Rio Olympics! I want a light up Jacket!

Like 2 locusts that emerge from a dirty life and in need of some glory, Lindsay and I have once again made our way to the Olympics. We are really excited this year. We got into Rio last night. Here is a quick wiki summary of the Olympics this year.

 

  • Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
  • August 5, 2016
  • August 21, 2016
  • 207 nations, 8,255 confirmed athletes (more than 10,500 expected)
  • 306 in 28 sports

all_iconsIn case you have no idea of what some of these are here is the list of the sports being played.

We are here to watch her cousin practice for the Equestrian stuff. We won’t be able to stay to watch her compete. It’s all very thrilling. We met up with her and a few other Olympic atheletes last night for a few hours. She told us where to eat. We tried to sneak into the Olympic village but that place is on lockdown. We couldn’t get in. So we stood outside of it and started calling out random Olympian names that we knew or made up. We did see a lot of people. And we had no idea who they were. Yet! I know some of the folks we took pictures with will be very famous shortly.

We are on a mission to eat and rest because the Opening Ceremony is tonight and I can not wait! We will be Periscoping it on Lindsay’s channel. This will be fun! We have already made 15 Periscope videos with different Olympians. Still not really sure who any of them are yet but I wish everyone the best of luck.

GO TEAM USA!!! Your outfits for tonight look weird Lol I can’t believe that’s our design. It’s Polodiculous! It looks like my closet in college.

We were told to keep our passes and landyards tucked into our shirts when we are not near the Olympic areas because people are stealing them right off of your neck. You MUST BRING ID everywhere. It’s a requirement. Happy to show that driver’s license photo off (Not really) to people in another country.

So honored to see all we can for the next 4 days. Then we have to get back home. Lindsay is not drinking alcohol. Which is weird because every time we come to Brazil she has gotten wasted and sloppy. This might actually be a lot more fun than I thought.

USA USA USA USA!

 

Greece Bus Tour Day 7- Meteora

greece-map_cropped Final adventure day! Yay! Right?

I didn’t mean to say it outloud it was one of those private thoughts but it came out a little louder than I thought.

I want off this f-bomb bus!

I said it Lol I had enough of everyone talking shit about me, the tour and all the things we were supposed to be enjoying! Where did all the fun go? Did we really leave the good times back in Athens? Is my family really this ungrateful? They haven’t paid for anything at all! Nothing. Not even a bottle of water. I made sure of that. We had no food on the bus. We had a long bus ride that day and we had no snacks. That was not all my fault. I tried! I tried really hard to find some place but the town was big and crazy. I got lost a few times. I had no sunglasses! I was not feeling it!

We found out that Meteora was probably the monastery capital of the world because we toured 4 of them. It was really interesting. The hills were beautiful and a lot of climbing but it was worth it. So beautiful. I really got some good shots. We learned a lot about the area and asked a bunch of questions that never got answered. We held onto the hope that I would be able to find some food for the ride back. My Aunt, the one that wandered off came back with a box of cereal. We all chanted her name like she just won an Olympic event! She grinned and passed the box around. It was empty within 5 minutes. We had a 5 hour bus ride back to Athens. I told our english speaking guide we need to stop someone to eat or it’s going to be a mess. He didn’t believe me. We never stopped.

The bus driver drove right passed the 3 places our guide told him to stop. They got into a shoving match. Keep in mind the bus driver is still driving the bus but he stood up, shoved the guide then did the come at me bro with his hands waving at chest level. Finally he sat back down and hurled us away from on coming traffic Lol Now this was living!

On the way back to Athens my Uncle started the crowd to plot my death. Apparently the whole reason half of my family agreed to come with me (By the way, they all invited themselves when I told them I was taking Drew and his family to Greece this year) is because they wanted to go to Sparta. Sparta. You mean to tell me you wanted to go to Sparta and I’m just now finding this out. On the last day on this bus tour? We were close to Sparta on Day 2 Lol Why didn’t anyone tell me.

So I let them have it. You ungrateful shits! I have done my best to do everything you all wanted. I have run myself ragged trying to find food and water. And your dried olive snacks that you all got addicted to! I am doing my best here. And now you are revolting because I didn’t take you to Sparta. Son of a ……

My Aunt stood up and told me to go sit at the front of the bus. I was in a timeout. Fine by me. Lol F all of you, F this bus. I’m done! DONE!

So now no one was talking to me. Not even the bus driver. He just looked at me and laughed a few times.

Before we got off the bus in Athens I stood up and apologized. And told them I had lost my mind 3 days ago and was stressed out. I missed my boys and just wanted to see them. No one said a word. Nothing. Great the silent treatment.

So we got off this bus for the last time, waved goodbye and as it pulled away my Aunt said I think I left my phone on there Lol So I ran as fast as I could and smacked the side of it. We looked and looked and out of nowhere she shouts oh it’s right here, duh, sorry!

