I cried in the elevator today. Kevin was with me. Nothing was said, no music was playing to provoke it. I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. He did what any good dude would do, he asked if I was alright, told me to suck it up, and then stood in silence as we rode the rest of the floors up to my office. I sucked it up before the doors opened, immediately went into my office and closed the doors for 10 minutes. I don’t even know what to say to myself about it. I am so embarrassed.
I think I figured out that sadness deep in my chest. At lunch I was eating and reading my Bible passage for the day. It usually uplifts me to the point I stand up, walk around a little and get ready to hit the second part of my day. Today it’s all been about listening to everyone and making decisions together. Everyone can tell I’m not myself. I’m not happy. Today I’m not even smiling.
I had to take a walk outside and just get some fresh air. Then I remembered a chapter from a book in my office that I love. And wanted to share the pages from that section.
I have to learn how to love myself again. Because this has broken me. This helped me figure out my sadness and why I was not even loving myself anymore. It’s all about who your happiness belongs to. And as I reminded myself in this chapter, it belongs to me.