day. I get what I need out of it or make my appearance, then I want to go see the city I’m in. Shelly even asked me if I really needed a hotel room or not because she figured I would leave the first night Lol I stayed this time! Sort of. I left around 10 or 11 I think it was.

I’m home. With my boys. I just fed them and they are sleeping. When they get up it will be time to change them and then I will throw down a few blankets and pillows and lay on the floor to play. They are awesome and don’t do much just yet. I am told as we hit the 4 month mark that’s when things get fun. And of course that will be when we are 1 nanny down so good luck to all of us on the team. I can’t believe they are almost 3 months old already. It flies by!

I love my boys. They really are perfect. They make me so happy.

I hope ya’ll have a great weekend. I don’t know if I will write again later or tomorrow. Not sure. We are going to get groceries later on then I’m cooking a huge Mexican feast for the girls and Cam. He wanted me to make him my grandmother’s enchiladas before he has to go to work at his bar tonight. Cooking meat is about the last thing I ever want to do. It smells so bad to me. I can’t stand it. But it is a great recipe and I haven’t made it in about a month. I love to cook. It lets me be creative and also show people you really can eat healthy food. If they just put down the meat!

God loves you and I love ya’ll too!