We walked into the last hotel and just deflated. We all got cleaned up, met downstairs and I took them to a really nice nearby restaurant. We finally started laughing again and having a good time. They were all doing their best impressions of my flip out which was fun and uncomfortable to see. Drew added in throwing a water bottle on the floor which I did not do but it made his wife and kids laugh really hard so it was worth it. Yes, I flipped out in Greece. I couldn’t help it. You guys weren’t on that bus! The smell, the lack of food, the attitudes. It was too much.

We woke up the next day excited to get on the plane and go. But not until I checked us all out and found out my Uncle ordered Greek porn at the tune of $15/show Lol I didn’t say a word I just handed him the bill and said I paid for this. He said Oh and shoved it in pocket. Yeah, oh. Dirty Uncle Lol

We flew back into NYC and parted ways. Everyone else was flying into Lincoln, Nebraska. I was going home to Chicago. And I had the best time being completely alone finally. They were all Drew’s responsibility. I told him good luck. He hugged me and said we really did have fun, thanks bro. And his kids hugged me and kissed my cheeks telling me how much fun it was. Even though I flipped out. I said Hey guys at least I didn’t touch a goat’s butthole and they both cracked up!

I made it home finally. I met Sarah. She said you smell. I said I know I’m sorry. I got home, took a shower right away and went right into the nursery. My beautiful baby boys had both grown. I cried. I did not realize how much I would miss them. It was hard being without them. They woke up and I held them both for an hour. I didn’t want to let them go. They were smiling and laughing. They were babbling away telling me all about their days with their cousins. I kissed on them, held them, and then we got them fed and back to bed. It was weird changing diapers again without having done it for over a week. I have gotten really good at it. I can get butts cleaned up fast, wipe everything really good and get the diaper on like a baby pit crew member.

I will NEVER take my Aunts and Uncles on another vacation the rest of my life. I told them all that too. Then I started getting the thank you cards with photos they had gotten doubles of. And I felt bad. We really did have a trip of a lifetime and these are memories that have no price. My Aunts and Uncles are all crazy and annoying but I love them and I am really, really blessed to have that time with them.

I am really humbled by how much they appreciated the whole trip. The letters and cards were so nice.

I think they faked it Lol

 

Greece Bus Tour Day 6 – Kalambaka

Kalambaka_Greece.gif The hunger pains were hitting all of us. I was looking at tree leafs and wondering if I boiled them would they flavor the water enough for me to be able to sustain my life. It was bad. This bus was driving erratic, going nowhere, and really giving us so little time to see anything good. We were cattle and we were being herded daily. It didn’t set in until Day 5, DAY 5! that I was in charge of a group of whiners. Even the kids turned on me and they love me like they love all of their toys.

We got in late, slept in late and no one was happy. There was mutiny. The bus rides were bumping, every time our driver would fling the wheel one side or the other the entire bus would swoon. I’ve seen women swoon, swans swoon, but a bus? This was new. This bus ride to the first stop was taking forever and I was hearing about it. We all decided 8 days was way too long for a vacation. I asked them all to just gut it out the last few days. I would make sure when we got home that everyone went to a spa and got massages or something. Anything. Just please stop complaining!

In Kalambaka there are a ton of places to do stuff. Hiking, walking, photography tours. You name it. And to Drew and his wife’s amusement, several monasteries. This is when both parents banded together against their kids and really threatened to leave them there Lol It was mean. Every time Drew’s son even looked at a girl or woman his mom would say that’s it, you are staying here and living in that monastery! And the daughter was getting the worst of it. Drew kept asking her if she liked boys. She said yes and he would say that’s it! You are living in the monastery! It was funny the first 3 minutes, not the next 3 hours.

We were struggling to find food for the bus. The snack places were harder and harder to find. We found restaurants. But no small grocery stores. One of us found a bag of oranges. It was the highlight of the day. We all shared which was nice but then the bickering started over who got the bigger orange piece Lol I could not win!

The photos I had been taking were coming out amazing. I bought a digital camera and every night I unloaded them onto my Macbook to see what I had. I was getting really good at adjusting the settings on it. My close up photos were all in focus. My far way photos came out great in panoramic view. Things were okay. And my selfies were making me laugh. All of my photos are on my Facebook. My family and friends have been having a great time looking at them and commenting. It’s been a lot of fun. I still need to upload them onto Flickr so I never lose them but I need to do that later next week.

2 more days on this bus I wasn’t sure we were going to make it. The only hope we had left was to get to the next town, find food, get everyone cleaned up and try to get a good night’s sleep.

That was wishful thinking…

 

Greece Bus Tour Day 5 – Delphi

aegan2_map02  I don’t exactly know how to explain it. It really is one of those stories where you had to be there to really laugh hard. Typing it out I have found it losses a lot of the comedic effect it had from when I saw it all happen live. But I’m going to try to get this right.

Picture it, Delphi, July 2016. We had all just finished a very early breakfast at the hotel and we were all standing outside on the street looking at the map. I had finally realized we literally were zig zagging all over places and our path on this bus tour made zero sense. To me I thought the tour company had a very packed and big historical site tour planned out. And they really did for us. They were great. The only thing is when I really started looking at how far apart some of our cities were and how we literally would pass by some really cool things I started to wonder WTF.

map

It sort of looks like this, and if you are an 80’s kid like I am, you will appreciate this because maybe you haven’t seen it in years.

family-circusThis was what our bus driver was doing Lol I figured it out and asked our guide. He just shrugged at me. Which doesn’t explain anything. So I stopped asking.

As we are talking about the sites we will see today these little goats came up from the alley. They were cute and the kids were wanting to play with them. They were very friendly goats. I didn’t know goats were nice. I have only seen Youtube videos of them causing problems and eating kids tshirts through a fence because they are petting zoo goats and demand to be fed by everyone. Not really a goat expert at all but my Uncle started laughing and saying he had goats as a kid and it was a fun reminder of how goats can be nice.

He started petting this goat on the back and kept talking about his childhood goat stories. We were all laughing until Drew nudged me and I looked at him then he shot me that Look kind of expression and I noticed my Uncle’s hand had reached the backside of this goat. He kept talking and petting it. It was sort of a pat pat pat pet pet pat pat pat pet pet kind of routine. Right on the goat’s asshole Lol The little guy’s tail was sticking straight up. Not sure if he liked it, that answer was made known in 30 seconds from now. My Uncle did not notice, I guess he has lost all feeling in his fingers or something to not realize that was not goat hair? Goat fur? Goat coat Lol or whatever goats have on them and know he was touching goat skin. After a few minutes my Uncle wrapped up story 3 of his childhood goat Gary. Yes, that would be Gary the Goat. And stopped petting this goat’s asshole. Well we all decided later the goat loved his asshole being petted on and he raised up, turned IN MID AIR and kicked my Uncle right in the leg. His upper thigh to be exact. My Uncle fell over on his side and sort of did a roll onto his ass. We hollered at the goat and someone clapped a few times to scare them all off, they left. We all looked down at my Uncle to see if he was okay. Drew said did he get your nades? I said are you okay? Drew’s son said you were touching his butthole LMAO I was laughing so hard. I was doubled over and couldn’t stop. This is the Uncle that has pulled a quarter out of my ear for years. The one that stole my nose, the one that thought it would be funny to put a whoopy cushion under me anytime I sat down. That guy, so yes seeing that guy get a roundhouse goat hoof to the leg to me was hysterical. We all laughed and helped him up. Then we looked at his leg. It wasn’t even bruised. In fact the only mark on him was his wrists were a little skin rashed up from catching himself on the pavement. He started walking to make sure he was okay. Again I’m laughing but I’m helping him and we all told him he had been petting the goat’s asshole for about 4 minutes. It was probably only maybe 2 minutes but it felt longer. I’m sure the goat could tell us how long if we ever find him again Lol That was awesome. So funny! And it was something we kept mentioning anytime we saw a goat!  I really don’t know what else to say about it but you did have to be there to appreciate it.

So Delphi, ooohhh Delphi. You son of a …… Delphi was not a friendly place for us. We tried very hard to win them over but they were not having it. So finally Drew said we are not rude Americans but let’s stop trying to kiss these people’s ass. Just get in, do what we need to do, and get out of here. They were shoving us, pushing us out of their way. We huddled like a school of fish at one point. And moved like it too. Delphi is full of very interesting historical stories. We finally made it to the Temple of Apollo. The one thing we all agreed we really wanted to see. And it’s amazing. Huge columns. Huge everything. Apollo’s temple is up a bunch of steps and it’s only 5 minutes from a museum where you can really enjoy a lot of his story. It really was fun. I learned so much about Apollo than I ever knew. I guess Drew’s kids had been reading Greek travel books together for a few weeks so they were very eager to share all they knew. It was cute and really interesting. I loved seeing them both so excited when we finally got up there. So cool!

We also got to see the other ruins nearby and a few more museums. The best part of this day was not only the goat kicked but also seeing everyone interested in the history and wanting to know more and more.

Then we loaded up and headed onto the next town, Kalambaka. When we got to our hotel after a long, long bus ride with the crazy bus driver weaving in and out of traffic breaking the sound barrier in speed, I realized I had lost my sunglasses. I only had brought one pair and it was hot so I needed them. I was tired and really wanting to just come home at this point. I’m glad I didn’t because Kalambaka really was cool!

Have a great day! Lol Peace out!